Mike, you seem to be implying that Lauren isn't already applying "hard work, self-reliance, and persistence." I very much doubt that is the case, my bet is that she is. It seems to me like she's doing everything you can to make a difficult situation work. You make her sound wilful and feckless in her choices; lets remember, she was widowed. She moved to be nearer to family. You have no idea where that actually is, what the cost of housing is there, what the cost of childcare is there. You make it sound like there's shame in a loving family helping each other out. Your suggestion that because they had no input they can't be asked monetises family relationships. Your "patchwork of decent care" sounds very much like you were relying on others at times. We've all had to. I didn't have to ask for financial support from my in-laws because my children were a little older, my hours were pretty flexible, and, most of all, I was very well paid - doesn't make me a better person.