jlhallgamer

Those stories are horrible. speaking of work though I left halfway through the day on Monday. I knew I was about to cry and I did

I am seeing a grief councilor actually. Every day my mind on different subjects change so it makes it hard to stay on track with what they want me to do. I came to the realization this morning that my codependency issues are exacerbating my loneliness. Which in turn makes the depression worse. I'm now to the point where I don't want to do anything most of the time. I'll have moments where I get motivated but then they disappear. I thought maybe I can fill in the space of loneliness with friends but I only have a few, and honestly I don't want to bother them with my problems. I'm going to see if I can see my councilor more than the every other week I have been. It might be over kill but I almost always have a question racing through my head.

I met my wife in high school and we got married at 16. We were madly in love and I wanted so desperately to save her from her toxic home life. That was the beginning of my codependency problems I believe. Unfortunately her past and what was going on in the present was to much for her to handle and she took her own life. We were only together for 7 years but those were the best 7 years of both of our lives (she said that in her final text to me as well). I had wished, and still do, that I could take away her pain and fix what was broken. Now I'm left trying to pickup the pieces of my heart. It's a daily struggle as you guys know. I had to leave work early yesterday because I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and didn't want to make a scene at work. I know we weren't together as long as most people on this site, but I believe that we were soulmates. We barely ever got into fights. We helped each other the best we could when the other was having a rough time of it. Now I am conflicted, because I want to find someone to help me manage this pain like my Hannah did. Am I wrong to want to date this early? I'm only 23 and still learning about myself and the world. Hannah was the only person I ever dated and loved. I gave my whole heart and being to her and now I'm broken. Sometimes it feels like beyond repair.

Thank you so much to everyone. I hope to continue to help others on this site like you guys have helped me. I know that I need any resources to lean on. I don't have many friends due to my social anxieties, but I'm trying to work on them. Until then I hope to make some friends to contact when times get tough through this site.

I am so sorry for your lose. I'm still new to this myself, however I have noticed that keeping your faith as much as you can helps a lot. Faith that you will be ok. Faith in whatever you believe in (religion, people, your love). It isn't easy. Most of my days I seem to lose that faith, but I try to keep my chin up. I hope that you will be able to do the same as time goes on. I wish the best for you.

I understand your feelings. My wife took her own life so I feel like I can't exactly blame God or anybody but herself. I am so very sorry for your lose though and I hope you are able to find some peace, even for a moment, soon. I feel like she wants me to move on and that she is watching out for me. I'm not fully ready to move on yet. I still breakdown and cry often, even though I try to not let others see me do it.

I'm so sorry about what your employer has done to you. That is not right at all. I wonder how they would feel to lose a spouse and have to put up with what you are. I hope everything works out for you though.

Thank you for the advice. I have a hard time talking with people online or in person. I think it might be easier this way, and for my sanity sake I have to try.

I fully understand I am still fresh at being a widower. It feels like every day my emotions are flipping almost every hour, and usually they swing to the extremes. I'm glad to hear other people say it will get better. I just hope to be able to handle this pain long enough.

I returned part time after 2 weeks and 2 more after that until I was back to full time. To this day (2 months in) I still dread going into work most mornings. I do it obviously for the money, but also to keep me busy.

I understand that pain. The thought of the night coming everyday fills me with dread. Another night in the same bed alone. I miss her so much, but today I had a moment of clarity and I was able to pray and said what what I have been wanting to say to Hannah out in the open. I feel better about it. I hope that all others on this site can feel that way. It might just be a fleeting moment though.

It's just great to know that I am not alone in these feelings. I hope it gets better for you and I hope this site can help both of us in someway.

I live in Southeast Missouri. Does anybody have good resources to find widow support groups? The closest place I found was Kansas City MO, but that's a 6 hour drive for me and I don't really want to drive that far. I'm assuming these last an hour or two. Am I right in my assumption?

I felt the same way during the first month of my wife's passing. My experience sounds different, but I do notice that those emotions come into spurts. In my opinion it sounds like you have dealt with the great better than myself. I don't think any of this helps much, but I don't think it's weird or wrong.

Today is my anniversary of beginning to date Hannah. It's all still so fresh for me so I'm not certain what I should do. I think today I'm just going to focus on my college and do nothing really. Might not be the best for me, but I don't know what to do.