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  • Date Widowed
    Widowed 8/28/2006


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  1. Euf

    facing my inner demon....

    I think we really know that we aren't to blame. But thinking that we should have seen, should have known, could have done better, somehow makes us think we have some control. But the truth of it is that we couldn't do anything to change it. We couldn't control it. It had a life of its own. We just have to survive it. (((hugs)))
  2. Euf

    I'm an orphan

    My dad died 3 years ago. What Portside said is probably the best advice I could give too. Don't get bogged down. It is stuff. Take help where it is offered.
  3. Euf

    Further frustrations

    I’ve been widowed a bit over 12 years but still can find myself really lost when I have to figure out what to do. I don’t have any interest in remarriage so I guess I have no one but myself to blame, but I sure do miss that second opinion when trying to make major decisions by myself. I just had a new furnace put in last fall. I think it was a good decision but what do I know? I had some problems between what the contract said would be done and what was actually done. I just kept hearing Jim’s voice telling me to document it all, be calm and concise but quit letting them do the “oh don’t you worry your pretty little head about this” routine. So I wrote a letter with documentation showing what was promised in the contract and what was actually done. I calmly mentioned the Better Business Bureau, contacting the state attorney general and contacting my local TV station and they soon called, apologized and made everything right. I guess that was some sort of victory. But it is also just a reminder that I’m on my own here. So I just want to say I hear you, I understand, and am more than willing to commiserate.
  4. Thanks for sharing this Judy. The last time you linked to Medium, I also read that entry and then others you wrote. I've always enjoyed your writing (maybe enjoyed isn't quite the word to use when talking about death and being widowed but you know what I mean. LOL) and as Maureen said, this type of writing is what I regret being lost from YWBB. Thank you too for sharing the "cancer story" part. My husband has been dead a bit over 12 years and I know how hard it can still be to remember that part.
  5. Euf

    A new WIDDA heading your way

    Thank you for your responses.
  6. A friend called me last week. Her husband has cancer. I don’t need to give the details, but she said “I’ll need you. Is that OK?” I said “Yes, anytime, day or night, call or show up or whatever you need to do or need me to do.” I will help as much as I can. I don’t know the prognosis at this point but I get the feeling that it isn’t good. I hope I’m wrong. So I’ve been thinking about what I can do. I know I can listen. I know I can let her talk. I know I can let it be about her and what she needs. My husband died in 2006 and I was a member of YWBB (the place that preceded this place). It may be overly dramatic to say it (and I have been known to be overly dramatic) but YWBB saved my life. Then YWBB closed down and not only closed down but erased everything that had been written. I panicked when I saw they were doing that. I didn’t even check YWBB out much anymore since it had been years since my husband died, but I felt as if I was being erased. As if my loss had no meaning. POOF! Not worth keeping. So some wonderful people gathered us all up and made this place: WIDDA So I want to know if this place helps you. When I would check out WYBB (and I did it daily in the beginning) there were always so many people posting and commenting. You could also go back years and see what the first members wrote. Sometimes I come here and I try to say something helpful and pay back the help that I received from the long time widows. But there doesn’t seem to be much activity. I feel as if I’m just talking to myself. I’m not sure if it is just that I am no longer that hurting widow or something else. So my question is: Is this a place that helps you? I would have no hesitation to send her to WYBB but that place doesn’t exist anymore. Any comments will be appreciated. Thanks.
  7. Euf

    MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

    I’ve always been torn between two different reactions in this situation. No, I don’t want friends to feel as if they have to tiptoe around me. I don’t want friends to have to second guess everything they say. I don’t want to be hurt and sensitive and even though every second of my day was about my dead husband, I understood that my friends didn’t live the life I did. They had plans and a future and even though they may love me, they had no concept of what my life was. But. . . .how clueless can you be? If you want to drop me from your life, OK. If you can’t deal with it, don’t drag it out. Just move on. I lost some people and gained some people. Years ago, someone on YWBB said they saw friends (after being widowed) as calories. Some nourished you, some just made you fat. Let the empty calories go.
  8. Mary Oliver died in January. She is a poet and I guess she has nothing to do with being widowed. Except that for me, she does. She is about hope and seeing the future and grabbing on to life. If you like these poems, look for more of hers. Or more of anyone's. I believe in the power of words.
  9. Euf

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    I am so sorry.
  10. Euf

    A Book

    I have a good friend that is a therapist. She asked me to read a book and give her my opinion. She thought it might be helpful for her widowed clients, but she wanted to know what an actual widowed person thought. That’s me! An actual widowed person. I read it and wished I had found it when I was first widowed. I read the standard “widow books” when my husband died. I guess I got something out of them but mostly they seemed like something to do. As if they were just busy work. My husband has been dead for 12 years, so maybe I no longer remember what it was like. But this book seems to me as if it validates the craziness of being widowed. I don’t remember other books doing that. Other books I read seemed to be more about plans and fixing things and being thankful for what you are left with. All those things were useful, but mostly I wanted someone to tell me that it was normal to be so crazy. So if you are looking for some sort of validation of the crazy of your life, this is a useful book. My only disclaimer is that there were things she experienced that I never did. I’m OK with that. It isn’t a play by play book that we can follow. It’s just an honest look at the crazy of being widowed. The book is My Husband Is Not A Rainbow by Kelley Lynn Shepard https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40497281-my-husband-is-not-a-rainbow
  11. Babble all you want. It makes perfect sense to me. (Hugs)
  12. Euf

    I am not fine.

    I just want to let you know I hear you and am sending some virtual hugs your way. I know you said you don't expect any answers but I was wondering if you have spoken to a doctor about depression. It sounds as if you have a lot of things you are dealing with at once and trying to "act fine" only helps for awhile. (((Hugs)))
  13. I wasn't sure where to post this, but I think here makes as much sense as anywhere. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-grieve/201208/beyond-closure-the-space-between-joy-and-grief

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  • Date Widowed
    Widowed 8/28/2006


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