Mangomom

I am a definite maybe.  Trying to find somewhere for my kids to go so I can get away...  Only parent problems suck.

So.. it is a popularity contest? awesome..

  I don't see it that way at all.  Believe me, there were times on the old board that I questioned whether anyone even read my posts.  An acknowledge feature would be nice to have to just say, "I hear you." without having to type out a whole response when some days I don't have the words.

Congratulations on the next paragraph in your new Chapter!  Im sure you are both elated to know you can wake up each day together.

One thing I did like about the old new board was the like feature.  It allowed you to acknowledge someones post without having to reply with "yea, me too, I get it"  This karma/smite thing is general to the poster, not the post.  Also, it seems you can't tag people in the posts anymore.  Is there anything we can do about these two things?

Reposting my response from the old new board

 

Interesting you say that. I am at 31 months and I too am feeling the pain of his void is less. Don't get me wrong, I miss him terribly, but I find myself looking forward much more than back. And for the first time, when I look forward it is not with longing that he will be at my side. That said... tomorrow might be a whole different ball game

Here's an old one of mine...  my kid took my glass of "water" to take his meds...  It was straight vodka.  At least is was his evening meds and not morning.  Talk about a red flag.  This is partly why I no longer drink.

This thread was a life saver for me.  It was oddly comforting to know that the "confessions" of others were actually things I had been doing and was afraid to let anyone know.  I honestly can't even remember what my confessions were, but I know I laughed and cried right along with all of them.  Thank you for resurrecting it.

Fuck that my kid is hurting and I can't make it better.  I know, this would have happened even if Dad didn't die, but still... It fucking sucks.  What sucks. Most is that I don't have another adult who is equally invested to bounce ideas off of.  There, now it's about him dying.

The office manager, about the most unpleasant old mare ever conceived takes one look at my stricken, tearful face and chirped brightly: "don't you worry, you are still young and you'll get married again

 

Your cemetery witch and my gravedigger must have studied at the same school for the obnoxious!

At the cemetery,  3 days after he unexpectedly died, buying the plots...  "You sure you want two? You are young and pretty, you'll probably marry again."

 

Former best friend... "If you think you should be crying about B and you aren't, call me and I'll do it.  I miss him so much."

 

My own mother, after seeing my new hair cut at abou 9 months out... Wow, you've bounced back.  I'm so happy for you.  There's a guy in my office..."

If you smite someone does that mean you're smitten with them?

 

 

Like pulling pigtails?

But it's like a secret admirer...  You don't know who smites you.  I hate secrets 

I'm not sure we are going to keep that feature. I'm don't know that it serves any useful purpose and someone that is smited may have their feelings hurt. However, before any final decision is made if anyone wants me to smite them to feel like a bad ass I am happy to do so.

 

Ooh!  Me!  Smite me, baby!  I wanna be certifiably badass!

 

Ok, so I am badass now, thank you!  But who smited me?  I'm telling on them! 

I'm not sure we are going to keep that feature. I'm don't know that it serves any useful purpose and someone that is smited may have their feelings hurt. However, before any final decision is made if anyone wants me to smite them to feel like a bad ass I am happy to do so.

 

Ooh!  Me!  Smite me, baby!  I wanna be certifiably badass!

<3  This is where I am these days.  Thank you for giving it words.  Bless the anon OP for the ability to verbalize it.

I am so tempted to come up for this since 4/13 is my birthday.  Logistically, it will be a nightmare.  Can I check the "maybe" box?

My kids were 12 (she was one month shy of 13) and 15 (just had his birthday 5 days before).  I have struggled the entire time knowing if the behaviors are grief or teen.  I think it is a fine tightrope we walk in raising these kids alone with grief.  It will get a little easier to differentiate the older they get.  My daughter cries all the time that she just wants to be normal and have a normal family.  And when pressed, it is mostly teen angst.  Guess what, kiddo??  THIS IS NORMAL NOW.

 

I would certainly listen to and sympathize, even empathize that you miss her, too.  "But she's gone, lets make Mom proud by showing her that you can rely on me, too".  I would hesitate to say anything like we have each other, or something of the sort.  Both of my kids seem to think my emotional well being is their responsibility.  I don't think you want to foster that.

 

Anyway... Your loss is still new, fresh, painful for everyone.  Be gentle and allow the extra dramatic responses, but help him pick himself up and tell him that you are doing it because mommy taught you so well how to do it.