WarriorModeMom

Corey- I am so sorry that you, too, have joined this club nobody wants to join or have to welcome another member..... There are many days where life is a fog. My husband and I had a pretty good run for nearly 18 years. We were inseparable for the most part and had so much in common. Life -- even with children -- was mostly even keel for us. To have that taken away is beyond words. It doesn't help that my husband was being treated out of state for most of last year before he died. But I guess, having had that experience of dealing with day-to-day activities and child wrangling sans spouse, helped to prepare for the inevitable. I am pretty new to this forum, as well. I hope to learn a lot from those who have travelled down this path before me. I hope that I will be able to provide some insight, as well.

I would you join you in a glass of wine, but just broke the corkscrew in the cork....lol. Not sure how that even happened, but had to laugh. I was really ready for a glass of wine with dinner after spending the afternoon on the phone with the Genius Bar rep to guide me through backing up the computer (which hadn't happened in over 200 days since my husband died). I also needed guidance with upgrading my phone that I bought for Christmas. After jumping through all the hoops with Apple, I called my service provider for service, but found out that I couldn't upgrade my device until the service is changed over to my name (even though I'm an authorized user on the account). I'm almost there and will follow up with them in person tomorrow. At least I have an open bottle of Bulleit (with ginger ale) on hand to enjoy after a long day. I feel like I'm in grad school. This is all such a learning curve. So that's what's new with me, should any of my friends ask. :-)

Not Saturday, but last Friday: I went out for the first time with some friends for drinks. I also wanted to see a Led Zeppelin cover band that was playing that night, but my friends decided to stay perched at their watering hole. I decided to go by myself to hear the band. I mean, come on; Misty Mountain Hop (or insert your favorite LZ song here) is the best"fuck cancer" song. Why? I don't know.... With those pounding drums and everything else going on in the song, I just feel like it is. Music is incredibly healing. I felt like I turned my widow sign off for a few hours -- and that was okay. Thankfully, nobody bothered me or hit on me and I didn't talk to anyone (even thought the bass player looked like the coolest dude strutting his stuff up there on stage....).

Linda, I am so sorry about your loss. My husband was also 50. He died last October after a year and a half battle with cancer. Our girls are 12 and almost 10. My mother-in-law lives on LI and we historically visit every summer and Christmas.

This is so good to know. My husband was from Long Island and our girls were born in the city. He was a huge Long Islanders fan. I'll have to look into the special tickets for next Christmas when I go back to NY.

Thank you TooSoon. A friend of ours made a donation to this camp in memory of my husband (who died in October). I have been in touch with Camp Kesem and found a chapter close to us (we're in Louisiana, but the closest is in Alabama). My girls will go in June right after school ends for the summer. Also, for children who have lost a parent, not just to cancer, the Moyer Foundation has Camp Erin with several chapters nationwide. I had already been looking for such camps after his diagnosis 16 months before. I'm sure someone has way ahead of me on posting this, but just in case, here's the link: https://moyerfoundation.org/camps-programs/camp-erin/

I am an ENFP: The Campaigner and Free Spirit (according to the website).

New Orleans....Laissez les bon temps rouler!

My name is Lesley. My husband of nearly 18 years lost his 16 month battle to cancer three months ago. We were hopeful that one of the clinical trials would keep this aggressive cancer at bay. But none of the treatments worked. Nothing worked. To watch such a brilliant, disciplined and determined man wither away before my eyes was heart-wrenching, to say the least. He was being treated at Memorial Sloan-Kettering for most of last year. We have two tween daughters. For the girls and me, our day-to-day lives are the same as they have been since March of last year – starting and ending the day without him here. We just know he isn’t coming home for a long weekend this time….. Because our daily routines have been the same (except for the three weeks he spent in home hospice) I don’t think it has truly hit us yet. I have been in warrior mode since June of 2015. Not survival mode, because to me, that just means barely hanging on by a thread. But I also know that a good warrior knows when to let other tribe members help to mend and polish the shield. Thankfully, we have an extraordinary tribe. Our family couldn’t have managed without the faculty and families of the girls’ school; the hospice grief counselor; our church; as well as our longtime, all around good friends. I have learned to say “yes” and “thank you” when friends ask if they can help in any way. One good friend is a comic book illustrator. When he asked if he could help, I told him I needed a muse; a warrior I could see in comic book form. She is my profile pic. My husband was the strict disciplinarian. I had been letting the girls have a bit more iPad and tv time. But I’ve just found out that they have mostly shut down at school (since December and not much has changed since returning last week). I guess I’ve shut down a bit, as well. By allowing them more electronics time, I’ve been able to zone out, too. I know we’ll get through this wilderness, but it won’t be easy. Thank you for listening. I look forwarding to getting to know my fellow warriors here. I know I will learn a lot from you all; gleaning nuggets of wisdom and guidance.