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faye

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  1. faye

    Gone longer than I knew him

    I remember having the realization that I had lived in this house longer without my husband than I had with him. Sad.
  2. faye

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    I had a perennial plant swap with my neighbors. a friend pointed out that I mostly gave away extra stuff. I said we have to work on baby steps - next year will be better. I did receive some bright yellow daffodils and a macrame plant hanger. The plant hanger has saved a fiddle-leaf philodendron from the cat. She wasn't eating it, but she kept knocking off the window sill.
  3. faye

    Wedding day

    When I got married, there was no aisle, because it was a public park. We assembled, me, my MOH, my parents on one side of and arc, Hubby, his best man, and parents on the other side. The minister asked, "Who blesses this union of Faye and Robert?" and our parents said, "We do."
  4. faye

    Dating

    My mistake. Totally understand about boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Thought this forum was about loss through death.
  5. faye

    Dating

    Stephen is not a widower himself, 1) and has chosen a forum for widows /widowers to complain about how difficult dating widows is 2) without having experienced the unique and devastating experience of losing one's life partner. I would think, myself, that hesitance in making a commitment to someone so insensitive and lacking in judgement would be wise.
  6. FYI, I've read on this forum or it's predecessor someone saying "that stinks" triggered her. When my Mom died, a neighbor said to me, "No matter when you lose your Mom, you feel cheated." That was true for me, but I know people who were abused by their parents, so it wouldn't work for them. There is nothing I can think of that *no one* will find troubling, which is why I think it's petty to resent people giving it their best try at being compassionate.
  7. faye

    What would you do??

    The only reason it *might* matter to them would be if they had the possibility to inherit a disease he had. There are screenings one should have, whether one is likely to inherit some tendency or not. There are inheritable things that one can't do anything about, anyway. Was his obituary in the local newspaper? If so, they could access that information if they wanted it.
  8. faye

    Marriage after widowhood

    Prayers coming your way. I'm so sorry.
  9. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    It pays to take a break, and if I had to do it again, hide my profile on dating sites when I did. That way, you pictures aren't old news should you re-activate your dating profile. I'd have rather men not answered, than suggest I contact them later (because they were 'busy') and ghost me when I did. I had a prospective date ask for my LinkedIn profile, which was not a bad idea. I once Googled an email address, and discovered it was a scammer. You can Google somebody's name, too. One fellow I dated had been arrested for disorderly conduct. I tightened up my Facebook privacy settings after a couple men contacted me wishing to meet. One had a sob story about being widowed, and wanting a new mom for his little girl (picture of handsome man and adorable child included.) This tugged at my heart (even though I was too old to be a Mom to a seven- or eight-year-old.) Then I thought about it more: a fellow who was willing to move (and take his child away from the neighborhood and school she knew, *after she lost her mother* was not a good dad. *IF* it was true, which I doubted.
  10. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I met people when I thought wouldn't amount to much, just for practice. I didn't meet them for a meal after one 1) gave me a fake name before we met because he didn't know before meeting me if I might be a nutcase and then 2) during the meal seemed to have a lot of issues that would make him a high maintenance partner. After that, first meetings were limited to coffee, a glass of wine or a beer. One man cancelled twice at the last minute and was a no call / no show on the third. I wasn't good at picking up cues. After that, if a date cancelled, I let that potential date suggest another time and place and if he didn't, well, he wasn't interested. The man I'm with now did, in fact, cancel our first meeting and was quick to make the effort to re-schedule. I had no interest in being someone's pen pal, and there seemed to be some who participated on dating sites for just that. Many didn't say so up front, which is odd. I didn't date men who weren't local.
  11. faye

    Breaking up? Seeing other people?

    You know *now* it's not a good fit. Breaking up now will hurt him less than breaking up six weeks from now. Portside's wording is as good as it gets.
  12. Take a swatch, launder if necessary, and have someone add it to a cover for a throw pillow for the new couch.
  13. What is irritating for one loss may be comforting for another. "------" is in a better place." When a loved one died unexpectedly and too soon, it only grated on me a tad. For someone who died after making others miserable, I thought, "I hope so. He wasn't happy here."
  14. I don't mean to be harsh, but honestly, what *are* people supposed to say? What are the magic words that would make anyone feel better? ... ... There aren't any. The only thing people can do is express some kind of empathy. That's not a bad thing. Thinking badly of people for doing the best they can doesn't do you any good, or them. Being angry about the loss is normal. The only time I was angry with individuals was when they *didn't* show empathy.
  15. faye

    Speechless

    I guess that's my point. Young people are so damn protected from *everything* real and unfortunate that they don't know what to say or how to act. In addition to that, poor behavior is excused a lot. We're all so consumed with how the little tykes ***feel*** and don't expand that into teaching them that others' feelings count, as well. How in the world is a person supposed to empathize with a huge loss, when the only experience he has is killing characters in video games? And reading customer service websites...there are parents who let Johnnie try to buy GTA with his own money at nine or ten years old, then berate the clerk for not allowing it.


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