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Trying

Missing old life while happy with the new one.

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For the most part I am happy in my current marriage and in my life as it is now.  Most of the time I miss DH is related to our kids, those happy milestones he is missing and the tough times he isnt here to help with.  New DH is a great man and we are building a wonderful life together.

 

However... last week we had a major storm, a tornado, and it was devastating to our town. We were fortunate and had no damage to our home, cars or people.  We had no power or water for 4 days and a few big trees down, it was tough getting around but others had it so much worse than me.  My late DH was the man you wanted around in any type of emergency or disaster. New DH works for the highway department One town over so he worked straight through the first 4 days a day is still working overtime.  I missed being part of a team and having a man around to do the heavy stuff. My 19 year old was around for part of it and he and my 14 year old did a lot but some things they just don't know enough about and new DH being exhausted and cranky when he finally came home (and rightly so) for a few hours was critical about how we handled certain things instead of acknowledging that we were used to having a man in charge and did our best.  He's gone during every snow storm plowing and it hits me the same way.  Late DH spoiled me and there are certain things I never learned to do (run a chainsaw, hook up a generator, run a snow blower) that I have to learn on my own with no help.  I'm a feminist in many ways but I have to admit I really like having a man doing that type of stuff for me and wish I didn't have to learn these things at 49.

 

Im so proud of new DH and the storm recovery work and grueling hours he has worked but selfishly I want a man around the house at times like this.

and today would've been been our 25 th anniversary so add that to my little pity party.  

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It's not a pity party , it's reminiscing! And us women of a particular age do like to be pampered by our men in certain ways, there is nothing wrong with that. Besides

it lets him know we need and appreciate his manliness9_9....

We can do those things when needed, but when our guy can do it for us, let him, then we can show our appreciation to him.....

Sorry to hear about the storms, but glad you made it through ok...

Thinking of you, and your family

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I so understand.  I never knew differently!  So spoiled?  It was what it was.  My LH was a mechanic on aircraft,  A& P.  He fixed anything and if he couldn’t, had an army ( he was at the 160th special ops, the  Blackhawk down crew) he could ask for help.  He and 6 guys put in our kitchen flooring, foyer,  in two nights!  I always felt safe with him. 

Ng is brilliant and a retired Lt. Colonel but not a tiny bit mechanically inclined.  He is amazing in his own right, but dang to have a man to help shovel, plant, mow, fix the car, electricity, you name it. 

 

Miss for my son so much.  His dad was a masculine Marine AND a big teddy bear.  Ng is just as masculine but in a macho way, not so diverse. He has made a comment about me not being a damsel in distress.  LH would have gladly come to my aid.

 

miss my sons dad at all events.  It is hard.  

 

25th. Oh, a tough one.  I understand.  Lucky to have found a new love for sure but doesn’t erase the past. 

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Glad you are well with the storm.  Hate them.  Miss my basement  solely for that.  Your ng is a good helper. 

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Posted (edited)

I so understand this. My son talks about his Dad (who he cant remember) a lot and I so wish he was here to see him. Every milestone makes us think about this. And I miss sharing housing and parenting duties. I too have had to learn to run machinery in my late 40s - I am now getting to be a generator expert ! I don't know why - but I find trying to blend families really exhausting and its just not the same as when it was just my husband and I and our son.

Edited by Captains wife
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Trying,

 

Storm aside, you are well-entitled to a massive pity party on what should have been your 25th anniversary! Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that your husband was out of the house on that day so that you could ride that wave alone?

 

abl

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This was the first year no one acknowledged our anniversary, not my kids, not his family or mine.  I didn't do the usual FB post out of respect for my new DH.  He is usually really good about remembering those significant dates but for obvious reasons this year he barely knows what day of the week it is let alone the date.  I'm past the pity party and glad no one, other than all of you, knew I had one.

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Trying, consider a virtual candle lit in memory and honor of your wedding day 25 years ago.  It does matter, maybe only to our own hearts, but our memories matter. We remember. 🕯️

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