Michael797

Wait, I'm confused. I remember on the old board you used to pop up now and again and say really sweet things. It appears you're still doing that here. You seem to know where your words are just fine. As far as "out there" - I don't know anyone out there who wants to hear any of the stuff we say in here. That's why we're in here, so we don't get sucked into some emotional vortex and disappear. No need to sell yourself short. You're as special to this place as any of the rest of us. Just sayin'.

Dammit, I'm trying to kill a thread here! And then you people come here and stick up for me and give compliments and stuff.... pain in my ass. Ok, look - the party's moving to the newbie forum, where the transmissions thread is sort of responding to life support. Besides, eight months out doesn't mean shit; I'm no better off than I was at four months. Life after death, eh? Well, she's still not alive. Maybe if there's enough momentum in the other forum, we'll reopen the station - maybe have a contest or something. It's probably not healthy to occupy two stages of grief simultaneously - might lead to schizophrenia (shaddap, I'm talking). Still, hugs help. Thanks, folks.

There are lots of things you probably don't like thinking right about now. You may start wondering "Is there an upside to any of this?" Well, not really. But you can pretend there is. Or you can just read the post below. The Top 10 Perks of Being Newly Widowed 10. ?Bagos! 9. When someone tells you to ?get over it? or ?toughen up,? you can look them right in the eye and say ?Yeah, that?ll work! 8. You now have so many pillows that the cats are inviting their friends over for parties. 7. You follow more TV shows than the FCC. 6. You can have all the pizza and ice cream you want ? and you don?t have to clean up afterwards. 5. You can watch the look of horror come over people?s faces when you tell them. 4. Laundry day is only once a month. 3. You're allowed to chalk damn near anything up to "widow brain." 2. You can choose a screen name for the board like ?TheSunWillNeverEverEverShineAgainInABillionYears.? 1. When it happens to someone else, you?ll know exactly what to say to them. Or you can consider that this board, and the understanding folks contained therein, would never have come onto your radar otherwise. You won't find help in this thread, but there are plenty of others to choose from. Wids got your back.

A bunch of widow bumper stickers from the old board. Transplanted to the general forum, where they promptly sunk to the bottom. Now re-transplanted here where they (and I) belong: 1. Red, bled, and dead ? nobody rides free. 2. My other car is a Hearse. 3. If you can read this, you?re about to meet my spouse. 4. This vehicle stops at all widowbagos. 5. Warning: driver has widow brain 6. 10-4, dead buddy. 7. You have NO idea how fucking lucky you are. 7a. Try raising three honor students by yourself! 8. My baby?s in Heaven, but I went to Hell (Shameless promotion) 9. I brake for hysterical sobbing. 10. Heaven took back the angel it was missing. 11. I have no idea where I?m going. 12. Happy people suck.

Quick reality check - who needs phone numbers? Ask and ye shall receive (via PM).

TS, you KNOW you want to come.... I do hope you can pull it off. So close now - time to start getting excited.

But, but - we didn't get to talk in Connecticut. Camping trips come and go - what about the bago??? You will be missed - we need a gentleman there, and I don't qualify.

That's harder. I'm getting Jenni at Newark airport on Friday and am going to stay with her for the duration of her trip.

Also, given the time change, those of us meeting at Secaucus Junction should probably get together around 11 am instead. Hope it's not a problem. Pretty exciting to see the list growing.

Jenni, where you stayin' at, hon? That may sort of answer the question.

Here?s the lyrics: https://www.dropbox.com/s/b2ydfek891mnt1k/Heroes - Lyrics.docx?dl=0 Here?s the rough track of the music so you have something to practice with: https://www.dropbox.com/s/1kbcf6yd1uiwb7l/Heroes-Take 1.mp3?dl=0 And here are the directions for recording vocal contributions: https://www.dropbox.com/s/syju7s1j77fw8z9/Directions for Recording.docx?dl=0 Any questions, ask ?em here or PM me. Let?s set a deadline of April 25th or so, so I can release by the first of May. Sound reasonable?

Special holiday post: tomorrow (the 21st) is M?s and my eight month sadiversary. Your humble station manager has been celebrating the days leading to this monthly event in the traditional way ? by having a series of little holiday nervous breakdowns. The following post represents an equally traditional attempt to spew all the associated creepy thoughts onto a keyboard in the hope that it will sort of exorcise the little shits. Please stop reading this if exorcism doesn?t sound like your idea of a good time. Bonus Warning: to those of you who equate a high number of I?s in a sentence as a sign of egomania, be advised you?re going to lose count here. This might be a really good time as well for you folks to go find another thread. Still here? Jeez, you must be bored. Fine - let?s call the following thoughts ?realizations? since that?s what they are. Realization #1: the number of months I?m ?out? doesn?t mean jack to anyone beyond this board (apparently a common phenomenon, based on other threads around here). When M first left, mention of the ?w? word used to typically trigger reactions of shock and pity ? maybe once in a while there would be a hint of sympathy. Around six months, people began to know when I was just thinking the word, and the reactions subsequently morphed into resentment and repulsion. By eight months, it?s become ?the condition that dare not be named,? (to borrow from Potterspeak). Well, fair enough, perhaps. The fact is, I was a fraud anyway; I?m neither young (58) nor am I legally widowed (we were engaged, but time ran out before we could get married). Maybe that?s what?s behind the ?banned from grieving? status. I?m a widow wannabe. Is that pathetic or what? Realization #2: let?s face it, widowhood does bring out a certain amount of what one might call ?militant megalomania? in many of us. After all, literally overnight the person you used to count on to always be there for your ego leaves the building for good. That?s an incredible blow; with your support system washed completely down the drain, all that?s left is a terrified child who?s panicking over where their next bit of reassurance or attention is going to come from. It?s enough to make any sane person a little self-absorbed. BUT the rules of reality clearly mandate that you only get to milk that particular cow for so long; the expectation is that you had damn well better find a way to evolve past the pain ? grow out of it, sonny. Otherwise, you?re just a MISERABLE FUCKHEAD to everyone you know. That?s considered selfish behavior, and it?s not very nice of you to do that to people. Ok, take all this stuff and throw in Realization #3: if this new board finds its way (as we unanimously hope), there will be other, newer, needier widows who will be looking for some kind of solace and consolation in each other. This is a natural and correct process, no question; it simply doesn?t work as well for older, buffoonier widows who might reach a point where they?re just deluding themselves into thinking their grief still matters. Realization #4: I think the Transmissions thread did its job back in the day. It was a place where I could post the bleakest of horrors and people would understand and sympathize. People read, identified, and responded, which in turn inspired even more of the emo stuff to come out. What happens, though, is that one tends to paint one?s self into a corner that way; do you keep yourself in Hell for the entertainment value, or do you try for something maybe more uplifting in another thread (like this one) instead? Well, right now isn't such a great time to be a clown; looking through other threads, I see those all-too-familiar depths of despair pretty much everywhere, and it doesn?t seem like anybody really feels like laughing lately. Maybe there were some genuinely funny bits in this thread on the old board, but? well, that board?s gone. And jokes aren?t meant to be repeated. And maybe a time comes when you just have to accept that your fifteen minutes as a widow are up. Which takes one directly to Realization #5: As I was reading through the other threads here at our new home, two phrases stood out ? namely ?career widow? and ?professional widow.? They may sound like shitty career goals, but I can understand how some people, finding themselves in a state of desperation (and new-found poverty), might grasp at a chance to generate an income, regardless of how unsettling the methods may seem to you or I. Being fairly destitute myself, I can relate. But I don?t think I?d make a very good career widow; I keep finding things to be grateful for ? specifically, the board and the wids who showed up and pulled me out of the abyss not so long ago. I?ve simply become an ?obsolete widow.? That?s one polish-resistant turd. Sooner or later, the Hell threads will have to sink and the studio will have to go dark; it?s one of those circle of life things. My gratitude for the YWBB, this board, bagos now and yet to come, all of my dear widow friends, and even all the folks who used to just voyeuristically observe my meltdowns in the old days will never ever fade. But it?s better to leave the party before everyone gets sick of you; short of death, nothing?s worse than watching yourself become useless. It?s time to fuck off. HAVING SAID ALL THAT ? there is still one piece of unfinished business left to address, sort of an attempt to go out with a bang instead of a whimper. It requires fulfilling a promise to one of our Despondents (namely, lcoxwell) by resurrecting the last project from the old thread: David Bowie?s ?Heroes.? Ironically, the chorus seems timelier than ever; it truly would be nice to think that, for one tiny moment, each of us WAS a hero, if just for one day. Below is all the stuff for the project. It?s pretty clear that M and I need to take our show on some other road. But at least maybe we can go out in something resembling style. All done now - unless you?d like to hear some music. Then by all means, keep reading.

Just throwing this out there - do we have a headcount on who's meeting at Secaucus Junction for the train? If it's only four of us, maybe we should just pile in my car and drive directly to the pizza joint. You'll get to experience the tunnel first hand, and the only thing you'll have to worry about is parking at the train station (which is NOT a worry - they've done an amazing job with weekend parking). I'd still want to meet up at the station around 1 pm, though; getting into the city earlier is better than being late. Any consensus here?

What in hell.... a BROADWAY thread?!? You've got to be kidding me.... Ok, peeps - plug this one into your browser. http://www.bluegobo.com/ May it ease your burdens as you see fit. Please enjoy.

For your consideration, an old previously unreleased post from last October. There are several of these floating around the hard drive - this one certainly seemed like it stood the test of time. What do you think? Ten Immutable Truths about Widowhood: 1. If a friend tells you they?re getting a divorce, there?s a 36% chance of your spontaneously throwing up on them. 2. You?ll frequently forget which room you?re standing in or how you got there. Space and time are no longer yours to control. 3. The further out you go, the less people will tolerate your being widowed. 4. There are only two ways to stop being widowed: bring them back or join them. 5. Being widowed will bring out the worst in you. 6. Your being widowed will bring out the worst in 93% of everyone you know as well. 7. You?ll find out who your real friends are because you suddenly won?t have any. 8. 62% of what used to make you laugh will now make you cry. 9. You?ll be living two lives instead of one. Not only will you have all your previous responsibilities, but you?ll also have the ones you had always hoped to delegate to someone else. 10. If your departed could speak to you, they?d say only one thing: ?I forgive you. Now please forgive yourself.? Auf wiedersehen from your friends at Radio Hell. If we repulse you, that's a good sign.

How sweet of you to stop by from the old thread, Linda. A wid can always use a smiling face. Going through the archives, most of the old stuff was from right around Christmas of last year, so re-posting will have to wait about... oh, nine months. I'll probably use this thread as Radio Hell's alter-ego and post new stuff here as well. Funny how even though I "graduated" to the next forum, lots of times it feels like I should give back the degree. As always, here's hoping you'll never need this thread again.

Here's some info to ponder. The train ride is about 12 minutes and the trains on Saturday pretty much run every 10-15 minutes; we still have to get from Penn Station down to the pizza joint. Penn Station is at 34th, but the pizza place is just below 1st; that's a lotta blocks to walk. Earliest reservation we could get is 2:30, so there's that. I'd prefer to give us at least an hour from the train station to the pizza place; more is not a bad idea. For those of you driving to Secaucus, the exit is 15X. I think all day parking is still $15 for the day. I know this routine very well. So why not just meet at Secaucus Junction and drive into the city? The major variable is the tunnel; that sucker can get packed on Saturday afternoon. If everyone agrees, I'll drive it - but all bets are off with arrival time. Ponder that stuff while you start getting your appetites ready. We still have time to finalize.

Answers to frequently asked questions: 1. Where can I find Radio Hell on my dial? We're at 666 & 7/8. Kinda thought that was obvious. Then again, everything you're listening to these days probably sounds like Hell already. 2. What's this Despondents thing? What started as a bitter, cynical, and pathetic post on the old Transmissions thread sort of unexpectedly developed a life of its own. Originally intended as the worst country song ever written, it wasn't taken that way (it figures); before long, people were actually requesting to hear the song, so "My Baby's In Heaven" was released and The Despondents were born. The Despondents are an ongoing project that suggests maybe we don't have to go gentle into that good night; their contributions to "My Baby's In Heaven" elevated the song to a status that, imho, at least comes close to anything KISS ever released. 3. Can I become a Despondent? If you're here, you already are. Over the next few days, we'll re-release our last project from the old board, complete with directions and stuff. Please consider contributing your pipes to our cause. 4. Can I request a project? Absolutely. Be prepared to contribute to it. Post your suggestions here and we'll get a consensus. You can even be anonymous if you wish. We don't care. We just don't think you should be alone anymore. Thank you for your support. Honestly. (Apologies to Dylan Thomas and Rodney Dangerfield)

A clarification about driving: I've heard from so many wids who had become used to being chauffeured and feel somewhat paralyzed now that they have to drive by themselves in scary places. This is understood - in fact, it's SO understood that, for the purpose of this bago, Jen and I are prepared to act as a sort of shuttle. If you're willing to work with us, we're willing to come get you; we'll get you to Secaucus Junction, park my humble little vehicle, and take the train into the city. The train is 8 bucks for round trip and takes about 12 minutes. From Penn Station in NYC, we cab it to the bago. After the bago, we reverse the process and get you back in one piece. Babysitting is still your problem; I'm not a bloody day care. The bottom line is "no wid left behind" - if you can get within, say, 20 miles of Secaucus, we'll get you to the bago and back. You may want to let us know as soon as you can so we know if we'll have to get a van or something. Please come join us; bagos change everything.

Major props to AC and Sally for recognizing Flogging Molly as the source! Both of you are entitled to a t-shirt; as soon as I get laundry done, I'll send one to you. If hygiene is an issue, you have the right to refuse your prize.

I'll check with Jenni, as we're traveling together. First we'll need to know where the hell Union County is.

Lest we forget, our playlist couldn't possibly be complete without the song that started it all. Ladies and gentlemen, once again we're honored to offer The Despondents performing "My Baby's In Heaven, But I Went To Hell." https://www.dropbox.com/s/vco29c6usg8bymx/The%20Despondents-%20My%20Baby%27s%20In%20Heaven%20%28But%20I%20Went%20To%20Hell%29.mp3?dl=0 This particular incarnation of The Despondents consisted of: Kamcho - first verse & second chorus injo - first chorus Lcoxwell - first & second chorus Momtokam - second verse Just_Jen - third verse Michael797 - all the other stuff Btw, all of Radio Hell's downloads are certified VIRUS-FREE. We're not so sure about the station manager, though.

When I dragged my sorry carcass onto the YWBB last year for the first time, you were one of the very first people to smile and welcome me with a warmth I'll never forget. Tweety, you changed my life back then. I'd give anything to be able to change yours in return. All I can say is that I'll see you in Amsterdam; then I can finally thank you in person. Sending you every healing thought a human can generate.

Radio Hell is back on the air. And in honor of today?s holiday, the first item on our playlist could best be described as a ?bootleg? recording, done in one take rather than stretch it out and blow our deadline of St. Patty?s Day. This song goes out for Marianne, who was so Irish she could make a potato spit Lucky Charms ? and to all of our Euro-Wids, who we?ll be seeing soon enough. Radio Hell loves you madly! Without apology, Radio Hell presents ?If I Ever Leave This World Alive.? In the spirit of the day, we say "Enjoy it or fuck off." https://www.dropbox.com/s/4mk39eays4ikt1j/If%20I%20Ever%20Leave%20This%20World%20Alive.mp3?dl=0

Funny you should mention that. Have any of you gone to urbandictionary.com and typed "widda" in the search box? It's fairly amusing. Then again, I'd put the wids around here up against anyone else who thinks they have cred.