rifatheroffour Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I'm sitting working on paperwork with Netflix in the background. My phone buzzes, an email. From..."IL surname" family children & grand...subject "SURPRISE! 50th Wedding Anniversary You're invited! SURPRISE" I didn't even open the email and I was overcome with tears. Why? Because I dread both my IL's and my parents 50th wedding anniversaries coming up in 2016. The real kicker...the invite was from my wife's cousin for her aunt and uncle, same last name just married one year earlier...false alarm. I guess I have a preview of how I'll feel next year...sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Yep agreed....fragile is what we are. Broken and hoping the glue is strong enough to hold. Strenth to you and to all of us so we may face what the future brings. Onwards and forwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 RIFF, you may surprise yourself. Since T died, his parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. While I felt a little sad that T & I never even made it to half of that, I really was able to celebrate it with them. In fact, I planned a small celebration dinner at a local restaurant for them. I wasn't sure it was a good idea to put myself in that situation, however it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It was kind of comforting that the love that gave me T was still continuing on. T's brother recently passed away, so my ILs now buried two sons in two years. As I watched my FIL hold out his hand for hers as the walked to the gravesite, I was so glad they still have each other. I had a brief flicker of envy and fear of what might lie ahead for me without having T's hand to reach out to me, but I managed to quiet it down and tuck it away. I'm sure those celebrations will stir up some sadness for you, but maybe you needn't dread them. Tight hugs, RIFF... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 SVS, that's a very generous and positive attitude you have. I have yet to attend a wedding since her death, there have been three in the family and my IL's are trying to plan a group cruise to celebrate theirs, I don't like cruises and don't really have the extra money right now to bring 5 of us (me and the 4 kids). I'm beginning to think my issues with the anniversaries are more about anger than anything else. Anger that I won't get there, that she is gone and it just isn't fair on so many levels. I know life isn't fair but still it makes me angry. So maybe I can, like you, find a way to at least not be angry and distracting with my own emotions for their sake. I do have a year sill, who knows how I will by then. But thank you for the different perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 yes, anniversary announcements bother me too. my niece is celebrating 13 years. We were at her wedding. sigh.. happy for her, but sent me into a tailspin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 RIFF, I don't want you to misunderstand, I still hold a lot of anger. In fact, I think my anger at losing T and how my life has been blown up may be at its highest point it's ever been. I just realized that lately. It definitely isn't fair and it is hard to understand and accept. I think maybe it is more about who/what I'm angry at, which honestly I'm not sure I've defined at this point other than just the sense of inequality in the world. I realize the length of my ILs marriage (or anyone else's for that matter) had no impact on me losing T far too soon. They didn't steal any years from us - they just got lucky enough to get longer than we did. I wish I was in their situation, of course, and I am completely disappointed that I'll never get that chance. If you don't feel you can attend weddings, etc., there is nothing wrong with not attending. And an anniversary celebration cruise is not something I think I could handle either. It is one thing to manage to check your emotions for a few hours. A cruise would be way too much for me. Plus I'd rather spend my money to take the kids on a trip we all could enjoy. Whatever you decide in that respect should be what's best for you. Just wanted you to know that I'm not that generous. I have to talk down my anger on a regular basis. More hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marjoe Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 And me, too, at 7 years out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael797 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 There hasn't been a single day that I haven't been flooded with thoughts, questions, guilt, and regret. I can't imagine how anyone could possibly think I could ever just get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I have the same feeling heading into 3 weddings I have ahead (almost every month this summer) it will be my first time attending any wedding without Don there and its all my immediate family I am already thinking in my head, ok of I park the car close I can slip out and no one will know that I am gone already feeling invisible at large gatherings so I think it might work and seeing any invites to anniversary parties would be a really tough one , glad at least it was a false alarm but still an alarm that brought back sadness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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