Jen

I completely agree. I owe the equivalent of a decent-sized starter home for three degrees I don't use-- I was never able to find adequate employment in my field.(Hence the joke: What does a PhD in paleoprimatology say? "Do you want that latte tall, grande, or venti?") I went back and got an associate's degree in nursing-- that's what I've made a living doing for the past 10 years. Now I'm being compelled to go back and complete another !&*$%! bachelor's degree to remain competitive in this field, and I frankly resent it. At least I can't acquire any more student loans-- I'm maxed out, sigh. Sorry to hijack; that struck a nerve. ((((HUGS))))

Too true, every single one. Except I'm not sure about your statistics-- source, please? You know what? I really, really needed to see that today. Thank you.

For your information, I did consider putting it up on Radio Hell, but decided the manager might react... well, like this. Oh, oh, oh!! I forgot Gypsy!!!! Has there ever been a decent film version? There was the TV movie they did with Bette Midler... Meh. :-\ Oh... I love that song. Always wanted someone to play that song for me, and mean it. Still do, pathetic as that is. Damn it. Crying now.

(((((HUGS))))) I am so, so sorry. This journey is by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to do-- I expect most of us would say the same. Please keep talking-- it does help, and you're in the right place. The loss of physical touch is huge, and frankly, I'm still trying to cope with it. I think that's why I'm so free with my (((hugs)))) on the board; I no longer get many in real life. My dh and I were always touching-- just sitting beside each other, holding hands in the car, skin to skin in bed (sorry, TMI). Widowhood results in enormous oxytocin deprivation-- you're right, we're human-- we're primates, and we're hard-wired to need touch. That need for connection, for pair-bonding, is programmed into our DNA. Get past? If I find out, I'll let you know. Meanwhile... hold on. Talk, rant, cry. I'm so very sorry you had to join us.

Broadway 101! Oooh, that's a hard one. I love them all-- some more than others, of course. The older stuff can seem hopelessly out of date, but it's still fun-- and some of those old performances, while very different from what we think of as "musical style" now, are amazing. Here's how I started. As I said, I had a pile of my mom's records, and I devoured them. I watched the movies as often as I could on TCM and AMC, and on a few memorable occasions I actually got to see them in the theater. The best classic musical-to-movie adaptations: My Fair Lady (FABULOUS movie, even if you're not into musicals-- Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison) The Sound of Music (all over the media right now, it's the 50th anniversary) Oklahoma! (must see!) The Music Man (love love love!!!! You'd never expect Robert Preston to be a swoon-worthy leading man, but oh... ) South Pacific (a bit un-PC, and not my fave, but it's sort of a must-view from a history perspective) Kiss Me, Kate (Ann Miller's legs are worth the price of admission. Here: ) Damn Yankees! (Gwen Verdon's almost as good... not quite, but close) Hello, Dolly! (Michael Crawford before he was the Phantom!) Kismet Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (arguably better than the stage version, to be honest) West Side Story (early Sondheim, and undeniably classic, but maybe too sad to watch) Brigadoon Camelot (NB: this is one of my top 5 favorite shows EVER, but the movies doesn't do it justice. Still, worth seeing.) Chicago (much more recent, but EXCELLENT. I've never been a particular fan of Richard Gere, but in this one-- wow. Catherine Zeta-Jones will blow you away, and Queen Latifah--! They did a fab job with casting.) Evita (Madonna and Antonio Banderas are definitely NOT Patti Lupone and Mandy Patinkin, but it's not a terrible adaptation) Sweeney Todd (Go ahead and watch the Tim Burton one-- it's decent, and the cast is good-- but get hold of the Great Performances version with Angela Lansbury, who is the best Mrs Lovett EVER: http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/469605/Sweeney-Todd-Video-Clip-Worst-Pies-In-London.html ) Little of Shop of Horrors (technically an off-Broadway show, and they changed the ending considerably, but it's still awesome-- same writers who saved Disney with The Little Mermaid. Menken and Ashman were brilliant.) The Rocky Horror Picture Show (again, not Broadway, but-- come on, Tim Curry in stockings!) Annie (sorry, the Aileen Quinn version beats the recent remake hands-down-- Carol Burnett, Albert Finney, Ann Reinking, Bernadette Peters, and-- yes, again-- Tim Curry!) There's a movie version of Wicked in the works. The musical bears only a passing resemblance to the book, by the way-- they're both excellent, but they're different animals. So... short answer (too late!!!), start with the movies. Then jump into the soundtracks-- anything by Sondheim, Stephen Schwartz, Andrew Lloyd-Webber (okay, not everyone will agree with me there, lol). I started getting the album for every show that won a Best Musical Tony. Then I started getting the ones that were nominated. It sort of snowballed from there... SO. MUCH. BROADWAY!!! Anyway... it's a start. Hth!

I went out to run some errands this morning-- guess what came on my stereo as soon as I turned the car on? Yep-- "Defying Gravity." Here are the lyrics that really resonate for me: Glinda: You can have all you ever wanted... Elphaba: I know... I don't want it-- no. I can't want it anymore... Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game Too late for second guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts To close my eyes... and leap It's time to try defying gravity... This is the other one I have a hard time listening to... but it's so, so meaningful to me now, especially the first verse. "For Good" : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsuiy824IuM

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))) Being a single parent sucks donkeys. Doing it as a wid SUCKS S-- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We didn't ask for this, and we certainly would not have chosen it. I wish I had the perfect words that would make it all better. More than anything, I wish I had a functional magic wand that I could wave and solve all our problems-- I'd do it in a heartbeat. As it is, all I can do is say I'm here, I'll listen to all the ranting you can throw out, and encourage you to rant some more. IT'S NOT FAIR. There is nothing fair at all about your situation, and no, it should NOT be that way. I am so, so sorry. I've been almost as financially devastated, and the only thing I hung onto was "they can take it all, but they can't kill me." Sometimes that was a disappointment. :-\ Please hold on. Today is one day-- this week is one week-- this month, this year, they're just for now. One breath at a time. You can do it. You're not alone.

Me too, every single day. ((((HUGS))))

This will be my first official bago, and I can hardly stand the wait!! I'm not even kidding about counting down the days. 25 to go!! I've found that it's a little hard for non-wids to get the concept. I try to explain, but people mostly smile nervously and back away slowly while maintaining eye contact. Lol, not really, but they look a little confused. "Oh... so... you're flying across the country to talk to strangers you met online. Okay, then." Whatever. I'm glad they don't get it. I'm glad y'all DO. ((((HUGS))))

Once we get the "WARNING: Driver has wid brain" bumper stickers finalized, we need to mail them out with every registration. I decided this morning that I needed to start making lists in order to keep up with all the things I need to accomplish. Found a little notebook I could keep up with, sat down to make my "to do" list for the day... couldn't remember a dang thing I meant to put on it. @@

Trust is a huge issue for me. HUGE. After 13 years in a very toxic marriage, I was sure I had lost all ability to ever trust anyone again. Never say never, I guess... my Jim found me, and he never gave me a minute's cause to doubt him. He was my rock-- I tested the limits, I kept expecting him to let me down. I was positive the other shoe would drop, but it never did... until the day he died and left me shattered. I had finally relaxed, learned to trust that he would always be there-- and then he wasn't, and I went straight back to square one. :-\ I was exactly where you are-- convinced I could never regain a capacity to trust anybody. I was shocked to find out it wasn't true. I have managed to find one person-- a dear friend, maybe the best I've ever had-- hell, no maybe about it-- that I've been able to let into my heart and allow myself to trust completely. That is a priceless gift, and one I will always treasure. It doesn't fix the "will I always be alone?" fear. I still want to be half of a pair again-- I don't know that I'll ever feel truly whole without that. But I have at least one person I can count on, and that goes a long way toward making me feel secure enough to keep going. So many hugs, Mike. I can't honestly believe you'll always be alone, or that I will, or any of us here. We have too much love inside of us to let it go to waste. Hold on, okay?

"Inch worm, inch worm,measuring the marigolds... " Yes, I've seen both of those! Thanks to my "I am NOT a Goth!" daughter, we've watched them repeatedly. I do love me some Anthony Head... In fact... that triggers a sweet memory of my Jim. He was forever making up silly songs about this, that, or the other-- his cats were one of his favorite subjects ("Deck the halls with shaven kitties, fa la la la la... "). After we saw Repo! he started singing (I use the term loosely), "Kittens come in a little glass vial. A little glass vial? A little glass vial, and it's loaded in the gun like a battery... The gun goes off, and you're ready for surgery, surgery. Surgery, surgery... " Lol. I know you had to be there, but it was so insane and adorable. He usually had a cat to use as a prop. Used to crack me up.

Oh, Sondheim! So many of my faves are his-- A Little Night Music, Sweeney Todd, Into the Woods... and if it's not my absolute favorite, it's in my top 5: Sunday in the Park with George. I love this show, and this is the most significant song in it. I couldn't listen to it for a long time-- the idea of moving forward was too painful, and being told to "move on" was downright insulting. (My mother told me one day, around two months out, that I needed to move on. I quite literally screamed at her, "NO I DO NOT!!!!!") But it speaks volumes to me now. The lyrics are so compelling to me: Stop worrying where you're going-- move on. If you could know where you're going, you've gone-- Just keep moving on. I chose, and my world was shaken-- so what? The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not... The song is here, along with the lyrics: http://soundkrayons.blogspot.com/2010/04/songs-of-substance-move-on-by-stephen.html I know the very title of the song could be triggering ("Move On"). Please don't think I'm telling anyone that they need to "get over it" or "move on" or anything like that. For me, this song says that we can't stand still, even when we desperately want to-- I never wanted to leave Jim behind, not for a minute, and the idea of moving forward in any way was completely repugnant. But the clocks keep ticking, the calendar keeps changing, week after week and month after month. I'm learning to bring Jim with me as I find my own way to move on.

Oh, yes. Les Mis definitely falls into the "sob my way through" category, sigh. But there's something to be said for catharthis... and I do love this song. ((((HUGS)))) I also adore Danny Kaye!! He was my fave math teacher ever in Merry Andrew-- "The square of the hypotenuse of the right triangle... " And sometimes I get his ruminations stuck in my head: "An inspector generally inspects-- that is, the Inspector General inspects generally... " Lol. Lord, that's obscure. No wonder people give me weird looks when I open my mouth...

I love you guys!!! I honestly didn't think anyone would respond to this. Yay, I'm not the only musical geek out there! Gabzmom, in my best moments, I almost think I can be determined enough to defy gravity. Wicked is almost always in my CD player in the car-- some songs make me cry too much to sing ("That Girl," "Because I Knew You"), but the rest can generally be counted on to boost my mood. It's so hard to choose, but it's probably my all-time favorite show. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I still love Into the Woods-- I remember seeing the original cast performing the title song on the Tonys many, many moons ago. I try very hard to keep this in mind: "No One is Alone."

He meant Sunday. Wid brain. Also, he has a convertible, so if the weather's nice...

If you're determined to show off your mad city driving skillz, more power to you-- I'm in, but I call shotgun.

I was raised by a classical musician: my dad is a choral conductor with a PhD in music education and most of a second in keyboard. He teaches theory, voice, piano, and organ. My mom was a professional soprano before she got married; my sister is a singer/songwriter. Music is and has always been integral to my life. Growing up, we were only allowed to listen to classical music or my mom's stack of Broadway records. Consequently, I've been a fan of musicals forever, and even though I can't even identify currently popular artists, I can sing at least one song from just about every Broadway show since 1943. All right, that might be a slight exaggeration-- it occurs to me that I don't know anything from Starlight Express or Nine-- but the point is, musical theater is my paradigm, and I'm more likely to find something meaningful in some phrase by Sondheim or Schwartz than in any self-help book. I've been threatening to do this for awhile. I don't expect anyone else to contribute, but please feel free to add anything you like from the Great White Way. I'm just putting links to songs that I find significant. I don't know... you might like some of them. The way I've felt over the past few days, my first inclination was to start with "Learn to be Lonely," from the movie version of Phantom. But that's not where I want to be, so I opted for this one instead. It's sort of an overcoming adversity song from The Scarlet Pimpernel. Take the drama in stride, okay? It's theater. "Into the Fire": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZXpo2WFbXA

Woohoo!!!!

Oh, hon. ((((HUGS))))

I think the reservation is for 2:30. We could meet earlier for a stroll?

Oh, Baylee. I wish I had more than hugs... ((((((BAYLEE)))))))

I can't offer any better advice, but I've got plenty of ((((HUGS)))))) I'm another one floundering through school-- I started with a full load (after 9 years away from uni) last August, when I was 4+ months out. I'm only taking one class this session, but it's kicking my tail. My original plan was to be done by the end of this summer, but I've reevaluated my position on that-- it's just not worth the stress.

I'm late. Sorry. Don't fire me. I must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. Hang on, I've got the Staples delivery van here. I'll leave your credit card on your desk, boss. All right, guys! Around this side-- back it up! Yeah, over here-- watch it-- The big desk goes in the big office. Smaller one goes next door, with the copy machine. Lazy Boys-- yeah, I know, those were a special order. Scotch-guarded and designed to repel tears and chocolate. They go in the break room. Yep, fridge too-- where else would we put it? I almost ordered us a soda machine, but here in hell they could only guarantee to stock it with Sierra Mist and Tab. Hmm. I'm not sure all my chairs are here. Where's the invoice? Oh, there's the sun lamp. Coffee maker, check. Two-gallon can of Folgers and a jumbo pack of 1000 filters, okay. Microwave? Well, how did you think we were going to heat up our lasagna? Oooh, my copy paper and Post-Its. Very important, also the Sharpies. Pens, paper clips-- no, the purple stapler is mine, thanks. I'll take that. The rest can go-- um. There's a supply closet around here, isn't there? Mop and bucket. Who's on clean-up duty? We are NOT letting this place get to the condition our last office was in! I mean it, if someone doesn't volunteer, I'll draw names. All righty, I think that's everything. Nice. It's starting to look like home around here. Anyone want to order pizza?

(((Mixelated))) I second what Maureen said. I'm so sorry you had to look for us, but glad you found us. Hold on. We get it.