Mangomom

Were you able to locate this article?  I have saved this one and three others that I share with any new widow or their friends. I’m happy to repost it. 
 

I also have many fond memories of the lifeline this forum was for me in the earliest of days. I am now 10 years on this journey and life is so much different than I ever imagined.

 

I stumbled back into this page looking for an essay about wedding rings and wedding photos I remember from so many years ago. About reserving the right to always wear them and display them when needed. Anyone remember that one?

10 hours ago, twin_mom said:

You're not crazy, just at a crossroad. I think pick a direction and see how it goes...

That’s just as scary!!  What if I pick wrong?

 

I’m kind of kidding, but this is always what my head says.  I absolutely miss having someone who always had my back, regardless the direction I picked.  It has really shook my foundation.

Hi all, i was an active poster a few years ago, then fellow the radar.  DH is gone 6 years and I have managed two failed serious relationships.  I can't seem to make a decision or a commitment to ANYTHING in my life this many years out.  I was able to hide behind my kids for a few years - "I'll get to me when they go to college"  They both just left for their sophomore and senior years at university last week and I am right back to the total bewilderment of who I am and what I want.  I have an albatross of a house that I can't commit to fixing or selling.  I have two wonderful exes who would still love to make it work that I just can't love "enough"  I think I want to go back to school, but nothing is interesting enough for me to pursue as a career.  You see the problem here?  I know only I have the answers, but I am once again reaching out to my tribe to get some feedback and maybe hear that I am not crazy, that you have felt this and there is a light at the end of this current tunnel :)

Bummer.  Way too much going on that weekend.  Have fun!

And I am bringing along a "plus one". Surprise!  You can all meet my chapter two who is also "in the club".

Packing my bag. Will be in a NY state of mind in a few hours

I could eat a HUGE juicy medium rare steak right now since I just came back from a long run...

 

Out for a walk/run

 

or

 

Out for a bike ride

 

Off to find some red meat protein in this house.  I shouldn't be so open to suggestion... 

You might have widda brain if...  every time this thread pops up you remember that you posted earlier about forgetting your registration for the vehicle after reading lcoxwell's post about an envelope in a car days ago.  Then you promptly forget that you still need to find the damn registration.

 

Great.  I am now using you people as my reminder feature on my computer...

And guess what came in the mail today?  The finalized registration.  So, I filled it out, wrote a check AND mailed it, all with no recollection.  I made sure to put it right in the glove box.  Now I'm off to find the Calgon...

I think you should look it up on Urban Dictionary.  I think Gracelet might be in for a wild ride if she actually meant Box... 

DISCLAIMER:  Not for the faint of heart!

I think you should look it up on Urban Dictionary.  I think Gracelet might be in for a wild ride if she actually meant Box... 

I have an acquaintance who lost a child (senior) at the beginning of this school year.  The whole family is devastated and the younger son (8th grade) has missed ALOT of school because Mom just doesn't get him up or he doesn't feel like going.  By law, the school had to report her and send registered letters, etc.  While they understood the situation, they have a legal responsibility.

 

In your case, it sounds like it goes beyond that.  The school employee who reported it must have taken creative license and offered opinion, rather than fact, regarding your mental health.  That is wrong.  I would certainly contact a lawyer to discuss the situation.  Not to sue anyone, but to find out how you can legally go about making this right.  In the meantime, there are only a couple of months left in the school year.  Try to make a good faith effort to get your son to school, so they have no further information to report.

 

It is so hard to navigate our own way through this hell.  Having to be the leader through it for our kids is downright terrifying.  I wish you the best

There are two "professional widows" that I follow online.  One Fit Widow Non Profit and Second Firsts.  Both women have lost husbands and are using their personal experience to help others.  That is what we do here.  It just so happens that these women have gained support from people and organizations outside their circle of friends.  I don't begrudge either of these women for taking a center stage in the grief world.  They both have a huge message to share and are privileged to have such a public forum.  As a matter of fact, our own "Wifeless" was just published on one of their websites as a featured author.  Good for him to be a able to share his beautiful message that we have been blessed to already read and even pass along to other people who are in need of the support.

As far as the soccer mom I think we all have run across these kinds of people and I still don't know how to handle them.

  Why is it so hard for us to just tell people "I really don't want to discuss it."?

 

I find myself giving more details than I really should because once the gate is open, its hard to close it.  On the few occasions that I encountered someone emotionally intrusive, shutting them down is kind of satisfying, because you can see the frustration on their face when they are not given access to your private thoughts.  Soccer Mom is more than likely an "emotional bully" without even realizing it.  She certainly doesn't mean to cause you pain, but just wants all the juicy details.  And it sounds like she uses those details to quantify your grief compared to hers.  I could be completely over reading your soccer mom, but that is generally the case with the ones I run into.

Have dates been discussed?  I have been bitten by the bago bug   This one looks fun.

I was a part-time writer for 13 years before my wife died so I know my way around a participle, but if I'd been picky about grammatical errors and misspellings I never would've married her.

Serpico!! You could charge per word to help us write our profiles!  You know what men want to hear and you can make it grammatically pleasing  win/win!

Snickers! (Anything with caramel, really...)

 

SVU

or

Sports Car?

Depending on my timing, I'd love to meet up Sat. night.  I also don't think your friend shouldn't come on Sunday as well as Sat.  I have met lots of non-widowed significant others at bagos.  Why not welcome her too?  That's my take though and just me.

she has friends in the city and might meet up with them.  Thanks for the offer.  We'll see what happens . Post here as it gets closer and we can figure something for Saturday.

I hear you.  I have no answers, only ears.  He sounds like my kid.  Had the world by the balls and he lost it when his Dad died.  Just kind of gave up trying.  He is graduating, and just decided on his college, so he has a bit of momentum.  But, like you, I'm sure, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I'm terrified it won't be til first semester in school, like your kid.

 

Ugh.  It'll all work out how its suppose to.  Its just so hard to watch

Anyone up for Sat night, too?  If we arrange something, I hope you don't mind if I bring my friend along.  She's just divorced, not widowed.  According to half the people we meet, she's just like us, right??    I will kick her to the curb for Sunday though.  Open to suggestions!

Your track record for surviving is 100%, honey.  You got this.  Good luck to you!  Let us know how it goes!

7/25 is a little tougher for me, because I have one kid away and one JUST home from 3 weeks away.  Not sure I can make her pack up and travel the day after she gets home.  I am responding so that I can get updates, as well.

His therapist can't speak to you about his patient per HIPPA laws, but he was creative in his messaging.  Is it possible you can contact the therapist and discuss your concerns?  Tell him you are worried about pushing him.  As his therapist, he can't respond, but he can certainly listen and tailor/apply what is needed in session.  And, with your son's approval, you can sit it.  In my state the medical age of consent is 14 (!!!!) so legally, I have no conversation regarding my son. I am, however listed as a family therapy patient, and in those visits, we can discuss my son freely, with or without him.  Just a thought.

 

Good luck.  It is so hard to watch them struggle.  And the fear of falling is so great it is paralyzing as a parent.  (((hugs)))

You might have widda brain if...  every time this thread pops up you remember that you posted earlier about forgetting your registration for the vehicle after reading lcoxwell's post about an envelope in a car days ago.  Then you promptly forget that you still need to find the damn registration.

 

Great.  I am now using you people as my reminder feature on my computer...

Fuck that despite being surrounded by people I feel so fucking alone.

This   Fuck this. (Well, all the other stuff on this thread, too.  But, right now?  THIS.)

As of this minute, my calendar is open.