his stuff

[imissdow]

tonight a couple of my friends called me. They are cleaning out their garage. AGAIN. they do this at least once a year. This year it has been twice.  My Dh had work stuff stored at this garage.  At one point he had half of this filled with assorted work stuff. I have thrown or given most of this stuff way and it was down to a couple of shelves and a few boxes.  These are good friends and for the most part have been really good with me having stuff in their garage. I don't pay rent or anything so I really can't complain about any of this.  However, today they called and want the rest of his junk out.  You can't keep it forever they tell me. Then after asking me what I want of this stuff proceed to call some friends to see if they can give some of his stuff away.  told me if they can sell it they will split the money with me. Now none of this really has any emotional value. It was work stuff, tools and the like. Yet it's still my stuff to give away.  In 1 week it will have been 4 years.  I really should have done this 2 years ago or even better tossed the stuff in the truck when Gary was selling all that stuff off.  I still have a basement of stuff I need to go thru.

 

I guess what bothered me the most was the your not using it/ why would you keep his stuff attitude.  She actually said if your not using it get rid of it you can't keep it forever just because it was his.  I have gotten rid of tons of stuff. clothes. His tools and truck. I just have a hard time throwing out stuff that he worked hard for.  I have a bunch of books, code books that I can't find a home for. They cost a ton. I can't bring myself to pitch them.  I look in the basement and half of the stuff I don't even know what to do with.  If I could give it to someone who would use it or needed it then by all means take it. I'm not attached.  Just don't want to trash it.

 

Maybe part of the problem is the timing. His birthday is Friday he died 4 days later. really was hoping it wouldn't sting this year but...

 

 

[Virgo]

It should still be up to you to sort through it. They shouldn't be telling you what YOU should do with HIS stuff. That would rub me wrong. I actually found momentos as I was going through my husband's tool box, so I'm glad that I was the one sorting through it. If it were me I would just tell them that I'll be over to get it. That way if you do decide to sell any of it you won't feel obligated to give them half of whatever you sell it for either.

[lcoxwell]

I look in the basement and half of the stuff I don't even know what to do with.

 

^^^ This is where I am at, with Kenneth's things, except his things are in the garage. If I weren't moving in less than a month, I think I would gladly leave it all right where it is, untouched.

 

Were I in your shoes, I think I would be upset, too. No one has the right to tell you what you should do with your husband's things. It is your right to go through his things, or not, when you are ready, and not a minute before. Telling you they will sell it and keep half the money, now that takes a lot of gall! I am sorry this is causing you additional stress and that the timing is so bad. (((Hugs)))

[Kealoha]

Oh hugs to you.  That must be so difficult.  I still have everything in the house and haven't moved it; in-laws have offered to help but I just told them I wasn't ready.  i am sorry you are getting this pressure from your friends.

 

Re the books, if you are ok with parting with them, could you trade them in on Amazon or maybe donate to a school or library near you?  When I'm ready I think I will donate a lot of clothes to an org that helps people get back on their feet, -and books either to Amazon or a school, depending on content.

 

Sorry this is all coming so close to a difficult time....  Sending big hugs.

[BrokenHeart2]

Wow, that was sorta cold of them. They would sell for half the proceeds. Ugh I'm sorry you're having to deal with this especially with the timing of his birthday but as I have learned, some people just don't get it. DGI they have no idea what you've gone through and given up but still, the timing couldn't have been worse for you

Hugs

[luvmy2babies]

I either gave away or tossed so much stuff in the two years following dh's death.  He had told me he wanted his clothes given away; but after initially giving his uniforms back to the post office, it still took 2 years to get it done.  I had a lot of starts and stops over the time and he had so many clothes and shoes, it was nuts.  Socks went to the local VA and he had enough to fill a 39 gallon plastic bag.  Shoes divided up among 8 teens (small feet), 80 neckties, 40 suits....I get tired just thinking about it.  Even after all of that, I was still amazed at what was left when I was preparing to move a few months ago.

 

I'm sorry for the timing of this.  I would just do what the other poster mentioned and retrieve the things from them.  That way you can deal with it in your timing how you are comfortable.

[anniegirl]

Poor timing on your friend's part and certainly she could have tried to see this from your point of view.

 

If it's tools and work related stuff that still is useful, have you thought about contacting a school or training centre that might be able to find people who need those things. I know that the school system where I live takes donated tools for their Tech/Shop classes. Maybe there is something like that near you? Or possible newcomer centres for immigrants? Ours takes all sorts of donations of things to help people set up when they arrive and don't necessarily have the ready funds to buy all the things they need. Churches too might now of charities or people in need.

 

It's amazing how much stuff we accumulate and don't realize it until we have to off load it.