Jen

I think the worst thing anyone has said to me came from one of my coworkers. I was talking about how I was not only grieving my sweet Jim, but the loss of my relationship, and the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. (Mind you, not one person has given me the "oh, you'll find someone else" line. It's like everybody I know thinks I should hie me to the nunnery.) My friend-- and I really do think of her as one, even after this particularly poorly chosen line-- told me, "You need a rich old gay guy. Then you can spend his money and do what you want." I don't know, maybe that doesn't strike anyone else as particularly insensitive, but it just about shattered me. In those words I heard, "You will never have love again, you will never have sex again, no man will ever look at you, ever, so forget it! LOSER!!" Probably that's far from what she meant, but jeez... :-/

I expect you're one of my tribe. Somewhere I still have the first story I ever wrote-- in pencil, in wide-ruled paper-- in second grade. It was about pirates. I've been writing ever since, and I don't know where I'd be without my words. It's been a wrench to find them... less than obliging of late, but I keep telling myself I'll find them again. Post and post and post some more! It's what's gotten me through. That, and lots of virtual (((hugs)))

It hit me hard at 9-10 months, but yes, I was SO FREAKING ANGRY!!! I wanted to go all Incredible Hulk on everyone and everything for weeks. It's finally receded, but for awhile there, I thought I'd never get all the mad out. Probably I still haven't, but at least I'm not in a blind rage 90% of the time. It kind of scared me. Then again, it was a break from depression, so it had that going for it. But I hated everything-- me, my life, my family and friends who just don't get it, Jim for leaving... on and on. Not a good way to try to live. I'm glad it's drained away; I hope it stays gone.

Big ol' DITTO here, Mangomom. My littlest guy was upset and crying a few nights ago-- he sobbed, "I wish I'd never been born! Then I wouldn't have stressed out Jim, and Jim wouldn't be dead!" :'( :'( :'( Fuck that we can't fix the grief for our babies, or for each other, or for ourselves.

Yes!! And a very, very vital one. I don't know where-- or, let's face it, if-- I'd be without it. hugs, Jen

Sandy, I am so very sorry. This is so raw and new... your poor brain hasn't processed it yet. Be gentle with yourself-- like you were taking care of a fragile premature baby. So many tight hugs... please keep posting, we're here to listen.

I am *so* glad you finally made it here! (((((HUGS)))))) For me, writing was the best therapy for the first nine months... since then, I've found that my words seem to have largely dried up. I'm all right with that for now. I think they'll come back eventually. Be gentle with yourself, and write as much as you like here. We get it. more hugs, Jen

That's wonderful to hear! Congrats!!

And it's official, since I'm looking at a confirmation from Aer Lingus: Michael and I ARE GOING!!!!!!!! We'll get there Friday afternoon. Because of timing issues, we actually don't leave till Mon. Woohoo!!!

Hi Karen! I'm Just Jen now, formerly known as Jim's Jen (I changed my name too). Michael797 and I will be there!

Jim hated having pix taken of him, but I managed to snag a few. I miss you, big guy. I can't believe I'll never see that beautiful crooked smile in this world again.

SUCCESS!!!!! I booked directly from the Wyndham's website. We're committed now--they've already charged me. Definitely going to be there! (I could make a comment about failed dikes and potential disasters, but I shall refrain... )

Nothing you describe is selfish in the least. I'm furious with them for interrupting your time with your sweet Kenneth. They should have been there sooner, absolutely. I'm lighting a candle tonight for you and for him. Never forgotten. I promise. (((((HUGS))))))

Lots of hugs from here...

I've been wondering about this too... I know we have newbies, somewhere between here and the proboards forum. Climb onto the raft, guys-- here's a hand. Promise we won't let you down. ((((HUGS))))

As far as YWBB posts... I've managed to save some. It got very difficult, to be honest-- I copied and pasted and sat and sobbed. I don't want to be in that place anymore-- the deepest, darkest part of hell. It makes me cringe to think of all that history gone, but I'm like Justin-- I find it easier to let go of things now. I think I've saved all I mean to.

The boss didn't get his activation email last night, and today is bad, work-wise. He says he'll try to have the NEW new office open by the end of the week. Meanwhile, if you tune your radio just right, you can hear "Hey Jude" on endless repeat...

Aw, Mark... I'm so sorry. I have similar ongoing issues with my mom and sister-- I'll spare you my rant, but I could let lose a torrent! Hugs to you.

I'll try again. I tried to book yesterday and had a major glitch that resulted in a significant bank error. That's supposed to be resolved today, cross fingers!!

Yes, please do!!

I read this and heard Papa Smurf: "Not much further, my little smurfs!" Lol.

Bwahahahahaha!!!! I needed that desperately.

YAY!!!! 33 days...

When I checked Wyndham, they didn't have any rooms left for our dates. You might have better luck, if someone cancelled or something... I'm still working on it, but I'm determined. We WILL be there!

I just put it where I originally found it. If the general concensus is to move it, I'm fine with that. I admit, I find it convenient...