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100peacocks

Just overwhelming

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It’s been 8 years since that horrible Thanksgiving Day when my LH passed away so suddenly.  I had a meltdown today.  Missing the deadline to pay for my son’s field trip just tipped me over the edge today.  The trip was one of the requirements for his high school advanced program, and I dropped the ball.  I’ve been juggling so many things for so long.  With the holidays coming, the demands of in-laws, the demands of work, the demands of keeping the house upright, of kids activities, of people wanting me to volunteer for everything, and lunches, and going out.  It’s just too much.  It’s this constant barrage coming straight at me. 


I sat down and cried today.  It’s been a while since I’ve done that.  And I miss him so much.  And it stresses my kids so much when they see me upset.  I tell them it’s not their fault, but they feel guilty nonetheless.  Sometimes it’s just too hard.

 

I just signed up to this forum today...just needed to release my emotions out there. :*(

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100peacocks   Solidarity in this widowhood journey, I get it.  Hope that an exception can be made for the late payment?  I love the holidays but the stress of trying to manage it all is too much.  Six years for me, yesterday I visited his gravesite and cried, hadn't done this in a long time.  I'm hope for you for some peaceful days ahead, and that the high school program situation is resolved.   

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This is our 4th holiday since losing my husband and I totally get it. I have a teen and a young adult and neither drives so I’m always all over the place. I freaking color code my daytimer to try to keep juggling but I always manage to drop at least 1 ball. We can’t keep that juggling up infinitely. Talk to the organizer. I am sure they can make an exception. Hugs and breathe! We are only human and we can only do so much! All we can do is own up and then understand we can juggle with the best to them but only to a certain degree and then flush all the negativity away. Tomorrow is a new day. 

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 You've come to the right place to release those emotions. We all get it. I've missed so many deadlines to pay for things I have never had asked for so many exceptions in my life!

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You will find strength you never knew you had through your grief and hit emotional walls and pits like a freight train. All normal. You are remarkable for taking all of that on in your grief.  If you need to cry do. We're here for you ❤

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I'm approaching the 7 year mark and overwhelming is a word I am very familiar with! I used to check in here regularly but haven't felt that need or have just had too much on my plate to take the time. This morning I had a very deep cry that I have not had in a long time. Not sure if it's just the closeness of the sadiversary or relief from a large project at work completed on time or the 80th birthday party for my FIL planned for 2 days before the sadiversary. No matter, it all just blends into overwhelming who I am, a widower, father, son, boss, friend, and this nagging feeling like I don't truly measure up to the standard I'd like to for any of those.

 

I totally understand how missing a deadline could send you over the edge. It seems that even after all this time and no longer actively grieving the trigger is still there. No matter how deeply it may be buried it still gets pulled from time to time. We are forever changed by the loss of our spouse and so few truly understand how deep it runs.

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The weight of managing everything on our own does catch up with us. Crying is inevitable. It is too much at times. Very relatable! I tell my close friends quite often that my soul is exhausted. 

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my soul is exhausted 

Virgo : So well said . 

It seems that sometimes when you feel you have a full tank of gas ,emotionially, one small or not so small hiccup sets it back to empty.

Having to deal with all of the things in life is so hard.

Before we had someone we loved for back-up and this is truly missed.

 

 

 

 

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31 minutes ago, donswife said:

 

It seems that sometimes when you feel you have a full tank of gas ,emotionally, one small or not so small hiccup sets it back to empty.

Having to deal with all of the things in life is so hard.

Before we had someone we loved for back-up and this is truly missed.

 

 

 

 

 Yep, agree with all you both said.

 

Sometimes I wonder how come I managed to survive the loss of Ken and now one or two idiots at work can make me lose my cool. 

 

But you are right @donswife, before we had the back-up and now it's gone. Sometimes when I feel really low I try to think what Ken would say to me and I usually know and right then stop giving a shit:)

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