Michael797

Time to chime in. Ditto that life-saving thing - I'm going to call this the mother of all bagos. Each day brings us all closer - see you soon!

Gonna attempt to represent some of the newbs; I'm planning on being there.

Found ya! Thanks a billion for the lovely time.

I'm here, but nobody knows what I'm talking about. Hope I got the right one.

We're getting close to a reboot of the first Hershey bago, plus extra friends - AND a cool new venue. Looking very cool, peeps.

I'm gonna confirm for this Saturday. See you all then.

Thanks, you two - I'm glad you're still there. I honestly thought I was turning a corner, but that's when I smacked into the wall. I've been through some creepy shit, but this is unprecedented, and "Don't worry, be happy" isn't working. A bago or two usually helps - good thing there's a few to look forward to.

Really, you?re still coming here? This thread?s not so funny anymore, you know. Oh-fucking-kay, you asked for it. The following post should mathematically be in the next forum over, but given the subject matter, we?ll just park it here with the rest of the crud (no offense meant to other posters). This one?s called ?Letting Go.? Catchy, ain?t it? ?Giving Up? is more fitting, but it sounds too suicidal. Standards and Practices would be shrieking like cheerleaders. But anyway? Everywhere I go now, I see ghosts. It?s just turned nine months, but everything that happened last year at this time is playing over and over in my eyes. A constant string of dead moments. It?s like living in a Night Gallery episode. I?m nearly always alone now - can?t think of anything to do with myself, but I don?t want to be around anyone, either. All I can think about is last year?s fight and decline. She hasn?t appeared in a long time. I think she?s really officially had to move on. Yet it seems appropriate to relive her nightmare over again; she truly deserved to have someone honor her for the rest of their life, so it doesn?t seem like such a bad thing to be doing. I can?t stop thinking about her anyway ? she always had the perfect response for whatever mood I presented her with. Nobody else can do that, nobody. You can really get to miss that when you lose it. So I can?t stop thinking about her and missing her. But I really do think she?s gone, and now life is just a big drag. Nothing?s changed, but everything?s completely empty and soulless. That?s probably not good. I just might have to finally let go. Whatever that means. Frankly, it doesn?t sound easy. Ugh, apologies for the toxic content of this post. Please don?t track any of it out with you when you leave. Sorry.

That's the one. Looking forward to your finally seeing the place.

All winter long (and we got smacked in the northeast this time), I couldn't wait until spring - just figured that the warmer air and sun would finally obliterate all the creepiness of this past winter and the holidays. But this year, spring feels like an alternate reality; I'm supposed to be driving all over creation for the sake of keeping my soulmate alive. Now there's no soulmate, and I have no idea where I'm going or why I'm headed there. Yeah, I do think the next three months will be the creepiest time of all. So I, for one, am there with you. It's not much, but it's all I have right now. I can truly say, with more sincerity than I've ever possessed, I get it.

So sorry you can't make it, MM. You will be missed a lot. I think we're up to 4 now (assuming SVS will confirm soon). I'll probably be bringing BlueMoon15 along. Just a reminder that this is a lovely little venue, and we're pretty much guaranteed to have plenty of space for whatever we wish. The food was great as well. Like LisaPop says, bagos are the one thing you didn't know you need until you go to one (or something). Hope to see as many there as can make it.

Now that winter is behind us and travel is more friendly, SoVerySad and I are proposing another shot at the Hershey venue that she so brilliantly found but never actually got to see. It's roughly a month away, hopefully enough time to get your ducks in a row. I'll post a link to the place as soon as I can find it again.

Make that five maybes, please.

Here?s a transmission that belongs squarely in this thread ? be warned that it?s pretty self-indulgent. As always, you?re cordially invited to go read something else, but this really needs to be brought into daylight. Last year at this time was when all hell started breaking loose. She was beginning her treatments (3 times a week) and swelling up from blood clots. Between chemo, the clots, and the medications, she was nearly always unconscious. My days consisted of getting up in the morning, flying out the door, driving 30 miles to teach a class, flying back to take her to treatments, then flying back to school to teach night classes before flying home again. She did have other family looking after her, but none of them had intended to marry her. For me, it was pretty personal. In the beginning, she asked me if she was going to die. I gave the only answer I could possibly give; ?Hell, no! You?re going to survive this and write a book and wind up on Oprah. You?ll be the inspiration for every survivor ever.? Three months later she was gone. Lately it?s all been coming back, little Kodak moments from hell. Sometimes things trigger it and other times it just sort of slithers into awareness - flashbacks that are becoming more vivid. The memories are refusing to be suppressed any longer; the trickle?s becoming a stream. Does anyone sell flood insurance for this? Everyone thinks it was Shakespeare that coined the phrase ?What fresh hell is this?? but it was actually a columnist named Dorothy Parker (did you know that?). Regardless, it?s becoming one astonishingly fresh ? one might even say springtime-fresh - hell. It's almost like the weather is bringing it all back; the days feel eerily familiar and the nightmares are returning with unmistakable grins. So how?s things been with you?

Just in case anyone stumbles into here on the way to someplace better - here's a short list called "What's the Point of Going to a Bago?" (in case you were wondering): 1. Let's face it, there really IS no other point to being a widow. 2. Very few tears are shed, although there's nothing wrong with shedding some if you want to. 3. For a few hours, you're in the "wid-ness protection program" and nothing can possibly hurt you while you're there. 4. Being among friendly people, even if you didn't know them before, becomes really attractive to you again. 5. The only thing you might get judged on is what you like on your pizza - and even that's pretty unlikely. 6. You don't get dumb stares from anyone about anything. 7. It's guaranteed newbie-friendly. 8. It's the break that you deserve. Deepest gratitude to the NYC wids for their company - cya again soon!

Sometimes words can't do justice to the value of bagos; how do you describe something that's precious beyond description? It was so good to be with friends old and new. As always, I am grateful - and as always, I'll be looking forward to the next one!

Jenni has landed! We saw Wicked last night and otherwise did a big blob of touristy stuff. Our room is big enough if all of you want to meet here instead. Otherwise, we'll see you tomorrow.

Chiming in. All systems are go for Sunday at this end. About bloody time this thing got here - when was it first planned, 2013? Just can't wait, yo.

Uh, YAH! Can you say one line over and over? I can't make it easier unless I sing it for you - and that would be not good.

Your wish is granted (well, soon); watch your email this weekend. Deepest sympathies to your brain and your butt - and the rest of you as well.

Submitted for your consideration or something - yet another unaired transmission from the vault ? probably withheld due to its being too weird. WEIRD WIDOW THOUGHTS 1. I wonder if I stand in front of a mirror in a candlelit room and say her name three times, will she show up? And if she does, will she drag me to Hell? 2. So much for ?life after death? ? after her death, I pretty much lost my life. 3. Sunlight feels creepy now. Grey seems more familiar. 4. Is it possible that I?ll never give a fuck about anything again? 5. Secretly I despise your lack of concern. You actually make death feel worse. 6. How do you know if you?re grieving correctly? 7. Never knew there were so many cemeteries around here. 8. So this is what it?s like to be an alien on a strange planet. Pretty much sucks. 9. The only advice I can give for your marital problems is ?Fix It!? 10. I really miss doing anything with you, but mostly the touching. TTFN from Radio Hell - the eternal gum on your shoe.

We need suckers... er, volunteers for the song. I'd love to get as many people as possible to just say one line in the chorus - "We can be heroes." Maybe you can do some posts in the other forums or something. Whatever we can get. You can point them to the link with directions for recording. I'm motivated by lcoxwell's and Carey's statements that "At least you're doing something." That meant a lot to hear that; if something works, then something will be done!

M2J&J, very sorry. You'll be missed. Guess we'll have to set up another one later on. Since we appear to be down to three meeting at Secaucus Junction, it looks like we won't be needing a rental car. Three of us can either fit in my Cabrio, or we can hop on the train to get in town. I'll pm folks with my cell # sometime next week so we can all keep in touch.

At this point, feel free to do the whole thing. This might be your big break.

Well.... I'll admit we're still light-years above hate radio. But the simple fact is that only TWO voices have committed to the project. So unless lc and Jenni are going to carry the whole song, we need some sort of recruitment drive. Anyone have any ideas about that? This sounds like a job for - MARKETING! Sally, you still around?