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  1. faye

    Off Topic - Collection Agency

    What you described is the way most collection agencies work. They aren't bottom feeders because of that. However...there's always a however...I got numerous calls on my cell phone for ____(Husband's first name) when he was alive about a 'personal private matter.' I finally extracted from them it was a restaurant tab on a bad check. It was ___ Somebody Else and the phone number on the check, written poorly, looked like mine. Or perhaps the bad-check writer just picked a different local phone code and figured no one would ever find him. His full name and address were on he check. If they'd done just a bit of homework, they could have guessed, as I did, that the 2 should have been a 7. A friend of mine got a call from a collection agency, and the woman who called was rude and condescending. She implied my friend's husband had hidden some debt from her and tried to get her to pay up. My friend tried to tell her that they may have the wrong family. Their last name is very common (think, Smith) but the woman didn't think that was possible. (It was) One company didn't provide the service I paid for, so I refused to pay, and filed a dispute with my credit card company. Even after documenting the whole thing, they sent it to collections. As soon as I accepted a call from Late Husband's CC company, I was told I was not responsible for his debt. They DID sue the estate, though. I paid it, as I knew he had a balance on the card, and whatever he'd purchased was around the house, somewhere.
  2. I met my companion online. Along the way, I don't think I met any players. I did meet people who really should have been attending to bigger issues in their lives (finding gainful employment, recovering from the bitterness of divorce). I had a hard time *getting* dates. A lot of men just ghosted on me.
  3. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    The ten women behind you may not be looking for casual sex. They may be like my college room mate who thought having sex would cause men to fall in love with her.
  4. I had Late Husband cremated, in a box in the house for several years. I didn't know what else to do with him. A new cemetery opened near me. Man-friend was the one who pretty much organized the committal service. He goes with me when I go to the cemetery. Name-calling, or labeling someone as a sociopath when a companion offers to come is frankly a little judge-y. I, too, wince at the DGI label (as I do other derogatory labels) It's hard to comfort people about loss anyway, especially in Western cultures where talking about death is discouraged. Each situation is different. When Mom died, I was frustrated when someone said, "She's in a better place." When Late Husband died, and someone said exactly the same thing, I prayed they were right. He certainly wasn't happy here. What is comforting to one person might evoke sadness in another. It isn't fair to expect people to be mind-readers.
  5. I'll be cremated. Interment with my veteran spouse would be free. New guy hasn't made any arrangements at all, which is a little unsettling, but I suppose half of me could go with him. A friend was hurt that her mother chose to be buried with her second husband, rather than her first (the woman's father). But the mother had been widowed very young, and was married to her second husband a long time.They'd even been childhood sweethearts.
  6. I look at insurance as legalized gambling. You're betting you'll need it. Insurance is betting your premium can be invested at a profit before you file a claim. Real glad I've had insurance for my car, both when I wrecked one, and when the parking lot flooded this spring, and I wondered if the current one was [soggy] toast. Life insurance could be really important if one had children to provide for, or a mortgage the spouse couldn't pay.
  7. I'm torn about this because I would like to marry my partner, but face the same issues regarding medical problems. (And we're not nearly as well prepared, financially) As things stand right now, I love to be my partner's wife, but i don't foresee that happening. I would be disappointed to find out the wedding I'd been to was a sham, and I'm not planning to have a fake wedding myself. If a couple invited me to a commitment ceremony, I would go to support them, but I won't have one myself.
  8. faye

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I had a couple (well, at least three) lie about their ages by 17-24 years. It makes no sense, does it. Lying by only a few years won't help much, lying by a lot is lying a lot.
  9. faye

    Unsettling dreams

    I had dreams about giving birth. The really odd thing is that I never ever wanted or had children. One of my friends said it kinda made sense, since I was starting something new. The babies I was giving birth to were all premature.
  10. faye


    Because so many screenings are recommended now, hereditary conditions may not be as important as they once were. My paternal grandmother died before I was born. She had cancer, but no one now knows what kind it started out as. So, I've had regular mammograms and this year, a colonoscopy. Those would be recommended whether or not we knew Grammy's history. I started out with boxes and envelopes to send to this relative of Late Husband's or that one. You know what? All that stuff is mine now. I no longer feel compelled to get it back to his relatives. I've thrown out a lot. My mom made a quilted throw from some of his clothes.
  11. faye

    Just Another Dead Dog Story

    I had a cat which helped me through a difficult summer. I would come home, toss my bag on the floor, pick up a beer, and head out the back door with the cat. He followed me around the yard and I'd decompress from a bad day. Sometimes we sat and watched the sun set from the yard. He died just after Christmas in 2015. I've since taken in a foster cat, who I mistakenly call by Old Cat's name. He doesn't mind, but he's not Old Cat, either.
  12. Late husband made about twice what I did. Not a lot of money, anyway. Had he not died so soon after being diagnosed, we'd probably have gone through it all. Had he not become ill, owing to his alcoholism he might have spent it all over the next few years. But he died, so his retirement savings became mine. Current guy lost his home to foreclosure, and lost his savings trying to maintain it. My home is paid for. Current Guy makes much less than I do. In checking around, I discovered that while spouses aren't be responsible for credit card and other ordinary debts, medical debts are a different story, at least where I live. Spouses CAN be found responsible for those, and I don't live in a community property state, either. I'm reluctant to get married as things stand now, although Current Guy would love to.
  13. faye

    Work problems - anxiety tips?

    Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that a psychologist lacks equanimity?
  14. faye

    Am I justified in feeling offended?

    How sad. Have you ever been so blunt as to say, "If you keep this up, we won't be associating with one another any more" ? I get him, really. I'm cheap, too. My ancestors weren't prosperous enough to accrue any wealth like that. The system was set up to care for widows and orphans. I had a roommate in college who told me she might not have been able to afford college if her father hadn't died; the SS benefits were more, she said, than her father would have ever saved. I had another friend whose father had been declared dead some years before. She received a letter from the Social Security administration stating that they had uncovered new information that her father was alive, and that her benefits were being terminated. Back then SS paid through college up to the age of 22, I think. I don't think I'll be getting married again, myself. Significant other is being treated for cancer. Although a spouse isn't responsible for other debts, where I live, they can be held accountable for medical bills.

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