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  1. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I'm not here much, but a belated happy birthday to you. As for not doing a big thing for yourself, I guess not. I did know a woman who had a small dinner party for her own birthday, and her plans were to tell each of the invited guests how they had helped her or changed her life for the better. It was the big five-oh for her, too. One wouldn't have to do that on a birthday, though.
  2. New Man has an ex he was married to for 25 years, give or take. The have two children together, and two grandchildren, so far. I neither know nor care when they contact one another. His marriage is part of what made him who he is today, which is a pretty decent guy.
  3. It was fairly recently that I figured out exactly what was holding me back from re-marriage. I adore New Guy, we've been together a couple years now. He has zero savings for retirement, and is making do with social security and a part time job. I'm a little better off, but certainly not wealthy, and we're approaching retirement age. If we married, my savings would, at least psychologically, become our money. He'd like to buy a place big enough to build a is barn and have horses, so his grandchildren could learn to ride when they visit. His grandchildren live one thousand miles away, because neither of his children like this part of the country. Even if we moved, I can't afford horses. He'd like to buy a handyman special to fix up. We're in our sixties. Last time I needed him to put some molding up around a door, the molding sat in the corner of the room for two years. I put it up while he was gone. It took about an hour, and part of that was learning how to operate the chop saw. I suspect that keeping my savings totally in my name and under my control after marriage would create resentment, and we'd be divorced in a couple years. He means well. He'd wade through a moat filled with alligators to bring me a glass of water. He's not very practical, is all.
  4. faye

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    I am so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.
  5. faye

    Really - forever mail?

    I used to get these from the health insurance company, the same one that paid the medical expenses at the hospital where he was admitted with a "total code." It took several phone calls over five or six years, but I finally got connected to someone who was able to stop them. The kicker: Late Husband was a two-pack-a-day smoker who died from lung cancer. It took only one email to Marlborough to get them to stop sending offers to redeem his Marlborough miles. I've never figured out how their system was somehow better set up than Anthem's. I did get an offer, some years after his death, from Mutual of Omaha for cancer insurance. I wrote across the form and told them the offer had come about five years too late, and that we could all appreciate the irony. I used a Sharpie, as I thought it would show well if someone ran it through the scanner at the office for wider distribution around the company.
  6. faye

    Widows at Christmas dinner

    Maybe not. I wonder if he's hard of hearing, and has just stopped asking for people to repeat things. He just processes the verbal and other cues and relies on people to repeat themselves when THEY notice he's missed something. I know someone who does this. Sometimes he's a couple sentences into a thought before the other person tells him he's gone off-track.
  7. faye

    Not really family

    I got a Christmas card from BIL and wife that read, "stay in touch, but only if you want to." Oddly, the only time we communicated with them was when Late Husband took the initiative to call.They never called us.
  8. faye

    When to Tell

    I put my widowed status in my dating profile. I guess Late Husband's family knows. They're fine people, but we're not close. I didn't make a big deal about telling people I was dating or keeping it a secret. It's nobody's business but my own.
  9. faye

    Holiday question

    Meh, I was an adolescent in another life, and family things weren't of great appeal. I also went through an agnostic/atheist period and felt like kind of a fraud going to family Christmas things. I do enjoy my family, they're all really nice, warm folks. The Christmas feeling eluded me, and I just tried to portray someone who was a believer. I really, really was having a hard time with it. By 21, I was living in an apartment with a couple other women: preparing my own meals and cleaning up was not a new concept.
  10. faye

    Off Topic - Collection Agency

    What you described is the way most collection agencies work. They aren't bottom feeders because of that. However...there's always a however...I got numerous calls on my cell phone for ____(Husband's first name) when he was alive about a 'personal private matter.' I finally extracted from them it was a restaurant tab on a bad check. It was ___ Somebody Else and the phone number on the check, written poorly, looked like mine. Or perhaps the bad-check writer just picked a different local phone code and figured no one would ever find him. His full name and address were on he check. If they'd done just a bit of homework, they could have guessed, as I did, that the 2 should have been a 7. A friend of mine got a call from a collection agency, and the woman who called was rude and condescending. She implied my friend's husband had hidden some debt from her and tried to get her to pay up. My friend tried to tell her that they may have the wrong family. Their last name is very common (think, Smith) but the woman didn't think that was possible. (It was) One company didn't provide the service I paid for, so I refused to pay, and filed a dispute with my credit card company. Even after documenting the whole thing, they sent it to collections. As soon as I accepted a call from Late Husband's CC company, I was told I was not responsible for his debt. They DID sue the estate, though. I paid it, as I knew he had a balance on the card, and whatever he'd purchased was around the house, somewhere.
  11. I met my companion online. Along the way, I don't think I met any players. I did meet people who really should have been attending to bigger issues in their lives (finding gainful employment, recovering from the bitterness of divorce). I had a hard time *getting* dates. A lot of men just ghosted on me.
  12. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    The ten women behind you may not be looking for casual sex. They may be like my college room mate who thought having sex would cause men to fall in love with her.
  13. I had Late Husband cremated, in a box in the house for several years. I didn't know what else to do with him. A new cemetery opened near me. Man-friend was the one who pretty much organized the committal service. He goes with me when I go to the cemetery. Name-calling, or labeling someone as a sociopath when a companion offers to come is frankly a little judge-y. I, too, wince at the DGI label (as I do other derogatory labels) It's hard to comfort people about loss anyway, especially in Western cultures where talking about death is discouraged. Each situation is different. When Mom died, I was frustrated when someone said, "She's in a better place." When Late Husband died, and someone said exactly the same thing, I prayed they were right. He certainly wasn't happy here. What is comforting to one person might evoke sadness in another. It isn't fair to expect people to be mind-readers.
  14. I'll be cremated. Interment with my veteran spouse would be free. New guy hasn't made any arrangements at all, which is a little unsettling, but I suppose half of me could go with him. A friend was hurt that her mother chose to be buried with her second husband, rather than her first (the woman's father). But the mother had been widowed very young, and was married to her second husband a long time.They'd even been childhood sweethearts.

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