Rising Anger & Hostility...

[the_master]

Do you find yourself getting more and more angry and hostile? I went in a convenience store, this morning and the clerk was just talking his ass off to me. I got more and more angry, as he babbled on. I didn?t utter a word back to him. He kept talking, trying to make me speak. I simply ignored him, paid for my stuff, and left. I?ve been feeling this way, more and more, lately. I more or less hate the human race, except for a few exceptions. Why do people feel the need to try and make you talk if you don?t want to talk???

[anniegirl]

Comfort. People are uneasy with silence.

 

I have an Auntie who simply cannot abide silence and so she fills it non-stop and makes people crazy in the process.

 

It's not unusual to find yourself angry, impatient and just wanting the world to allow you more space than it typically does (or that you might usually even need).

 

I never felt a lot of anger but impatience was a defining emotion in the first months. And I minimized contact with people when I could.

 

 

[swilson]

the_master, I also confess to being annoyed over things that in pre-widda times wouldn't have bothered me as much. Started avoiding social contact as much as possible but realized that wasn't healthy or my true nature. I want to believe most people don't intend to be irritating with their behavior although some days it makes me wonder.

[Guest Kamcho]

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[widowat33]

Some people are talkers..they feel uncomfortable with silences.

I remember being angry at every married couple I know..well maybe not angry but jealous of what they still have and what I lost. I don't feel that way anymore.

Angry at people who seem to have the perfect life and nothing bad ever happens to them, but then I realized we don't know what anyone has went through or what they are going through.

My empathy was completely absent for awhile..someone would tell me about an elderly person dying and I would feel like saying, so what at least they got to live until they were (whatever age), but then I would remember that they still had family, a spouse or children etc..who would miss them and were grieving as well.

Anger, hostility, it's normal. Why shouldn't we be angry?

[keeptrying]

I have to wonder what is worse. People trying to talk to you at all, acknowledging your existence and trying to be nice, or just the opposite, people who wouldn't even look twice at you if you were on the ground on fire? - No one talks to you when you go out, you are like a ghost. - I am completely embarrassed about this, but I took my kids to the park while my son played his baseball practice and the place was packed. It was my anniversary, and I saw these dads playing with their kids. I broke down and cried. (unwillingly, I thought I could be stronger). I stood there pregnant and my little kids hugged me and said, mommy don't be sad because daddy died, we love you. Other moms saw me, huddled  themselves, talked, others would just would glance. People would look over and just give me looks. I felt like such a fool and so helpless.

[Mizpah]

In the beginning, it's upsetting and angering that people are living regular old life and don't seem to understand - the world has stopped.  The world has ended.  There is no one in this entire world who is DW/DH.  How the f*** can all these people be carrying on or interacting with me?  We're in separate universes.  I think it's similar/analogous that for the first few months/year, I couldn't read any books about anything other than the Holocaust - anything else seemed so frivolous and innocent and full of a lightness I just could not deal with.  I could only read something that had no frivolity or lightness, and was full of horror and sadness, as I was. 

[Guaruj]

Do you find yourself getting more and more angry and hostile?

 

I did find myself getting very angry with people in the first few months following my wife's death.  I'm sorry to hear you're also going through that.  I apologized to at least one person because I knew I had overreacted.  I also blew my stack at an incompetent coworker whom I should have confronted well before my wife died.  Soon after that, I mentioned this to my physician during a medical check-up.  He advised me to find a support group, which I did.

 

I?ve been feeling this way, more and more, lately. I more or less hate the human race, except for a few exceptions.

 

That sounds pretty bad.  I hope it doesn't stop you from eating and sleeping well, because that only makes the bad feelings worse.

 

Some people consider it customary to withdraw from society during the early days of their widowhood.  They also make a point of dressing differently when they go out in public.  The old custom was to dress in all black.

 

I personally found it helpful to go out in public as little as possible, and to dress well (slacks and even a jacket) when I did.  I found that people were more polite to me when I dressed well, and that made a big difference for me.  When I went to a place of business, I spoke with people on a transactional basis.

 

I kept this up for 7 or 8 months.  After that, my area was socked by a series of heavy snowstorms, which made it foolish for me to continue dressing up.

 

Why do people feel the need to try and make you talk if you don?t want to talk???

 

Sounds like neediness to me.  They're probably wondering why you're not acting friendlier.  If they knew why, I hope they would have the good sense to leave you alone.

 

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