And the inquest comes back to haunt me

[gracelet]

I got an email from the police yesterday.  I don't know the background exactly but they need to talk to me about wife's inquest and have asked to come see me next week.  WTF?  The inquest was over a year ago and she died nearly two years ago.  Pity the outcome of their investigation can't be 'Surprise!  She's not actually dead!'  I just don't want to remember it and I've done well in suppressing those memories.  My mind is running away with itself, wondering what this is all about and I feel a bit shitty.

 

Second, I've had to raise a formal grievance against a colleague who was thoroughly inappropriate with me at a company function.  Sexually inappropriate, insensitive about suicide, and then threatened me.  How am I surrounded by such knobends half the time?  I only met the guy the once and he was a twat.  In order to pursue this, I had to write an official statement and be formally interviewed by an external investigator.  Again - it brings it all back. I remember being interviewed by the police while I sat utterly stunned on the sofa having found my wife hanging a two hours earlier, and then being put on the stand in court to give evidence at her inquest.

 

This is shit.  I was doing really well and now these stress points have come into my life through no fault of my own.  At least I'm able to identify the triggers for this dip in mood.

 

Meh.  Just venting.  Thanks for reading.

[Jen]

WTF indeed??!?!?! I'm so sorry. I know the hamster in my brain would be running like mad on the wheel to nowhere.

 

Good on you for filing the grievance, because jerks like that need to be brought up short, but that had to be so hard... again, useless as it is, I'm so sorry. ((((((HUGS))))))

[Virgo]

If the inquest is over, and her death was ruled a suicide, can you deny the meeting with the police? I'm sorry it's bringing up those memories again.

 

Your co-worker sounds like a doll. What an ass! I'm sorry you have to go through the filing process, but good for you! Hopefully there are some consequences for his actions.

[Jess]

No idea what to say about this new pile of crap in your life. Just thought I'd say I read it and both situations piss me off on your behalf.

[Trying]

What on earth could the police have to talk to you about now?! How awful, can you have someone supportive with you?

 

As for your coworker, you can bet that there are others he has harassed who never filed a complaint, good for you for handling it.

 

Big hugs with these tough situations.

[hikermom]

That is just shit, Grace. So sorry you are dealing with dual issues that are so emotional and loaded.

 

Good for you for holding your knobend (I love the pejoratives that you and Helen use!!) of a co-worker accountable for his actions.

[Catherine]

Hi Grace,

 

That is so weird, did they say why they need to talk to you again??  Phil's inquest was 6 months after he died and I haven't heard anything since

 

I empathise though because the inquest is and was horrible.  The police that dealt with Phil's were 100% incompetent it was an absolute joke.  I didn't complaint at the time because to be honest I just didn't have the energy.  They had taken statements from us who were involved "that morning".  Yet when they sent them to be checked, the ones taken from my friends were completely wrong, and they sent across to me to read as well.  Then to my disgust, the police attempted to make out that Phil took his life because he was high on drugs.  This was completely not true.  Don't get my wrong, Phil did occasionally smoke weed and do coke at parties when he was younger.  But the boys were due to go on a stag weekend the followed weekend from when everything happened, and Phil being Phil had picked some mushrooms when walking our dogs and sent a picture message to one of the boys.......and someone the police put 1 and 1 together and came up with 100.  I was disgusted.

 

The also "forgot" to summon one of our mutual friends to the inquest when they needed him because he was at the scene they found Phil therefore a key witness.......how do you forget that!

 

When loosing your husband, and in these circumstances, you definitely do not need all this shit as well  >

[gracelet]

Thank you. Yes, I'm pissed. I don't need this but it is what it is and it's not my fault. Thank you for replying and just acknowledging. It really helps.

 

I have rather a lot of change going on right now so triggers aplenty, leading me to feel low. I've been crying every day which is so unusual. I'm not depressed - just sad for a bit. I know it will pass.

 

I have a lodger moving in on Friday so had to clear through my spare room which was emotional. Letting someone into my private space again is going to be hard but I need the money. I haven't told her about DW. I figured 'hey, in the room nextdoor a woman hung herself' wasn't really going to be helpful in the sales pitch of how fabulous my flat is.

 

There's a new woman in my life who, when spooning me from behind, feels just like Elle. Falling asleep in her arms is wonderful yet so painful. She's been fabulous in everything she says about her acceptance of DW. almost the perfect responses, so I'm wary of believing her. How can she accept that I'm in love with another woman and always will be?mdunno.

 

Final thing - wife's best friend is coming round on Tuesday to pick up some things I've been keeping aside for him. I haven't spoken to him since the week after Elle died. He upped and left. I have no idea what this will be like. A fight? Calm? A long conversation? A quick in and out, 'have a nice life'?

 

Ugh.

 

Once again. Just thanks for letting me vent in a safe space.

[Catherine]

I had a similar situation with the best friend.  He was actually my friend first!!  We went to high school together, I didn't see him for years until I was out with my housemate at the time, bumped into him and then he got with my housemate (they are still together now!!) that's how I met Phil!

 

He moved to Oz years ago but oddly, was back the week Phil died as the boys were due to go on a stag do the following weekend to when everything happened.

 

When he was here (including that morning) he was a rock, there for me, there for everyone else.  Then he went back to Oz, and literally cut everyone off  :'( deleted Facbook, ignored emails everything!  It was like that for about a year then be opened up a but again.  I do speak to him on Skype/Facebook when he's about now.  But the best friend situation is sad/hard to deal with too.  I feel ya! 

[gracelet]

A detective came round to my house this morning to interview me.  It wasn't too bad.  It's horribly complicated though - I've done nothing wrong - but it turns out that one of the consequences of someone else's massive boo boos is my legal costs unnecessarily spiraling.  I just can't fucking win.

 

Lodger moved in and she's lovely.  Then her grandma died and i found her sobbing on the sofa.  Good start and introduction though for me to be able to tell her about wife.

 

Wife's best friend gave me a hug when he came round.  It was emotional, but it felt like a positive step and I'm proud of myself for being so graceful about it all.  I bawled when I got back in the house though (he wasn't comfortable coming in the flat because she died there)

 

But back to the inquest, I made the stupid mistake of clicking on a story headline today in the Daily Mail (renowned here for sensationalist reporting) about a woman who killed herself.  Turns out it was the same coroner presiding at the inquest, and she had the same GP who she also saw a couple of days before she died!!

 

Way too much stuff.  All packed in.  I'm done.

 

(in good news tinder Girl #5 bought me a zen colouring in book.  Turns out it's very calming!)