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Everything posted by Love2fish

  1. Love2fish

    Widowed 3-6-19

    Oh Cassie! I am sorry that you have joined our club nobody wants to be in. I lost my second great love on March 8. My loss was recent also but I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. I don't know any tricks but I do know that peace will find you when you are ready. I am glad you found WIDDA. Other voices will be along soon. Hugs
  2. Love2fish

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    The condo at Village By The Sea (ground zero) will hold 6 ladies and one black lab. One or two widowers are welcome to stay with me in the campground. If we need another condo that will not be a problem. We will make room. Weather permitting we should consider kayaking 9 AM Saturday when tide is high. Or Sunday would work. This will be in very calm water. The river that runs behind the condo. There is a kayak rental shop where we go in the water. Beginners welcome. If you'd rather something more strenuous there are the factory outlet malls in Kittery. Rain or shine the bago will go on. Come early Friday and leave late Sunday or drop in for just a few hours, whatever.
  3. Love2fish

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    Bump Just a few more weeks. Can we start getting a head count?
  4. Love2fish

    I'm engaged!

    Congratulations! Thoughts on your burden. There is a reason that marriage vows include "till death do us part" It is wisdom passed down from many generations. She will always be in my heart, It's my job to keep that heart happy so she can enjoy the accommodations.
  5. Love2fish

    Helping them grieve/ reprogramming

    Dear Newtothis, I just cannot imagine. I can listen so when you have time again let er rip. My thoughts are with you.
  6. Love2fish

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I hear you Virgo. I feel the exact same way after 90% of my M&Gs.
  7. Love2fish

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I can see you understand Arneal. That is how I feel at this time. In your statement as mine the qualifier is time. When I think about the first two I unquestionably say that I would make all the same choices again, starting with the flirt that stated it all. Just give me some space to get my wind back and I’ll be ready for a third.
  8. Love2fish

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I hear you Sudnlysngl. My brother is that much older than my SIL and their marriage is one to envy. I would be totally open to meeting women 18 years younger. Send any you know my way. I admit to having an ageist prejudice here. It's just that after being a caregiver twice I want at least even odds that it will be my turn next. So we had the M&G tonite. It was fantastic! The most fun I've had for months (excepting bagos). She did look as good as her profile photos, after two Long Island Iced Teas she was looking downright foxy. We are not destined to be a couple. We established that within the first few minutes. Which freed us up to be completely open and share things at a really profound level. A wonderful error I made with the dating app.
  9. Love2fish

    The Surreal Effect

    SJC was just my shorthand for SillyJerkyCat. I don't think you have your own bell curve but if we plotted one for recovery from grief I believe you would be with the majority.
  10. Love2fish

    The Surreal Effect

    You are well within the bell curve SJC. That is just how this works from my experience. This will settle down for you in the time that is right for you. This is my second loss.
  11. Love2fish

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Let's get this thread back on topic. Laughs. I'm doing meet & greets again already. That in itself is a topic but skip that for now. I'm on a dating website looking for a lady my age or younger. I use a computer most of the time. I just added the app to my iPad and the first time I used it was awkward. As I was scrolling through my search results I spotted a stunning red head. As is my habit I hit the Like button. Then I spot that she is 10 years my senior! I am a septuagenarian and I've got a M&G tomorrow with an octogenarian. Be careful when you switch platforms and are using an app for the first time.
  12. Love2fish

    My very own Widow Island

    1. Helen restarted the three good things thread with an inspiring post 2. I chatted with a good friend who is moving soon 3. I made a date to see Jersey Boys on stage.
  13. Love2fish

    Life after life

    @kflex, that is so beautiful. I think it follows that you being happy is what will make heaven a happy and peaceful place for Justin.
  14. Love2fish

    I'm suffocating

    Please take the advice of seeing your doctor. If you don't think you can explain it to him just print this page. I suffered from anxiety for just a couple months and it was HELL! Mine was caused by sleeping pills that I should not have been taking. Do you take any prescriptions to sleep? I also know the effects of anxiety because DW suffered severely for years. People accused her of malingering but there was something that needed fixing. I wish you the best with this.
  15. Fuck politics. All politics and the assholes who would rather cling to the arrogant pontifications of professional pundits than give a little comfort to a gentle soul whose life was slipping quickly away. Fuck my sisters who live 10 miles away and never once showed up to help with NG's care. Not even a card much less a flower or a visit. Politics, if they are more important to you than family I don't want to know you.
  16. Love2fish

    Broken

    Tamara, I am so sorry you are here. I know it can feel like you are more broken now. When it first happened you were probably in shock. It's a natural defense to shut down some of the grief when it is new. It comes out later as you are more prepared to deal with it. The first time around for me was almost 7 years ago. I had some of my darkest days months after the fact. One way I had of interpreting that was that I was getting "better" at crying. I am now in my second widowhood. I'm still getting better at crying. I can open my heart enough to look down into that deep pit of sadness, let it come ripping out of my lungs and know that I will still be here when the tears have dried. You will still be here tomorrow, hugs to you and your daughter.
  17. Love2fish

    Memory blanket

    Looking for ideas. I've got about 200 scarves and about 25 lbs of bling. The scarves are all different, from small kerchiefs to long diaphanous affairs. The bling is all costume stuff. I was thinking about creating a mosaic out of bling, maybe in a shadowbox frame, maybe sealed under epoxy, maybe as a frame around her photo. Just ideas at this point. The scarves I have no real idea how to use those but sewing them together would seem impossible. Has anyone done anything with scarves and bling?
  18. Love2fish

    Last name change

    Sometimes he does. DW and I combined our names, no hyphen, 39 years ago. What we created sounds like a traditional name but in fact I am the only one in the world currently living AFAIK.
  19. Love2fish

    FWB

    We men are also emotional creatures. You will find that your feelings are affected whether you want them to be or not. When I was tempted I thought about the woman in my future. The lady I had not met but would become my next true love. Would I want to tell her I was ok with FWB? Would I be ok if she was using someone else that way while she was waiting for me?
  20. Love2fish

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    I've got to echo the therapist concern. I've known more than my share but only respect a very few. As tybec said, Your grief, your rules. Everyone is different. I donated almost everything to a local community very quickly because the momentum was there and the need of the community is great. But I kept something in every room. I am wearing her unisex PJs right now and they feel sooo good.
  21. Love2fish

    There are worse things than death

    Thank you for posting this Mike, It hit me like a slap on the face. My problems are petty when held against such a horrible tragedy.
  22. Love2fish

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    Whale watch would be on the First Chance out of Kennebunkport. We will do all we can to make carpooling happen. Would you be willing to drive on Rt. 119 as far as Ashby or Townsend MA? That should be just an hour drive for you. I forgot to bring up child care. If anyone has young children they are welcome to tag along. We will arrange some activity or babysitting for them if it helps.
  23. Love2fish

    Trying to make sense of dating again...

    I’ll share the advice I got from a grief counselor. She was DW’s BFF and helped me through the first couple months. I told her that I was planning on dating soon. She said I should go for it and that I should expect some bumps and bruises. Learning how to love again is a little like a toddler learning to walk. Take a step, fall on your butt, repeat. From my experience: Nothing about my next relationships was (were?) anything like life with DW. My love with NG was a new experience in every way, most of them wonderful. None of them took anything away from my love for DW.
  24. Love2fish

    First vacation without my husband

    I wish I had some wisdom to share Melisa. I can share your misery though. Yesterday I arrived at our summer abode. I left it last September when we found out that NG was very sick. She has been gone 6 weeks. She never made it back to the summer place. Everything of hers was right where she placed it while knowing nothing of her fate. This had to be the hardest cleaning day ever. In a place that should be all happy memories. Good luck with your trip. You can miss your man and start new memories in between times.
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