Long distance connections

[momtokam]

I know many of you have connected initially with your chapter 2's on line for a while before actually meeting in person, due to distance. If you have had a really good connection, how was the first in person meet?

 

Was the connection instantly there or did it take some time?

Or was it not there.

 

 

[Pammy]

I would say it was closer to instant than not, but it was not like rainbows and butterfly's in my eyes when I first met him lol. I did feel like I really wanted to learn more about him. Its hard to describe - something was instant, even if it was just the curiosity to get to know him better. We must have done something right, we have been married for nearly 10 years now  

[momtokam]

Thank you Pammy!  I'm so happy for you!

 

 

 

[Jess]

Our first meet was about 4 months into knowing each other and about a month from the time we figured out we were more than friends. He flew in to see me. When he was walking from the gate to baggage claim I made him call me because I knew for better or for worse, once we met in person things were going to change and I wanted just a couple last minutes in case it didn't go as I hoped. When I saw him, it was surreal. There were immediate sparks that were also cluttered with the natural awkwardness of adjusting to someone's physical presence. The awkwardness went away pretty quickly and things just felt natural.

[Wheelerswife]

I met my second husband John 3 weeks after we started marathon telephone conversations.  The connection was instantaneous, similar, I think, to Jess' experience in meeting at the airport.  We hugged...and just held on.  At the end of the weekend, we knew it was that good.  I think, though, that most relationships take a bit longer to come together and moving as quickly as we did has backfired for other people at times.  Be careful!

 

Maureen

[momtokam]

Thank you Jess and Maureen for sharing you beautiful stories.

It is so hard to know what it could be like if you haven't experienced it.

 

I am trying to be careful and keep second guessing my feelings thinking I am crazy.

 

Hearing all your stories I know that it can be possible.

 

Thank you all.

[maddalena]

i met my guy last year on neutral ground. i had not seen him in 45 years. he was grey and bald, with very rugged skin from too much sun and only when he smiled could i see the cute boy he had been.

i was dismayed at his appearance, but it only took 24 hours for some chemistry to happen.  we had been on the phone for two months before we met.

we are still long distance but the end is in sight

[momtokam]

Thank you M so much!

[Guest TooSoon]

I wanted to reply to this earlier but only had my phone while on vacation (with said long distance BF). 

 

From a chance comment on a random post nearly two years ago, I connected with someone on ywbb.  We started writing a few times a week, then daily.  For the first few months I wouldn't tell him my easily googleable last name and I genuinely wasn't looking or even really thinking that it might evolve the way that it has.  We wrote for six months before meeting in NYC when he was here for work (it was super-fun explaining to my parents who I was going to be meeting in NY while they babysat....).  Anyway, our connection as friends was already well established and the chemistry was pretty instant, though I was doggedly determined not to be the one to "start anything" as I had at that time very little confidence in my own sanity/stability and didn't want to drag him into my widow - mess.  Fortunately, that concern was unfounded (ok, well, most of the time anyway).

 

The very best piece of advice I can offer is: absolute, unconditional, total honesty about everything all of the time. 

 

This long distance thing is a trial though and it has only gotten harder with time and with the full realization that we want to be together permanently.  It takes tremendous patience, and more grace than I can sometimes muster.    Best of luck to you! 

[momtokam]

Thank you so much TooSoon!

 

Your story always makes me smile! Thank you for sharing more details. I can only imagine your parents reaction! !

 

I truly hope you both find that perfect permanent together time!

 

 

 

 

 

[Mizpah]

BabyDaddy and current boyfriend is a widower from my hometown.  He was working on my mom's apartment-to-be when his fiancee died suddenly (car accident).  The next time I was visiting my family, to pay it forward, I stopped by my mom's apartment when I knew he wouldn't be there and left a note and lots of Gatorade (in my early days, I couldn't eat and subsisted on red Gatorade).  I told him who I was and left my number in case he needed someone who got it.  He reached out to thank me via text and we texted for months on and off - grief buddy stuff.  Months later, I was going to be in town briefly and told him if he wanted to get together to talk we could.  Our texting had been very serious, grief-related, life-post-loss-related, nothing even remotely flirtatious at all, and I'd met other widowers totally platonically.  So it shocked me when, within a few minutes of meeting, we were laughing and there was undeniable chemistry.  I had major... I guess you'd call it ethical?... conflicts because he didn't have anyone else who was like us (young widow(er)) and I really wanted him to have a very simple friendship for his benefit, and he was only about 6 or 7 months out.  Within the first hour, he'd reached out and touched my hair (what?!).  I resisted all of it, and returned home, and went abroad to the Middle East for a couple weeks on vacation (during which I came alive again).  I resisted, but I *knew* that there was something there, and I felt it was inevitable that we would come together in some way, whether it be a casual fling or something more.  Two years later, we live together and have a 14-month-old daughter.  It all happened way too fast, and taking it slow would've been very smart and prudent.  Chemistry doesn't always equal compatibility.  But hard as it can be for a million different reasons, we're making it work every day.  A little more than you asked for, but there it is....

 

Edited to add: it wasn't on-line, but was a stranger connection through technology, so kinda close????

[momtokam]

Thank you Mizpah!

You have shared so much of your story.

 

It's interesting that the chemistry didn't start until after you met. And  chemistry also doesn't mean compatibility, this is so true.

 

Thank you again.

 

I did meet him tonight finally! It was supposed to be tomorrow but I took a chance on tonight as I was near where he was and he loved the idea. There was chemistry but also a little hesitation in my part as we were getting used to each other. Our original date is still on for tomorrow so that is a good start! I'm taking it one step at a time....

 

[momtokam]

Just a small update...

 

We planned a longer day yesterday to do a lot of different things, talk a lot and learn about each other. The day was nice with some very nice moments and some I still wondered about.

 

In the end, the player in him revealed himself.

 

I am a damn good catch and I deserve so much more....

[Mizpah]

In the end, the player in him revealed himself.

 

I am a damn good catch and I deserve so much more....

 

So glad you can see this and decide before you get attached.  Go you!  I'm sorry for the disappointment, but glad you're standing up for your worth and desires!

 

(And as for my story and there not being chemistry until we met: neither of us were looking for someone, and certainly neither of us wanted a long distance relationship, and we'd never met, so being "just friends" made sense.)