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Good for you Lauren, for doing everything you can to do the best for your daughter. And good for you for giving Mike some home truths. I'm just sorry you're having to deal with any of this, with or without the judgement.

Mike, you seem to be implying that Lauren isn't already applying "hard work, self-reliance, and persistence." I very much doubt that is the case, my bet is that she is. It seems to me like she's doing everything you can to make a difficult situation work. You make her sound wilful and feckless in her choices; lets remember, she was widowed. She moved to be nearer to family. You have no idea where that actually is, what the cost of housing is there, what the cost of childcare is there. You make it sound like there's shame in a loving family helping each other out. Your suggestion that because they had no input they can't be asked monetises family relationships. Your "patchwork of decent care" sounds very much like you were relying on others at times. We've all had to. I didn't have to ask for financial support from my in-laws because my children were a little older, my hours were pretty flexible, and, most of all, I was very well paid - doesn't make me a better person.

To be honest, much of this post makes no sense at all. But your belief that most women are broken and need to be redeemed (by you) is very clear and deeply, deeply problematic, for you and for those around you, women especially.

An interesting interview with Michelle Dockery, star of Downtown Abbey which touches quite a lot on the loss of her fiancé: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/nov/11/michelle-dockery-widow-downton-abbey-actor-harvey-weinstein

We live in eastern Pennsylvania - in the Lehigh Valley - where are you? While we have nothing currently planned, there is a group of us who get together with some regularity. Please feel free to pm me if you like.

Hey Bear, 11 years for me at the end of last month. Its not the same as it once was but still the thoughts and memories come. Can I call you a big lug too?

Amazing to me that this man's behavior is not understood. I know it's difficult to believe this but take it from a guy - Vegas man is treating you as you asked to be treated - that is, a no challenge notch on his headboard to be called upon when the mood suits him, not you. To be even blunter, and to answer a question not asked but I think important, no, he doesn't respect you. You didn't require that so he will not offer it. T2B is correct, there are lots of other men that will be happy to offer you the 'trouble' you seek without adding in those pesky items of dignity or respect. But just remember the rules - when it blows up, and it will, no whining allowed. Good luck - Mike Where does the OP say that that was how she was asking to be treated? Where does she ever in this post set out the parameters around any encounter that might have occurred? Where does she say his respect wouldn't have been required? Why is it always the woman who has to earn the man's respect? Perhaps he should also have to demonstrate that he deserves her respect?

Perhaps we can set up a separate sub-forum here where us patriarchal dudes (don't worry, I'm sure you're not one of them) can submit our posts to see if they will give offense. That would be one way of owning it.

Boy Serpico, that "study" was a very flimsy fig leaf, much too small to cover Portside's outsize patriarchy.* Of course his comments came from a place of judgement; we've seen him do it before, warning someone contemplating a similar action that all the potential partner's male friends would be running around talking about her. That's shaming right there (of course, the male of the species never loses self-respect but only gains bragging rights). This isn't about women's behaviour; the problem is men's behaviour, men telling women how they should behave and how they should feel about it. (* The article you linked to in no way provided meaningful support for the point you were trying to make).

For nearly three years now, I've been wishing there was some sort of "halfway house" where wids and other bereaved folks could just be with each other in a safe space until they got their shit together. You've provided the missing piece of the puzzle - your place would be perfect! How soon can all 1,400 of us move in? PS: You might want to run this by TS first. Maybe I should just go ahead and do this while she's out of the country?

Michael took Radio Hell on the road yesterday. Thanks for coming over, it was good to see you.

This is a tough but very beautiful and honest read on being widowed and becoming a parent in the space of one week. I so admire his honesty in admitting that "But in the first year she [his daughter] was still a stranger in my life, and I experienced her as a punishment. She had sentenced me to a continuation of my life. I am ashamed to admit it." https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/may/20/her-needs-first-becoming-father-widower-in-week

Michael, I didn't want to be there yesterday, none of us did, you most of all, but I was glad I could be and to be able to give you a hug. I'm sorry I never had the chance to get to know your son; but it was good to see the many beautiful pictures of him and to hear you loving, sweet, eulogy. It was clear he was a very fine young man. Much love and more hugs.

Here we go (hopefully) ...

Male here, and pretty heavily bearded. Unfortunately, there's probably not much to be done to help it along - a man's beard will grow as it will and no other way. And whilst I can grow a fairly decent beard now I certainly couldn't at 18. Trying to persuade him to shave it off almost certainly won't work though.