K+F Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hello, I am K. I've lurked for months, so I feel like I already know many of you. My husband, F, died 10 months ago from a sudden heart attack. He had been recovering from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm for just short of four years. He was a paraplegic due to the massive blood loss of the aneurysm. He was an amazing man. An Emmy Award winning producer/editor, larger than life. But he also lived life hard and fast, he never felt that anything would happen to him. It did. And the aftermath was pretty much devastating to our family. F could never accept that he wasn't "whole", he fell into a deep depression, and I had to hospitalize him. He had been mentally stable, and we were working on finding our way back to each other three days short of a year when I found him dead. There was nothing I could have done to save him, but it took me months to believe that. Sometimes I still find myself wondering. I spent four years trying my best to keep him alive, how could that have happened on my watch???? We have a beautiful 8 year old son (7 at the time), and for the life of me I don't know how I had it together enough to get him out of the house without him knowing that his dad had died during the night. Fast forward ten months. We are ok. We go to grief group, we both are in counseling, we are loved very much by our family and friends. I felt like we'd turned a corner. But today, I dropped off F's ashes to be interred, his birthday is tomorrow and last weekend I spent the whole weekend purging my garage of all the "stuff" he liked to keep. All of it is too much. Not to mention I tried my hand at dating, and found out someone that I really liked and trusted is a big fat liar! So the grief wave hits again. I know my only choice is to ride it. I am grateful that I had some really great days because they make me hopeful that there will be more. Hopefully soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I am so sorry. Sending ((hugs)). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I have found that when a wave of grief strikes after a period of doing pretty well, I am still shocked by it. Intellectually I know there are ups and downs and that I will never be "over it" but emotionally it is tough to keep going back to that pain. There will be more great days ahead for you, until then sending you a tight hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Hugs from here too. I'm glad you de-lurked-- keep talking, it does help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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