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Tweety76

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Posts posted by Tweety76

    Taking the ring off after only (?) five months?

    in Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

    Posted

    As others have already said well with all the stories, timelines and reason and what to do with the ring(s) very by each person. I took of my rings near 3 months out because my hands were swelling and I didn't want to have them cut of (would have hurt more). In all honesty, taking off the rings hurt only physically because they were stuck and I had to pull them off. I did put my husbands ring on from time to time, then wore nothing for a period and now have settled to wear his ring on my left hand middle finger and another ring of his I got him for 40th birthday on my right index finger.

     

    Not sure what to do with mine (I have two identical gold bands like his) but I'll probably one day have something made out of them.

     

    Hugs Brenda! Do what feels right for you and you always have the right to change your mind anytime.

    Please add to this - I accomplished this today

    in Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

    Posted

    I have no idea what got into me this morning but I started to organize (read: moderate version of cleaning) the house and packing up a massive bag full of stuff to throw away. Good, but not a biggie because that stuff is mine. Then I decided that it is time to give away some pants and whatever is left in the closet of his. Good... open closet door and bam, I immediately felt ill just by touching something I wasn't going to give a way but what I needed to move to get to the pile I was about to go through. Nope, close door, next closet, his suit shirts. Bam, hysterical crying. What is wrong with me, I was thinking. I've been doing great and now this? Sheesh, can't do this. I made a mental note to ask my sister to come and help me with that stuff.

     

    I organized stuff elsewhere in the house and then thought, Ok Tweet, just look at the pants that still have price tag on them. Tadaa! all of a sudden I have 2 bags full of suit shirts, pants and stuff to drag to my sister's husband and dad to try out. WOHOO!!!! Even with a rocky start, I DID IT!!!!!

     

    I'm past the 1 year mark, just to put perspective time wise :) Last time I downsized anything was in January, so I suppose by year 3 I may even have gotten to near normal amount of stuff around the house.

    Been bugging me for a week now. Have to get it out.

    in Beyond the First Year (1+ years)

    Posted

    Thank you everyone for your understanding responses! I know that the paths are unique but the "you'll be angry at him in time" kind of response just took me off guard and for some reason got stuck in my head and made me doubt myself. I am worried at time that am I denying something but I suppose that is a discussion to have with my therapist.

     

    BTW, I instructed the new widow here. I truly hope she decides to join us. The support, love and understanding that exists here is what would be in her benefit. She (like all of us) needs so much kind support and glimpses of hope.

     

    Thank you my fantastic friends! As I've said so many times, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you <3

    Been bugging me for a week now. Have to get it out.

    in Beyond the First Year (1+ years)

    Posted

    Haven't posted much lately and been mostly lurking (less than I used to).

     

    So last Sunday we had informal get together with local wids (we don't call them bagos for the mere reason of language). There were three very new ones, 2 year widda, 4 year widda, 8 year widda and me (a little over a year widda). The new ones were asking questions from us more seasoned ones and of course we shared. I told my story and said that after the year mark and actually a lot earlier things got better and easier. The 4 year widda then said to the new one (about 2-4 months) that for her at third year things started to feel "normal" again and there was no magic at the year mark (I spoke first). I started to think that how is it that we are so different. The new widow looked horrible when she said it (she looked hopeful after I spoke). I nearly started to think what am I doing wrong. But not just yet.

     

    Then the topic of being angry at the dead spouse came. The seasoned ones said they had that and I said that I have not ones been angry at DH. To many others I have been angry at but not him. My justification: He was such a great person that I was never angry (I mean really angry at him when he lived, so why would I do it now? Wasn't his choice to die.). The 8 year widda just flat out said to me: you still have time. I've been wondering since that moment that am I doing something wrong? Yes, I miss him. I sometimes cry for him. Heck I cry for my own life but it passes and I know it and it doesn't fill my days and actually requires a trigger which I inflict on me (yes, I'm nuts). Cheese... Why is this bothering me so much?

     

    BTW, my extensive usage of the word widda is because I like the term, that's all.

    Closing online accounts rant!

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I still haven't closed DH's LinkedIN profile even I know how to do that and reading this thread it dawned on me that he may have had PayPall account too plus whatever I am not even aware of. Dang...

     

    We actually have a digital funeral parlor that can close all online stuff for you. They started about half a year ago and operate still on very local level, but have plans widening the service to nationwide and then perhaps global. So it's not a dream, it's real.

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