Guest TooSoon Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Just home from 5 really nice days in England with Andy and all of the kids. I just want to go back to England and not come back. I know it is is not ever going to be that easy but I just needed to say it. I know I should be grateful but right now I just want to tell the Atlantic Ocean to go to hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tableforone Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I'm glad to hear it was really a nice visit! The distance must be unbearable. Do you have a long term plan? So many of us have obstacles to chapter 2 relationships of all different types. I'm rooting for you to close the gap the Atlantic is causing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Eff the Atlantic effing Ocean. I wish I could wave my magic wand and bridge the distance - but I'm so happy that it was a beautiful trip. Sending hugs xoxoxoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Do it. TooSoon, as you I know I have a big move scheduled next year for me and DD to be with my Chapter 2 (well, not Atlantic-sized big - but still pretty damn far!). It all boiled down to happiness; I just am not happy away from her. I already regret the time that we have lost while being apart, and were it not for looking out for my daughter's well-being I would be long-gone from here. (She is a senior in high school and needs her support system of friends now, but is really looking forward to relocating for college.) There will be other jobs/careers. Homes can be sold remotely. Never have humans been able to communicate easier or cheaper (Skype, email, Facebook, etc.) with relatives and friends. Once I realized that only fear was holding me back, the extreme pull on my heart made the decision easy for me. I wish you all the best as you both listen to your hearts. Only you know what is best, but keep in mind that we all know too well the shortness of our time. (((Hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Glad to know you are safely home and that your trip was so nice. I'm sorry that distance is hurting your heart. Hopefully some type of bridge can be found. Sending love and tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Deleted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Glad it went well!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Thanks for understanding, all of you. Many of you have watched this unfold over the last year and a half. It has been an amazing adventure when (and where!) I was least expecting it. As my college roommate said, "Only you. ONLY you would insist on falling in love with someone an ocean away..." There's some truth to that, in fact. For quite a long time, I said to myself, "This is safe. He is far away. I can keep my walls up high." I tried long and hard to hold to that but in time those walls crumbled. I'd sort of settled on the notion that I'd just hunker down, raise this child, finish out my career to retirement and then see what might be next. I was all hell-bent on not allowing a man into the picture; two girls against the world and so forth. Being super picky (and an acquired taste myself), it never seemed remotely palatable that I'd ever meet someone here, in the suburban hell in which I find myself (remember, I had two years to think about these things even before Scott died as his diagnosis was terminal). Alas, and thankfully, things didn't pan out that way. As we all too well know: you can have the most carefully lain plans but sometimes - for good and bad - the universe has its own agenda. Anyway, Trying, to your question: we have a series of vaguely formed scenarios and possible arrangements. The main problem is our careers: we are both established in secure University positions (in the humanities no less) and the reality is that someone is going to have to compromise. The first problem is there are almost no jobs for people above the rank of just starting out. After all of the years of hard work and going without to get degrees and in my case tenure and a promotion, walking away is a Big Decision. He is much more accomplished than I am so making a move to a US institution would be tantamount to being demoted. Also not ideal. Various places (Philadelphia would be perfect but a job there this year did not pan out) in both Europe and the US (I put my foot down on Tacoma - nothing against Tacoma, just wrong direction) are open for discussion but thus far it is the job situation that is the obstacle. Everything - apart from the children, obviously - else I think we could both walk away from in a heart beat. Well, I know I could. Some days it seems like "WOW! This is so exciting! A whole new future! Maybe in Europe (where I'd always rather be anyway)!" And then there are days - like Tuesday - when we come home to this empty monster of a house and I remember that I'd briefly forgotten how deadening it feels to slog through day after day of going to bed alone, waking alone, many days not hearing the voice of another adult, days of teaching rendering me so tired I am a terrible parent and drag to be around......Plus, we're just better together than apart. Everything is a little lighter and brighter; we laugh a lot and he is my best friend. So, long winded way of saying, not really. No concrete long term plan......once there is one, though, you'll all be the firsts to know! It is not easy for all of the pieces to fall into place at this stage of life no matter the dynamics. Hard choices, compromises....but you're right, Justin. Time is not our friend. If I have to bring out the big guns and start reminding Andy how old he will be if we wait 5 years, I will......joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Someone once told me that the odds of securing a position as a university professor are basically the same as becoming a rock star. So congratulations, you're both rock stars! For multiple reasons. That's one of the things that sort of set me away from academia and towards museum work. I'm just saying I know how hard the field is, how competitive; it's not the type of field where you can just go get a job anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Not at all sure of the rock star part but I know you get it, MrsD. I'm still very protective of what I've built. Andy respects that to the point of fault. Somewhere therein I need to decide when happiness and professional fulfillment and my own goals and financial independence no longer supersede this life alone. Right now I do not have the answer but it means the world that you understand where I am. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I heard an echo in here. I started my relationship with the man in Tallahassee because, i figured he was safe.. because he was on the other side of the USA.. what the heck were we thinking?? so here we are, you with a true love on the other side of the pond, and me with my true love on the other side of the continent. what would we do without email, texts, skype, and phone calls? How did i get so interested in frequent flyer miles all of a sudden? I mean, I actually accrue them now! I hope you guys come up with a compromise that works.. I think we have one, but i still have a year to wait.. and even that isn't certain. nothing is, really. And as widows, that's what WE really know.. That NOTHING is certain, and no matter what plans we make, shit happens. My new guy has not ever suffered a loss like we have, so he doesn't REALLY understand what time is.. good luck to you and i hope you get over your jet lag ASAP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 TooSoon, You certainly have a way with words. I'm happy for you and hopeful that things will work out TooSoon rather than when Andy is OLD! Lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 My heart aches for the two of you, and I am another one, rooting for things to work out, so the two of you can be together. I know how hard it can be to be thousands of miles away from the one you love, and I know how scary and difficult it can be to start over. I wish I had some magical advice or a way to provide a solution for you, but unfortunately, as you well know, there are no easy answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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