Elbel66

I am so sorry you are a part of this club. I lost my husband almost 5 months ago, suddenly. I had the exact same experience at the grocery store and still get sad when I am shopping. I often get hit with this overwhelming sadness (usually in the freezer section) and look around expecting to see what, I don't know...my husband, someone who sees my sadness?! Early on, I would wake up and just call my friend and say I'm coming over, just because I couldn't stand to be in the house without him. Friends want to help, let them! Read the "Letter to a Friend" on here and share it with family and friends, it helps them to understand how you are feeling and what they can do to help. As I left the funeral home the day of my husbands service, the pastor that did his service told me to be careful with myself, be careful driving, doing seemingly easy and mundane tasks can be difficult, even dangerous when your mind and heart and constantly distracted. Please be kind to yourself, be careful with yourself, accept help when offered and ask for it when it's not. Our hearts are broken and we may not want to be strong but it's our only option.

This describes so many of my feelings perfectly. At this point (almost 4 months out), I don't want to be a part of anything where people don't know me as part of the couple I was with my husband....even if they didn't know him, they knew I was a wife and half of a couple. At my jobs, few have met my husband, yet they heard me talk about him. I am not ready to move onto a job where people will meet me as a widow, as single, not as half of a couple. I am still married in my mind and heart and feel I will remain so for the foreseeable future.

Today I started to have flashbacks. I did before, shortly after my husbands death (I am now 3 1/2 months out) but today was different. Vivid flashbacks of sitting in the private waiting room in the hospital with my son and sisters when they came in and told us of my husbands injury and prognosis, and of waiting for my other son to get here from out of state while we were on the palliative care floor, hoping he would make it before his father passed, the feeling of my son's hug when he finally did arrive, remembering my younger son (19) asking to talk to his dad alone for a minute, both my sons telling me and my husband that we will be okay. It feels like yesterday, the unbearable pain is back, it's like it happened yesterday, not more than three months ago. I am waiting for this to be more bearable, I'm waiting for a break in the pain. My heart and soul continue to ache each and every day.....

Over 3 months and I keep thinking it'll get easier, but it's not. Our anniversary was this past week and it was such a hard day. I just don't feel like doing anything. I just want him back, plain and simple, in all his imperfectness, in all our imperfectness. My friends and family are an enormous support, but no matter what, he's still gone. My husband loved Christmas and loved making it special, what will I do without him this year, how do I do this? I want my imperfect life with my imperfect husband back.....

Grief is exhausting.....just sayin......

Hi Phil, tomorrow will be 12 weeks since I lost my husband. I have been back at work but being alone so much at home is what gets to me lately. The grief absolutely hits me in waves, one moment I'm fine, the next I am a total wreck! I am lucky that I have been seeing a counselor that my husband and I actually saw more than 15 years ago. He came to the funeral and said if I needed to talk, to call. I did and it helps immensely. He knew my husband and knew the two of us as a couple so I find it comforting to go and talk to him. I am constantly saying to myself, "how can this be?" At times I don't know how I can go on but I do, somehow I do. A friend of mine whose husband died told me about this group and I am so glad she did. Good luck with the counselor, take care of yourself, know you're not alone.

Yes, hugs......the safety and security of his arms, just falling into them, what I miss the most right now!

Thank you for asking! We were married for 25 years, would've been 26 in a couple weeks. We didn't have an easy life, but it was ours nonetheless. I was lucky to be loved completely by Bob, I was safe with him, in all ways. I miss that feeling. He could do everything, and did do everything. His health had been deteriorating but not the reason for his death. He fell and hit his head and had a fatal brain bleed. I miss his presence, I miss his laugh, his yell, I miss saying goodbye to him in the morning, I miss hearing his voice. I also lost my Dad this year, in April, so saying this has been a crappy year is an understatement. I have an incredible family and support system, I am grateful for that. Two unexpected and sudden deaths take a toll. I get on here every so often and am happy to know that I am not alone in my feelings. As a friend of mine, whose husband died years ago told me....it's not as much the actual holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversary, birthday) as it is the days leading up and immediately following.... And yes, when I am in a routine, days that I work, I am better,it'the days off that I have more problems with. I want days off and yet all I want to do on those days is.....nothing......

Deb, I feel exactly the same way. Monday will be three months for me. When I am out working at one of my jobs, I am usually ok, when I am home, or even on my way home, I become paralyzed. I aimlessly walk the aisles of the grocery store in a fog, At home, I just sit. I think of all that I could be doing or should be doing but don't do it. I listen to songs that make me think of him and make me cry, over and over. I am having a harder time now than I thought I would. Thanksgiving, then our anniversary in a couple weeks, Christmas and then his birthday....it's all too much. I just want to stay in bed and hide. I go to work tho, I talk to friends, I go on, but I feel like a shell of myself. I am a pretty good actress sometimes. I am constantly saying, how can this be my life now?

Thank you all for your kind words. I know it's all normal but it's just nice to say it and know people understand! Thank you!

Tomorrow will be two months since I said goodbye to my husband. I am not really young, 49, my husband was 54. Although he was not in the best health, his death was from a fall which caused a brain bleed. It was unexpected and unwanted! I have read many posts on this site which say all that I feel. I sleep but am exhausted, it is never enough. I go to work and pretend I am fine, I usually am while I am there but can dissolve into tears without warning. I am constantly overwhelmed by so many things...bills, work, housework, grocery shopping, cooking (of which i have done almost none since that day), the list goes on. So many friends want to help, want to get together but I can't keep track of it all. I'm alone more than I like but want to be alone sometimes, and never. Sometimes I feel like I want to wallow in my own grief, I don't want to be happy because then I will be letting go of him. We were married for 25 years, 26 in December. We didn't have an easy life but we chose eachother over and over again and I miss that, we were in a good place. I just want him back, I know I can't have him back but that doesn't matter, I want his arms around me again and I cry just wishing it.

haha, thank you, that sounds simple enough!

So, for the life of me , I cannot figure out how to post something on my own but am able to reply. I am so sorry for your loss kevsdragonfly, Tomorrow will be 2 months since I lost my husband. It does indeed seem unreal at times. This weekend in particular has been hard for me, for no particular reason. I just miss his presence, his voice, his hand on my back, and on and on. I would love if someone would tell me how I can post my own story, sorry if I am technically challenged.