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faye

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  1. I'd like to suggest a change of linguistics. "Baggage" is stewing over a divorce that occurred 25 years ago. Having a marriage and being divorced or widowed should be referred to as "having a life."
  2. faye

    Hi

    On the plus side, I think my boss paid me my regular wages for the two weeks I was out. When I went back, it did add structure to my days, at least. I had been back at work a week or so, when the boss excitedly told me of this new thing he was doing: he was making a to-do list every day. I remember thinking my list would be: 10:00 to 10:15 - don't cry. 10:15 to 10:30 - don't cry.
  3. faye

    introduce yourself here

    KathrynA, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please look at the postings in the newly widowed section, I hope you'll find some useful suggestions there.
  4. faye

    What am I missing here?

    Since you asked for suggestions: Is there any reason you haven't invited any of these people to visit you?
  5. faye

    What am I missing here?

    I am another one of those people who don't care for company. I don't think I'd ask if I could stay with any of my husband's family, and I would feel as if I don't know many of his relatives well enough to feel comfortable having them here. We were married 25 years. I have to say, though, his wasn't particularly close to his family. Maybe you late wife wasn't close to hers. Or maybe her feelings weren't reciprocated? My late husband would periodically call his brother and his favorite cousin, but they rarely if ever called him. I don't recall that Late H ever called his sister and BIL; maybe, when his parents passed away. COVID has made everything more complicated. I am not freaked out about it at all, (I've lost both parents and my spouse. I'm acutely aware we're all going to die) but I also would not host people I barely know who live five hours away. I don't know what the governmental guidelines are in Canada. I have read that a wacky customer of a particular grocery store is stalking employees on Facebook, and alerting the corporate office when one of them travels out of the province, or something (?) forcing that employee to take a two week furlough. Death does change things. My mother, her siblings and their children used to get together for pot-luck once each summer. Oddly, it was when my DAD died that we all stopped doing that. Mom planned the shindig - house and yard in order- my brother perfectly mowing and weeding the yard. Aside from my siblings and our spouses, only one relative came, stayed for an hour or so. Everyone else stayed away. We haven't gotten together since 2004.
  6. faye

    My Little Rant.....

    Y'all are much more popular on dating sites than I was. I did round up dates every now and then. Current Partner is someone I met on Craig's List. There was one guy who wanted to make out - and only make out. One man wanted a new home, a muse and a lover. (He was homeless. And dating. Didn't realize he had bigger fish to fry.) With Covid, I can't even imagine. I wasn't one who wanted to ruminate endlessly or have a pen pal. I wanted to go out on a date or three and see if there was any attraction. I guess it would make sense to meet and have coffee and ask a lot of questions about what each of you expect so no one's wasting his or her time. Met Current pre-Covid. We had messaged each other for a couple weeks owing to one of us going out of town, the other one sick, it was over the holidays and we were busy. We met, the attraction was instantaneous, and we spent 40 minutes making out in my car in the parking lot where we met. Maybe I'm not a good example.
  7. faye

    Gone longer than I knew him

    I remember having the realization that I had lived in this house longer without my husband than I had with him. Sad.
  8. faye

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    I had a perennial plant swap with my neighbors. a friend pointed out that I mostly gave away extra stuff. I said we have to work on baby steps - next year will be better. I did receive some bright yellow daffodils and a macrame plant hanger. The plant hanger has saved a fiddle-leaf philodendron from the cat. She wasn't eating it, but she kept knocking off the window sill.
  9. faye

    Wedding day

    When I got married, there was no aisle, because it was a public park. We assembled, me, my MOH, my parents on one side of and arc, Hubby, his best man, and parents on the other side. The minister asked, "Who blesses this union of Faye and Robert?" and our parents said, "We do."
  10. faye

    Dating

    My mistake. Totally understand about boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Thought this forum was about loss through death.
  11. faye

    Dating

    Stephen is not a widower himself, 1) and has chosen a forum for widows /widowers to complain about how difficult dating widows is 2) without having experienced the unique and devastating experience of losing one's life partner. I would think, myself, that hesitance in making a commitment to someone so insensitive and lacking in judgement would be wise.
  12. FYI, I've read on this forum or it's predecessor someone saying "that stinks" triggered her. When my Mom died, a neighbor said to me, "No matter when you lose your Mom, you feel cheated." That was true for me, but I know people who were abused by their parents, so it wouldn't work for them. There is nothing I can think of that *no one* will find troubling, which is why I think it's petty to resent people giving it their best try at being compassionate.
  13. faye

    What would you do??

    The only reason it *might* matter to them would be if they had the possibility to inherit a disease he had. There are screenings one should have, whether one is likely to inherit some tendency or not. There are inheritable things that one can't do anything about, anyway. Was his obituary in the local newspaper? If so, they could access that information if they wanted it.
  14. faye

    Marriage after widowhood

    Prayers coming your way. I'm so sorry.
  15. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    It pays to take a break, and if I had to do it again, hide my profile on dating sites when I did. That way, you pictures aren't old news should you re-activate your dating profile. I'd have rather men not answered, than suggest I contact them later (because they were 'busy') and ghost me when I did. I had a prospective date ask for my LinkedIn profile, which was not a bad idea. I once Googled an email address, and discovered it was a scammer. You can Google somebody's name, too. One fellow I dated had been arrested for disorderly conduct. I tightened up my Facebook privacy settings after a couple men contacted me wishing to meet. One had a sob story about being widowed, and wanting a new mom for his little girl (picture of handsome man and adorable child included.) This tugged at my heart (even though I was too old to be a Mom to a seven- or eight-year-old.) Then I thought about it more: a fellow who was willing to move (and take his child away from the neighborhood and school she knew, *after she lost her mother* was not a good dad. *IF* it was true, which I doubted.


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