jlhallgamer

Those stories are horrible. speaking of work though I left halfway through the day on Monday. I knew I was about to cry and I did

I am seeing a grief councilor actually. Every day my mind on different subjects change so it makes it hard to stay on track with what they want me to do. I came to the realization this morning that my codependency issues are exacerbating my loneliness. Which in turn makes the depression worse. I'm now to the point where I don't want to do anything most of the time. I'll have moments where I get motivated but then they disappear. I thought maybe I can fill in the space of loneliness with friends but I only have a few, and honestly I don't want to bother them with my problems. I'm going to see if I can see my councilor more than the every other week I have been. It might be over kill but I almost always have a question racing through my head.

I met my wife in high school and we got married at 16. We were madly in love and I wanted so desperately to save her from her toxic home life. That was the beginning of my codependency problems I believe. Unfortunately her past and what was going on in the present was to much for her to handle and she took her own life. We were only together for 7 years but those were the best 7 years of both of our lives (she said that in her final text to me as well). I had wished, and still do, that I could take away her pain and fix what was broken. Now I'm left trying to pickup the pieces of my heart. It's a daily struggle as you guys know. I had to leave work early yesterday because I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and didn't want to make a scene at work. I know we weren't together as long as most people on this site, but I believe that we were soulmates. We barely ever got into fights. We helped each other the best we could when the other was having a rough time of it. Now I am conflicted, because I want to find someone to help me manage this pain like my Hannah did. Am I wrong to want to date this early? I'm only 23 and still learning about myself and the world. Hannah was the only person I ever dated and loved. I gave my whole heart and being to her and now I'm broken. Sometimes it feels like beyond repair.

Thank you so much to everyone. I hope to continue to help others on this site like you guys have helped me. I know that I need any resources to lean on. I don't have many friends due to my social anxieties, but I'm trying to work on them. Until then I hope to make some friends to contact when times get tough through this site.

I am so sorry for your lose. I'm still new to this myself, however I have noticed that keeping your faith as much as you can helps a lot. Faith that you will be ok. Faith in whatever you believe in (religion, people, your love). It isn't easy. Most of my days I seem to lose that faith, but I try to keep my chin up. I hope that you will be able to do the same as time goes on. I wish the best for you.

I understand your feelings. My wife took her own life so I feel like I can't exactly blame God or anybody but herself. I am so very sorry for your lose though and I hope you are able to find some peace, even for a moment, soon. I feel like she wants me to move on and that she is watching out for me. I'm not fully ready to move on yet. I still breakdown and cry often, even though I try to not let others see me do it.

I'm so sorry about what your employer has done to you. That is not right at all. I wonder how they would feel to lose a spouse and have to put up with what you are. I hope everything works out for you though.

Thank you for the advice. I have a hard time talking with people online or in person. I think it might be easier this way, and for my sanity sake I have to try.

I fully understand I am still fresh at being a widower. It feels like every day my emotions are flipping almost every hour, and usually they swing to the extremes. I'm glad to hear other people say it will get better. I just hope to be able to handle this pain long enough.

I returned part time after 2 weeks and 2 more after that until I was back to full time. To this day (2 months in) I still dread going into work most mornings. I do it obviously for the money, but also to keep me busy.

I understand that pain. The thought of the night coming everyday fills me with dread. Another night in the same bed alone. I miss her so much, but today I had a moment of clarity and I was able to pray and said what what I have been wanting to say to Hannah out in the open. I feel better about it. I hope that all others on this site can feel that way. It might just be a fleeting moment though.

It's just great to know that I am not alone in these feelings. I hope it gets better for you and I hope this site can help both of us in someway.

I live in Southeast Missouri. Does anybody have good resources to find widow support groups? The closest place I found was Kansas City MO, but that's a 6 hour drive for me and I don't really want to drive that far. I'm assuming these last an hour or two. Am I right in my assumption?

I felt the same way during the first month of my wife's passing. My experience sounds different, but I do notice that those emotions come into spurts. In my opinion it sounds like you have dealt with the great better than myself. I don't think any of this helps much, but I don't think it's weird or wrong.

Today is my anniversary of beginning to date Hannah. It's all still so fresh for me so I'm not certain what I should do. I think today I'm just going to focus on my college and do nothing really. Might not be the best for me, but I don't know what to do.

Hi I just found this site and am try find a place to vent and discuss subjects with other Widows and widowers. Right now I feel alone and lonely and I'm not use to feeling this way. This statement probably is one of those captain obvious ones. I'm trying to stay active with friends and family, but it isn't seeming to help. I still feel empty and alone even when I am surrounded by friends. My wife and I got married at 16 and we were each others only true loves. I don't really know how to act around people. I am extremely socially anxious, codependant, and self doubting. I just want to know that their are others out there and try to find people I can talk to about my problems who understand.