DavidsKtBeth

Dave's ashes were divided up between me and his family and I had a number of people ask me which half of his body I recieved. This mostly came from guys in their 20s. They all made it clear they hope I got his dick.. fucking ass hats.

I have a friend from high school who recently lost the father of her two children. I don't believe they were a couple right now but they have been on and off for about 10 years I believe so either way it is a devastating loss. I would like to put together a kind of care package for her and her kids but since I don't have children I'm not sure what to send, the kids are about 7 & 8. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!

One of my best friends is from Allentown! I was supposed to be in her wedding this summer but then DH passed away and I couldn't travel that far knowing only the bride and groom

I think it's great that you want to take this issue head-on like that. I have to ask, though: How will you feel when people start asking you insensitive questions? Do you really want other people treating your husband's death like it's some kind of joke? I'd be furious for your sake if they did. The people at the party are all people who I feel safe around. I use humor as a defense mechanism. I just would rather lighten the mood so people don't have to feel uptight around me during an event that is supposed to be fun!

Shut up! Allentown, PA?

Just wanted to send you hugs

There is the app called Headspace that kind of walks you through meditation. I found out about it at a Weight Watchers meeting actually. The day after Dave died I used it and it helped a lot! It's a free app!

I kind of know the feeling. DH and I decided we wanted to start to try to have kids on Sunday and he passed away on Wednesday. Now, 2 months later, his cousin who is our age just announced she is pregnant. She got engaged about a month ago, is getting married at the beginning of October, and now is having a baby. She is living my life, or what was supposed to be my life. *btw, I don't think that her being pregnant is why she got engaged and is getting married so soon, she already has another kid out of wedlock so I don't think they really care. I truly think they are in love it just sucks. Hugs!!

I may be a little early on this one but my friend throws a really good Halloween Party every year which I have never been able to make because I have lived 4 hours away and I want to go this year with a bomb ass costume. Last year DH and I went as TJ & Spinelli from Recess which, if you knew my husband, was PERFECT for him. Unfortunately, we forgot to take pictures which is so sad to me.. but that's not the point. I kind of want to do something to poke fun at the fact I'm a widow? because I use humor to get through things. For example, since DH & I were only married for 26 days after being together for 6.5 years I tell people that if I would have known getting married would actually kill him I would have been okay not getting married. That being said, I can't go as the Black Widow because no one wants to see him in tight leather/clothing. But I'm really up for anything funny.. Any ideas?

I'm seriously going crazy. I went to Target today and they didn't have my vitamins I always took and I started crying. Then I went to look for a bow tie for my dog because his birthday is Friday and I wanted him to have a bow tie and they didn't even have a section for dog bow ties! WTF TARGET! I also cried at Target because there was a cute old man waiting for his wife at the exit (I'm assuming she was in the bathroom) and I was waiting for my sister and I just thought of all the times Dave had to sit and wait for me at Target and then that song waiting on a woman popped into my head.. :'( THEN I had to pay for car insurance and I cried again because that shit is expensive lol

<3

Seriously though. No one warned me how fucking boring life would be without him. I am going crazy!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I don't have a home without him. I just exist. For no fucking reason. I'm just here and I don't want to be. I just want to die. I have no reason to exist.. I'm an appendix.

I'm trying to fall asleep and I can't stop replaying the night before Dave passed and the morning he passed over and over and over and over in my head. Hindsight is the worst possible thing. It's not fair. I had been doing so well handling things (or so I thought) until recently. I immediately moved back in with my parents after being away for 8 years. The past 6 months is the closest I had lived to them and I was still 2 hours away. When I moved in 2 months ago my little sister lived here. Well on Friday I went with my friend to the local University bookstore and I about lost it and came close to just sobbing in the middle of the bookstore. Dave and I met in college and were pretty active on campus but I never thought that going to another school and walking around campus would suck so freaking bad. Like THE WORST. I had been downtown (off campus) at the school we went to twice already since Dave passed and was fine. I guess because with all the hustle and bustle of classes just starting it was extremely overwhelming. On Saturday (our 3 month wedding anniversary) everyone was working on moving my sister out into her new house with her fiance. My mom comes in and wakes me up and tells me they need to move the bed and box spring I'm sleeping on to my sister's house and that the neighbor has my bed and they'll bring it in so I should just go sleep in her room. THEN they change what room I have been sleeping in the past 2 months to where my sister had been sleeping. It's about 10 degrees hotter in this room. On top of all these changes (which normally would be small nbd changes) I have to go turn in keys/garage door opener to the home Dave and I shared tomorrow -- 2 hours away.. along with turn in all of his work supplies (computer, cell phone, random products he used to sell). I guess these are all triggers that are making this week horrendous. I don't want to live at home. I don't feel safe here. Not safe as in I'm in danger, but not safe like Dave made me feel. He made me feel so safe all the time. I'm so heart broken and confused. Can he come back now, please. Pretty please? I don't really have a life without him.

This. Is. Everything.

Can someone who has been to Camp Widow tell me a little about it & about their experiences. I came across it on instagram right after Dave passed but I was 1. hesitant to whether it was a trick 2. The camp was waaaay too soon for me. I just want to know if I would be interested in going next year and would have to plan for a trip cross country. Thanks in advance!

Oh my gosh! How cute! Dave and I used to watch the Little League World Series.. just because it was fun.. I don't even like baseball but I loved watching the LLWS

Sending good vibes your way!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH CHRISPY!!!N That is exactly what I needed to hear about the wedding!! Maybe I'll ask my sister about the picture!!

I'm hanging out at my cousin 's with her new boyfriend.. who is my DH's fraternity brother.. who she met at my DH's funeral..

I LOVE the cape analogy too!! And luckily with the wedding, I have already been to one (two weeks after Dave passed) and I was fine for the most part. The vows were tough but the reception was fun! Lots of toasts to Dave & I only have 3 more weddings to get through this summer! Dave's brother is actually flying in to be my date at my cousin's wedding and his family is invited to my sister's wedding. I know for sure that at least his best friend is coming down to support me, and I also have a big family! Luckily, I have seen them since the wedding so they have an idea of the state of mind I am in. For the most part I'm excited because we get to celebrate a love like Dave and I had. I hope this thread helps other people scared too! I figured other people are scared shitless so I could just start it off. I even see it as I am lucky because we didn't really have any assets, I don't have to worry about a mortgage - I'm moving in with my parents rent free, I'm not a single parent, even his student loans were all forgiven and the credit card companies can't come after me I guess because I wasn't on the cards in any way shape or form. I would highly suggest anyone out there reading this thread who isn't signed up to just sign up and vent! I was literally sobbing typing the thread last night and just writing it out made me feel better!!! It's seriously amazing.. Thank you everyone! Sorry for the babble!

Thank you guys! Everything you said was perfect! I clearly was having a melt down haha.. I obviously am feeling those things all the time. It's funny how a melt down like that is so similar to feeling drunk (which I was not).. Luckily I had a friend come and pick me up and take care of me As for my sister's wedding it's great advice! I'll probably be paired with my older cousin to walk down the isle so I will be safe.. and there are 10 bridesmaids so hopefully people won't even notice me.. but let's face it.. 99% of the people there will know I'm the widow.. which is fine.. I just hate when people focus on me (hence our courthouse wedding lol) Thanks again! I've only been a part of this group for 3 days and it has already saved me!!!!!

I am so fucking scared. I have never been more scared in my entire life. I am 26 years old and I have lost my absolute best friend. We were soulmates. We were perfect together. People literally wanted to be us (as in have what we had). He was perfect. I look at posts on here from people almost a year in and they are sad. I don't want to be sad anymore. I'm just going to list out the scariest things because to me it's easier that way. 1. Everyone has said you become a different person. A new person. I don't want to be a new person. What if that new person isn't his soulmate. It probably doesn't sound rational. But I'm scared. 2. I'm very young. I know I shouldn't think about being in another relationship so soon but I can't help but think that there is no way that anyone will be as perfect as we were together. No one will ever get me and love me the way he loved me. It's just not possible. I will never have that love again. 3. I don't want to live another 50-60 years without him. I can't. But.. since we are weird we had talked about if something were to happen to one of us and I told him that if he died I would have to be put in a psych ward because I would try to kill myself right away and of course he told me not to do that so now I can't because I don't need him mad at me for the rest of eternity.. fucking asshole has to be looking out for me even after death 4. I had to move home after being gone the past 8 years. I didn't keep in contact with a lot of friends from high school because I lived 4 hours away and now I feel like I'm crawling back years later wanting to reconnect and people are just going to be annoyed because I couldn't be bothered before Dave passed away. 5. I'm scared shitless that I'm going to scare all my current friends away because of my grieving which I hear can be normal and the good ones stay, but I also don't want to completely ignore their feelings.. 6. One of my good friends who I actually stayed in contact with had her baby about a week before Dave died and now every time I see the little girl I align Dave's death with how much she has grown. It kills me. Every time I see the baby I want to cry and she keeps trying to send me pictures of her with the baby shower gift I got her and it absolutely kills me. 7. We had a little zoo.. 3 cats and a dog (Cooper). Dave adored Cooper and when it's finally his time to go I am going to lose it. I don't want that day to come. Can my dog live forever since Dave was taken to soon? Please? 8. I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding in October. I'm scared I'm going to get too much anxiety and ruin everything.. No one wants pictures of a bridesmaid with blood shot eyes. 9. I have to be out of our apartment at the end of the month and I'm going to absolutely lose it. It's where he proposed after 6.5 years. It's where we had our reception after our courthouse wedding <3 It's where we moved after his big promotion so we could start our lives. We had finally made it. Then it was taken away so quickly. I don't want to be sad forever. I fucking scared. So fucking scared. I just wish Dave was here to hold me and make everything better. In case you want to see how perfect he was here is a memorial video that I already posted on another thread but I'll post it here too because I love it.

I had a dream Dave was in Hawaii and I just couldn't afford to go visit him lol

First off, thank you Second, are you glad you wrote down all your memories of him in your journal? I'm so scared I'm going to forgot the little things that I love the most. Really.. I'm just scared shitless..