Beyondlife

I've done a lot of checking and I could collect his after 60. I've also read that I can collect his as long as I want, until I am eligible or want to collect my own. I'm almost certain I can't collect both at the same time. I can collect his, until at an age of my choosing I switch to mine and I am not locked into his payment If his payment would be higher I could collect his forever instead of mine. Couldn't get appointment with SS until July 23, even by phone, so I am starting a list of questions.

I know most on here are way way younger than me but I know there are a few of us older young wids out there. Grant died right after his 49th birthday. I am 8 years older. I am trying to take early retirement next year at age 62. I would like to collect his SS until I am at full retirement age and then collect mine (older, worked more years, made more $) I am setting up an appt with the SS office to see what my payment would be. Does anybody have any suggestions about questions I need to ask? Thanks for any help

Sometimes the simplest of statements make the most impact. One of the things I love about you is that you LISTEN. You feel the emotion behind the words people are saying and you give them substance. That is a very rare and beautiful quality for a person to have. Bless this man for his words of wisdom and helping you be less burdened.

4 1/2 yrs later and when something goes wrong it's still Grant's fault for not being here to fix it. I finally gave up on my house and moved to a condo. Everything that could, did go wrong that first year. Maybe it would have all happened if Grant had been alive, but he could fix anything. So so sorry. One of those things would put me on the edge, all of those things would make me bat shit crazy! Hang in there.

That.Just.Sucks. So freak'n frustrating

If it's not alright then you've got almost everybody on this board on the crazy train with you!

Would that be me???? LOL

what a wonderful gift

You just post where you are most comfortable on any given day. I don't think these are labels, just suggestions to help us avoid areas we do not want to venture to. If I were newly widowed I wouldn't want to hear about how it gets better, yet as a BAG, I can't go the Newly Widowed, it brings back a pain I don't want to remember or ever feel again. If today you feel BAG and tomorrow you don't - then post where your feelings direct you. There is no time line to this grieving thing. Your grief, your journey, your choice. We, alone, get to decide when it's time to "move forward" I no longer use "move forward", I use rebuild" With rebuild the foundation remains - that is my marriage. Some of the old structure remains. Some parts are weaker and some are stronger. Sometimes I go on strike and don't even try to rebuild. Some parts I built too soon or incorrectly and it falls down or has to be torn down and started over. Sorry for the ramble.

night's are hard. Everything we suppress and handle during the day comes out. Our defenses are down from using them all day long and all the sadness and loss just sneaks right back in. I find the anticipation is worse than the day. I've used up so much energy wondering and planning how to handle certain trigger days by the time the day arrives I'm exhausted and spent. Hugs to you

I love that you still crush on my husband! By the way, ShineOn, I miss you so much!

and of course, the wedding picture

thanks everyone. I just needed someone to understand. I knew if I came here I would get the support I needed. Biggest of hugs and thanks

I feel like such a coward. Strong, stoic, do the right thing - that's me. Yeah right. Not today. The brother of a woman I work with died and the funeral is tomorrow. I normally would not go, as I have to take the night off work and I don't know her well so nobody would think anything about it. But she just got a promotion 2 months ago and has the same position as me on the opposite shift. We will be working together frequently in the future. Her brother is laid out at the same funeral home as Grant was. There is only 2 rooms and I'm sure it will be the same one as it is bigger. I had decided I would go, took the evening off work in case it impacts me. I had a plan. But as tomorrow gets closer I am freaking out inside. I don't know that I can walk into that room, the room where I saw my husband for the last time. I don't want to make it about me and my loss. Even the thought of going there makes me panic inside. It has been 4 1/2 yrs. I've been to funerals, spoke at funerals, took care of my best friends funeral, I feel like I SHOULD be able to do this. I can't. I already texted my boss and told her I'm not going and will go to work instead. I felt like a coward but now that I've typed this and got it out, I think I don't care if I'm a coward or not. I'm not going. I'm not going. (I sound like a kid stomping feet saying you can't make me)

Hi, I rarely come on anymore but felt a need to post today and then came across your post. You do have a way of making me take a hard look at who I am. I think I love you for that, maybe. So I am just the opposite. I don't trust anybody but myself now. I had no control over what happened to Grant and now I control myself and my life with an iron fist. Even the people I love and who love me - I trust them with my heart but not to have input in my life or my decisions. It's a lonely place to be. I hate to say this, because it's probably not true, but I feel everybody has a motive when they push their opinion, They may not even be aware of it, but I feel it's true. Even if the motive is they think or they hope that something will be right for me or make me happy. The problem with this, nobody really know me anymore. Not even the best sister in the universe knows what really is in my head or heart. I fake being myself very well. So which way is better? I think they both suck. I miss you my friend and I'm sorry you're feeling so confused with life lately. It is so difficult to figure out who and what we are now.

I finally watched the 2 hr. When she was laying in the bed without him, that got me. I've watched it since the beginning but I may stop. I still have my own grief issues, really don't want to watch somebody pretend to have them I wish we all had the opportunity to just leave our jobs, our homes, our life and run away to grieve. That part was so unrealistic. And her not letting anybody know she was ok? That was mean, cruel and selfish. A text to the people who loved her would have been nice. I don't know, I just don't know.

Hi You. I am so happy you are finding your place in the world. I kinda did the opposite. I was organized, logical and took care of business. I thought if I "did everything right and was the best widow" that he would come back - my reward for being good. Well, that sure didn't happen. I needed to be in control over everything in my life that I possibly could. I was so angry that I didn't have any control over him dying. Had the same thoughts as you about moving. Selling his Harley? Wow. I thought maybe that would make him pissed enough to come back but he could have a new one. And cremation? When I gave some of his ashes, I worried what parts I was giving and when he came back would he be missing those parts. Completely bonkers crazy. I decided if he could come back from being dead, he would be able to put himself back together. I'm still trying to find myself, whoever I am now, and my place in this world. I don't want to be a cranky, old widow bitch. I need to work harder on that. You've done good my friend. Love you

My husband fell out of a tree. Had the worry of him not coming home, no police or decision making either, family showed up to tell me. This just took me back though. Shit.

OVer 4 years out and it took me to my knees for the first time in years. Flashbacks. Please, please don't watch it.

As Shine On said "Know that I love you" I wish I had inspiring words, but nope, got nothing. We just keep plodding on. Hugs my friend.