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twin_mom

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  • Date Widowed
    September 1, 2012
  • Cause of death
    AML (MDS dx 15 months prior)


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  1. twin_mom

    Wish I could die today

    It's heart wrenching to read your words, Bubu.... i remember feeling like that for so long. Then one day on this board I read someone's signature that said something like "I can't have his legacy be that his death destroyed me" (sorry to the owner of this signature for mutilating it!). Those words really hit home for me and were the turning point of me merely existing to making steps to rebuild myself. I hope that at some point you too have something click for you... because you deserve every happiness. We all do.
  2. twin_mom

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    My heart breaks for you Bluebird.
  3. twin_mom

    Anticipatory Grieving

    Silverfish- anything you are feeling with the loss of your love is okay, there is no "normal" contrary to what society tells us. For me, finally being able to miss him was at war with being relieved that the journey of watching him decline into a person I barely recognized.
  4. twin_mom

    Two things can be true at once

    My NG is like yours. My MIL came to stay with us for Christmas, we brought her to Christmas Eve mass with us and had to walk through the columbarium where DH is; though he died 6 years ago she had never been and she said "Warren is here". NG was pushing her wheelchair and said "yes he is, I'm going to bring you right to him before we go in". I miss DH every day, but God I love NG.
  5. twin_mom

    Stuck and still fall apart this time of year

    I hear you. I'm 6 years out. I have recoupled- but I'm so afraid of going through that devastation again I can't get married. I'm past the worst of the ptsd- but I have no idea what will happen when the twins graduate in 2 years and go off to college....
  6. twin_mom

    A holiday ramble...

    Maureen, I always enjoy your rambles.
  7. twin_mom

    Triggers in public places

    I think most of us with children will tell you that the quickest thing to bring us to tears is thinking about all the things out kids miss out on now that they have only one living parent. It's not self pity, it's grieving for the future that you thought they -and you - would have. And it sucks when it pops up unexpectedly.
  8. twin_mom

    Stuck

    It's 6 years today for me. And while I am in a serious relationship, I too can't find something that catches my interest, ignites that fire. I was actually talking to NG about this last week - that I didn't know if it was an early midlife crisis (I just turned 44),a widow thing, or just a regular funk that people go though. I didn't come up with the cause, but we decided I needed to try to find a new hobby or spend some time with forgotten ones...i may look into belly dancing classes as they're something I've wanted to try but never made the time for. You're not crazy, just at a crossroad. I think pick a direction and see how it goes...
  9. twin_mom

    I miss being loved

    This - the greatest gift my husband have me was unconditional love. But it's also the worst because now I know what that feels like and I don't want to settle for anything less.
  10. There was a baby and he was beautiful. 💗
  11. twin_mom

    I miss being loved

    I hear you. I miss the looks he'd give me that relayed so much, the way he'd tap my neck 🙄, sitting in the dark on the deck just being together....
  12. twin_mom

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    I don't really have any advice for you but I did want to share what happened with my new guy and daughter. When my daughter was younger than yours, about 10 and a half, I started dating my new guy it was a little over a year out from DH's death. My daughter went crazy ballistic, she'd scream that she wanted nothing to do with him, then she was tearing and crying because she didn't want to share me with him because she already had to share me with her twin, it was just completely crazy. it all came to a head one night when we were at dinner about 8 months into our relationship and he had lived with us for 2 months. She started in with her rude behavior and I snapped at her and said that it was enough, that he was part of our lives now and she didn't have to like him but she could not treat him rudely, I taught her better than that. To which she turns to him and said "well if my dad hadn't died you wouldn't even be here." Which led to my stellar parenting moment -not - where I said to her while crying ugly tears "well your dad is dead and he's not coming back and we're not dead and Jim's not dead and that's it I don't want to hear any more about." NG and son excused themselves from the table at that point to take a walk. 😂 DD and I "talked"for a bit more that night, where she dug in more, saying she'd never like him and he'd never be her dad and me saying he didn't want to be her dad, she already had a great dad....because it turned out that was the crux of it all - she didn't want him around because she didn't want to forget her dad and having someone fill that role in our lives in her mind was a step toward forgetting him. My point is - there's a good chance that your daughter's behavior has nothing to do with him as a person, but the idea of him - maybe about replacing her dad, maybe the change in the home structure, or at 16 maybe it's "my mom is having sex" ick- factor. (I did also face the "we're the only kids whose mom has a boyfriend" embarrassment with mine....) Good luck. It's really hard to balance your kids' needs and desires with your needs and desires. And now at 4.5 years into our relationship, NG and my kids are great - the three them tease me that if we broke up he's taking custody of them and I can keep his dog. 🙄
  13. Somehow early in this came up with NG and my kids - what to do with me, probably because we pass DH on the way into church every Sunday since he's interred in the columbarium there. NG said that when I die he's having me cremated and then he's putting me in with DH, hitting the granite stone and saying "tag you're it, she's your problem now!". I'm not sure the kids really understood at the time what he was saying but now it's a standing joke. Seriously though, NG wants to be spread in the ocean and is perfectly okay with putting me in with DH.
  14. twin_mom

    I just need to vent.

    Vent away, we all have the family member like that.
  15. twin_mom

    Late Bloomer

    I quit my career at 3.5 years, partly to finally have the space to really grieve/ process all my life changes. I think many of us with children "keep it together for the children" and in the process delay our own grieving.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    September 1, 2012
  • Cause of death
    AML (MDS dx 15 months prior)


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