rememberingjason

From all of my years reading on the boards and your advice and thoughts you are a very inspiring and uplifting but realistic person and people need that. If you aren't ready or don't want to do it then don't. However, if you are just hesitant but really know that you reaching out will help someone else and it will just be uncomfortable for a little while then by all means do it. You have to do what is best for you and your children overall! I hope it comes to you, Amanda

So, over the years I have just ignored or hidden post on FB that make me mad or upset as far as suicide and guns. I have only deleted a few people for things they have said because it was a repeated offense. Sign pops up the evening (granted I am having an anxious evening as school starts back tomorrow) and it says DO NOT SCROLL DOWN WITHOUT REPOSTING: LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU WOULD STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH SOMEONE TO PREVENT SUICIDE. It just made me so angry because I did, I have, and I will again if I need to but that didn't prevent it from happening. I didn't respond because I am not sure how it would come out and I am sure she brought it from a good place but really.....just staying up with someone won't keep them from it. How do you respond or keep yourself from responding?

DansSoulmate- I love, love, love North Carolina. I have loved it since I was a young child. The mountains are my favorite. The education system there is what has kept me from pursuing it. I have taught for 15 years in TN and I am well establish in my school and community and that is a scary move in and of itself. Thanks for the encouragement to go for it...I am definitely researching my options.

I have this crazy desire to move to Colorado. I have no idea why. No family there, no friends, no anything other than how beautiful it is and how many outdoors things there are to do. My late husband and I met doing outdoor activities and I miss them so much. I am terrified to move away from everything I have known for 30 years just to go somewhere that sounds exciting, yet at the same time it is almost just on my heart. I am not going to stop trying to figure it all out. Thanks for words of advice.

" I just need to make sure I stay as angry as I am now so that I won't even consider having a conversation with him, let alone see him!! " ^^^^THIS^^^^ I have to do the same thing for a lot of the same reasons!!! Hang in there you are worth it!

Thanks sunshined- I knew where you were coming from and I was just in a bad place. I took it with the intention you mean. Sugarbell - That is great advice...and hard to do. I am trying. I really am so happy to have people to talk to about this. It has been so hard to let him go and be alone. School starts Thursday so I will have much less time to think about it all.

Thanks love hearing everyone's input. I have been looking into Colorado...it feels like a huge change but I know it is a beautiful place to live. Yes, North Carolina is worst pay and a hard school system politically to deal with. West Virginia - I have some friends in that area...I will message them and get some ideas. They are close to Bluefield. I really want to experience some new things and get unstuck.... A.

So, I have lived in the same house for 30 years and I have been very blessed to have this home as a child, teen, young adult, married, and now widowed. This house holds many memories needless to say.... I, however, am ready for a change and some adventure in life. I have a very solid teaching career here in TN, but, I think I could find a teaching position in another place as well. I am considering Colorado, North Carolina, South Carolina....I haven't been out west as much as I would like... So...I guess I am scared to take this step out of the unfamiliar. I want to know more about the life style in these states. I have visited them all and loved them as a visitor. Any Advice: 1. About the different states? 2. How did you decided to make the big step if you have done so? Thanks!

Walk Away thanks for sharing, I asked this of my friends as well. It has been interesting to see what others say. Anyway, it really made me think. A.

If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only 2 words?

Thanks, self preservation is a good term. I have backed very far away from first guy ...after rereading my journal from the past year I saw just how messed up the whole situation has been. I also decided to be honest with myself and tell sweet guy that I was never going to want to date him but that I could be his friend. He isn't right for me either but he was the next "comfortable" one in my life. I am going to try to find what makes me happy in life these next few months and not worry so much about the dating aspect. Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice.

Hugs DebW- It is hard and dates were the hardest for me in the first few years. Crying in public and moving on just shows you are a brave, strong soul...because you have every right to cry over your loss and memories. (((DebW)))

I am so thankful for everyone's responses. I have really been trying to figure this all out. You all have helped me really think about this.

I am not that bad of a person as to do the same thing to them. I told them from the beginning that I was with the other guy and that I could be their friend only. They both chose to remain my friend only and stay in my life. One I will never date...he is like family. The other could be a possibility now that I have gotten out of the situation from the asshole. But I never lied or pretended like I was available. I really don't need advice as far as dump asshole and find something good...I guess I was more asking could I be looking for the wrong person so I don't fall in love and have to lose that again. I lost the love of my life and best friend once....maybe I am just looking for the here and now that won't hurt so bad when I have to say goodbye instead of pursing the right one. Thanks for everyone's input I appreciate all ways to look at the situation.

Thanks!

So it has been a while since I have posted anything in this area because I have been in a very confusing "relationship" with a man who wanted me when it was convenient and wanted to date others when they were interested in him. I knew from early on that he wasn't really someone I could see the rest of my life with, yet I still kept hanging around begging for his attention...we became really close friends. So for the past few months it has just been the two of us (We have known each other almost 2 years) and then all of a sudden there is this chic from about 5 hours away that he just has to meet to make sure it isn't her and then we should really give it a try. What the FUCK!!! Who does that to someone they supposedly love and are best friends with. This is something I have allowed to happen in my life and it makes me so mad at myself...like I don't deserve better. I really let him have my heart and I am struggling to let this relationship and him go for good. Meanwhile, I have 2 really sweet, kind, but kind of not sure about men who always talk to me and tell me how wonderful I am and both want to seriously pursue relationships and I have put them on the back burner because the asshole mentioned above. I have been thinking about why I did this and I think some of it is because I knew the one would never lead to marriage because he wasn't really what I want in life. Self sabotage....relationship style..?? Anyway, I am struggling tonight with all of this thanks for letting me open up here, A.

Don't feel bad about calling in sick to go interview for your dream job!!! Good Luck on the interview :-)

About 3 months after Jason passed, my mom, aunt, and I traveled to Niagara Falls for my birthday. I have since been to New York City and Chicago on school trip. I have been to Rhode Island, Maine, Arizona and all of the states around including a short stint in Las Vegas NV. I love to travel. I also went on my first cruise to the Bahamas! I wish I had done it sooner and will be cruising again! So relaxing.... I want to go back to Costa Rica but I don't think I will ever be able to do it alone. My mom and I are headed to Florida in about 24hours....on the sadiversary of Jason's passing to visit his parents.

I lost my husband of 7 years and best friend of 11 years at the end of March 2011 to suicide. I found the YWBB shortly thereafter in dire need of someone who understood and that I didn't have to pretend it was all okay. I am facing the 4 year anniversary this month and cannot believe it has been that many years. I am so glad that this place will be here for not only those of us who came before but all that will need it and come after.

I lost my husband to suicide right at 4 years this month. Thanks to those who thought quickly to find a safe place for us to share.