DrMommy

Yep....I call it trauma brain. I am a year and a half out and still patiently await the return of my memory!

I am so so sorry for your loss. Eat, sleep....do what you can to nurture yourself and your kids. Use your supports and resources. We are all here of you....we get it.

Hugs to you Mango mom. My 10 year old is graduating from elementary school this June and I am already a sad mess. No one to come and celebrate...most of my family (and husband) are gone.

My husband was misdiagnosed with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma at the age of 35. He survived that and was in remission for 13 years. He then suddenly became septic and was eventually diagnosed with a rare blood disorder that was that to be dormant and triggered by the intensive chemo treatment he had received 13 years prior. He was dead within weeks of the diagnosis.

Both of my kids had it sone...my son when he was 2 and my daughter when she was 5. Totally changed the quality of their lives. They haven't needed antibiotics since then!

That last part about your son reaching for his mom just broke me. That is the hardest part for me. When they are in true emotional pain for their lost parent (not that manipulative stuff we all get from time to time). My kids will cry hard....like unable to breath because of their pain in not having their dad. All I can do is validate their feelings and let them know I love them. Hugs to you and you little guy.

My name is Tracey (DrMommy from the previous boards). My husband was diagnosed (after a year and a half of mis-diagnoses) with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma at the age of 35. He survived the gnarly treatment and went into remission. We struggled with fertility for years. All I ever wanted was a boy and girl born in August as I, my mom, my brother and other close family members were born in August and I wanted 2 little cubs to join our pride. Fertility docs wouldn't even do invitro on us because of the damage caused by the intensive chemo treatment. Fast forward....after a lot of prayer and surrender (oh...and I am a scientist so that didn't hurt) I conceived naturally and have 2 little Leo cubs born on August 1 and August 18th. My husband fell suddenly ill in May of 2013 and went fully septic in a matter or 3 days. He had developed a rare and nearly always fatal blood disorder eventually diagnosed as HLH (thought to have been dormant and triggered by previous chemo treatment). He fought like hell to live, but my 2 young children and I found him dead in our home on a Saturday morning. We have been devastated and traumatized. I am still picking up the pieces. And to add to that...my mom (who was my closest friend) died only a matter of weeks before my husband. We were not told she was fighting terminal uterine/liver cancer. I had 10 days to find out, put her in hospice, and say good bye. Her mother (with whom I was intensely close) died 12 weeks before her. 2013 was an absolute shit storm. I have since sold my house, bought a new one, have become sole provider and parent and and trying to re-engage in life. I know I am not done living and loving.