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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    September 1, 2012
  • Cause of death
    AML (MDS dx 15 months prior)

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  1. twin_mom

    Talking to Young Children About Heaven

    Being okay with death and actively seeking death are two totally different things. Why did he bring up going to heaven - you mentioned homework- mine have said things asking the lines of "if I die right now I'll never have to <fill in blank> again because I'll be having fun in heaven with dad" over the years. My response has usually been something like "but you're not dying right now so go get <fill in blank> done" 😂 While this conversation would probably make many people cringe it is just the fact of our lives. Our children are intimately acquainted with death.
  2. twin_mom

    Growing up

    Him starting shaving was such a traumatic day for me!
  3. twin_mom

    New Baby

    Congratulations on your baby! I have not had a baby since becoming a widow - but I did have post partum depression after having my twins.... definitely talk to someone (your doctor) about your feelings, they sound very similar, and very normal, to mine!
  4. twin_mom

    3 things I did today

    @DonnaP - wow!! That's so unfortunate. I have the opposite, MIL was trying to marry me off in DH's hospital room - "mom, I'm not dead yet can you at least let my body get cold" 🤣
  5. twin_mom

    3 things I did today

    I got "spoken to" by MIL for not bringing NG with me to celebrate Christmas with her- but he opts to stay home as he's not comfortable going for holidays...
  6. twin_mom

    Just overwhelming

    You've come to the right place to release those emotions. We all get it. I've missed so many deadlines to pay for things I have never had asked for so many exceptions in my life!
  7. twin_mom

    3 things I did today

    1. Drove DD all over the place to finish her Christmas shopping. A couple hours into it she turned to me and said "Mom thank you for taking me shopping today I know you had other things to do." While I had lots of other things to do, she's an 11th grader now and is talking about taking a semester at sea for her first semester of of college so who knows when the next time I'll be able to go Christmas shopping with her after next year is. and hopefully she'll have a driver's license for next year so even then I may not be able to take her Christmas shopping. 2. finished up my own Christmas shopping while I was driving DD all over the place. 🤣 3. not actually done yet but hopefully will finish the collar on a sweater for DS that I'm crocheting him for Christmas!
  8. Fuck you SIL.... last year you, yet again, made sure that I knew you didn't consider me and my children (YOUR niece and nephew) part of the family ... but again when MIL needs someone to be with her for a medical procedure you expect me to drop everything and be there (MIL is 95, legally blind, has mobility issues and is sundowning to the point that she keeps asking me why DH doesn't call her anymore but I just took her to the beach for Thanksgiving because SIL hasn't taken her out of the building since putting her in assisted living last year). I made a promise to DH to watch out for MIL, but that doesn't include jumping to your bidding when you make appointments for her that you can't attend, for procedures I don't agree with, when your daughter is geographically closer and is the medical POA!
  9. My kids still hate hearing "I'm sorry for your loss", my daughter especially. She once answered, "He's not lost, he's dead". 🙄 She was 10 at the time. My new answer to death/illness is "that really sucks"- because it does; granted saying that makes me sound young/uneducated, but I think it sums most situations up nicely without using empty platitudes/triggering phrases. I'm glad you found a therapist who has helped you with a path forward.
  10. I'm late to the discussion but just wanted to say it's not silly to cry over an 11 year old couch. It's yet another piece of your lives together that is being replaced by something that he had no part in. It sucks. But it's also part of building the next chapter...so enjoy your new couch, I hope you love it and it lasts another 11 years! (I may have fought NG over getting rid of my loveseat, which actually predated DH, was almost 20 years old, and was in such sad shape that I took it to the dump instead of donating it...)
  11. twin_mom

    2,194 days.......

    This 👆 Even though I'm engaged to a great guy, I still feel married to DH in some respects... my love for him has taken a smaller role in my life, but it's still there and I still feel committed to him in some aspects.
  12. twin_mom

    Grief and Friends

    @KrypticKat - that sucks that you've been excluded. Maybe it's for a valid reason, similar to why you left her out of the birthday memorial...but it still stings and is disappointing.
  13. twin_mom

    3 things I did today

    1. watched my 2 year old step-grandson (DH's daughter's son) - I'll be watching him most of this month to help my stepdaughter out since she started a new job today but doesn't have childcare until the new year. My kids are 16, so it was fun to have a toddler- but honestly I was working (&traveling) when mine were 2 so I rarely dealt with them all day by myself! (I went back to work when mine were 15 months old) 2. I got the call that DH's storage unit was officially closed out (he's been gone over 7 years and I finally got rid of everything in the unit, which was mostly his dad's stuff- yes, I was paying a small fortune to store the belongings of a man who died before I even met DH....) 3. I may have bought myself a few things for Christmas during the cyber monday sales. 😮
  14. twin_mom

    Just Trudging Forward

    I don't think the purposelessness ever fully goes away. I'm 7 years 1.5 months out and I still have days that I'm empty, when I miss him so much. Even though for all intents and purposes I've rebuilt my life- I'm engaged to a wonderful man, my children are doing fantastic, and I'm lookibg forward to what I'm going to do next professionally (as soon as I can figure out that's going to be). But I don't want those empty days to go away; I feel that they're a sign of how great our love was and how important he was to me and I'm okay with paying the price of that emptiness for the glorious years we had together.
  15. twin_mom

    She's growing into him

    Mine were 9 when he died, but barely remember him.... and there are days when I think he didn't die but split himself into these two wonderful kids we made. He's in my son's expressions, my daughter's attitudes, both their stupid jokes....

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    September 1, 2012
  • Cause of death
    AML (MDS dx 15 months prior)

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