Done. Just completely DONE.

[Carey]

I actually woke up this morning feeling a tiny bit proud of myself.  Money has been VERY scary the past two weeks and I carefully couponed my way through getting groceries and having enough left to put JUST enough gas in my truck to get me to Friday morning.  I was feeling semi-happy that I had pulled it off.  Well guess what? kids just called me at work.  Power is off.  In the 24 years I have been an adult out on my own I have NEVER EVER EVER had a utility disconnected. NEVER. Much less the fricking electricity.  My kids are home panicked.  Power company won't budge.  It's $206 today or almost triple that when I get paid Friday, which would be my ENTIRE paycheck.  Why am I even bothering?  I used to be glad that my friend saved me from the time I had a lapful of pills.  I thought that was the darkest moment. I thought Chad would be proud of me for trying, for putting one foot in front of the other every day and scraping by and doing it.  For him.  Really right now I just SO want to lay my head on his shoulder and cry my heart out.  Theres no fixing this one.  No creative financing, no borrowing peter to pay paul and it's all my fault. I'm a failure, I've let the kids down colossally ..and oh those groceries I bought?  will probably rot in a fridge with no power.  How do I look them in their faces and admit this? Right now they think it's just an outage cause I was trying to work every avenue I could.  Now I'm just sitting alone in my office at my desk with the door shut praying someone here doesn't see the puddle I'm in.  My kids don't deserve this, they deserve someone who can actually keep shit together for them.  It shouldn't BE like this and yes as much as I want to lay my head on Chad's shoulder I want to punch him in the nose for dying and leaving us like this.  Failing that I want to scream but I have to keep my cool and sit at this desk and work for 2 more hours.  HOW? how do I do that?  I'msorry ya'll ... I'm not asking for help I just needed to vent.  I'm embarrassed and ashamed, so there's really no one here in this town to talk to. 

[Guest mawidow]

Thanks for letting us know. There's a saying I like:

'Don't trust anyone who's never been broke or never been fired'

 

Sending big support.

[Virgo]

Could you possibly get an advance on your check so you can pay the lower amount? That's awful, I'm sorry. If you've never missed a payment before you would think the electric company would be more lenient.

[SimiRed]

This life can drain the happiness right out of you. With mini-disasters striking left and right, is it any wonder you might begin to think bad things about yourself?  Almost all of us have felt like a failure at some point in our life.  It's normal to feel like this from time to time.  We all have, you're not alone! 

 

Give yourself some credit!!  "I woke up this morning feeling a tiny bit proud of myself"  Focus on that!  That is not the words of a failure!  You probably spend hours on those darn coupons and bought groceries for your children!  Proud of you for that!  I hate coupons!  Even saved enough for gas...YEAH!!  That is not a failure!!!  Chad is PROUD of you for putting your feet forward and doing the best you can with what you have to work with. 

 

Yes, your kids do deserve you, look at how hard you work, look at those coupons you cut out and managed to get them food!  They have a Mother who is busting her butt for them!  Sitting at work while in a meltdown takes determination to succeed and survive.  Focus on that, don't let this road block beat you, go around it, over it, or plow through it.  It's an obstacle, but you can do it.

 

{{{{HUGS}}}}  Call the electric company, get a different person on the phone who can be more understanding of your situation.  Tell them you have children in the house and they will get paid on Friday, ask them to waive any late fees due to the situation and to look at your past payments and know that you have never been late.  Many utility companies will offer aid to those in need of assistance. Check out the utility company?s website to see if there are any programs and discounts that can help cut down your bills.

 

I don't know where you're at... but read this website, maybe someone can help.

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ocs/programs/liheap/about

 

Go here and click on your state...  http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ocs/liheap-state-and-territory-contact-listing

 

 

[Trying]

I don't want to overstep my bounds because I hear the desperation in your posts and I feel terrible for the difficult circumstances you have been in since Chad died.  You didn't choose this life, it chose you and you done an amazing job keeping your head above water.  But here is my question.  Do your children work and contribute to the household expenses?  Having them contribute half of their pay to the household is not unreasonable and sounds like it is necessary. My parents charged me rent once I was of age and working, not because they needed the money but to teach me financial responsibility. 

 

I can only imagine that it's a very difficult thing to discuss with your kids but you are not a failure! You are doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances.  They are old enough to understand the reality of your financial strain.

 

(((Carey)))

[Max2507]

Take a deep breath, the power is out, people can live with the power out. Can you get ice to keep your food cold. Borrow coolers or even fill your frig with sever bags of ice. Any friend that could store some items in their frig/freezer for the short term? Look your kids in the face and say well we will make it regardless. It won't hurt them to be without power for awhile. Nothing to be embarrassed about it is what it is.

[Carey]

We stayed with friends last night and put our groceries in their fridge and due to a miracle I think the power may be back on today. I realize I sounded quite frantic yesterday. I can never decide if coming here venting is what I should do, I don't want to sound like a whiner or a complainer, but more often than not I get so much support and encouragement here it's worth looking like an idiot.  Thank you to those who responded. I never had a lot of friends anyway.  Chad and I sort of kept to ourselves and our kids. My dad died a few years back, my mom and I are completely estranged (another long story for another depressing day lol)  I've always just had one or two good friends at a time.  My bestie was able to help with a couch to sleep on and a place to put our food, but they are really no better off than me, actually probably worse so I felt bad about even telling him what happened.  they couldn't help with the bill but they did what they could and I'm grateful.  Anyway, I'm rambling again. I just wanted to say thanks.

[Jen]

More hugs from here. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. It probably doesn't help much, but... this too shall pass. Hang in there.

[Max2507]

Sometimes things get so overwhelming and it really sucks when just when you think its coming together something else happens, breaks, explodes, or melts down. But look what you have been through already and you are still making it.

[Carey]

well lookie here.  I made it to Friday.  Thanks to an angel the power bill got paid while they were still willing to accept the lower amount and now I even have gas in the car and money for dinner.  I wont say life is good ... but another hurdle has been scrambled over.

[Jen]

I'm glad to hear things are looking up, even just a little. We keep moving forward, whether it's by miles or inches. ((((HUGS))))