Max2507

Geez people can be so un-self aware of how what they are saying effects people. I lost the person I loved, that loved me back in an incredible way, the person I thought I would spend many more years with, had plans for the future with---Isn't that the person you lost too? Yes I was married but doesn't my decription fit your situation, I was also a woman married to a man but what if it were a female partner? Wouldn't they be in the same fucking sad situation? Sorry just this kind of crap makes me so angry and from your mom of all people, two weeks post loss. I think next time she pushed that distinction I would say OK you are right I am just a woman who's fiance FUCKING DIED!!

I am coming up on the his 4th birthday since he died and then a month later the death anniversary. On the first birthday we released butterflies and went out to eat. We just make a family dinner of it now. For the death anniversary, not really anything although I did take off from work and just gave my self breathing room. Its hard not to think about it that day. It seems like a physical reaction almost. I also took off for our wedding anniversary.

Nice to meet everyone and hope everyone had safe travels! Thanks for organizing SunshineFL, great choice on Fabrica Pizza the food was awesome.

I don't know if they have the speakers listed yet but don't miss anything by Tom Zuba or Kelly Lynne

I could come over. Maybe do a lunch on Sunday or a Saturday afternoon get together? I went to camp widow before, 1st time was 10 mths out and then the following year went again for half of the program. Helped me a lot! Lots of good topics.

Good for you!! Glad to hear things are improving.

"That was my rock bottom..I was swallowed up in grief, trauma and pills..that's what it would do to you." That sounds like you have the perfect response to me. He will likely burn his bridges again and move on to somewhere else.

That was hard to read, like it must have felt like a punch in the stomach. In my head I just imagine he said it in a casual way like hey its Susie from soccer's sister or the wife of a guy he knew from the gym.

I am sorry you are in such a low spot right now. I have read this thread from time to time and honestly have refrained from posting. But from one lonely, hurting person to another this person is a toxic nutjob. She said your wife sent her your way to open your heart again? Oh and then leave you devastated with a 90 day no contact period. I call that bullshit, manipulative, narcissistic and cruel. Its so hard not to believe stupid shit when you are vulnerable and want to believe. I urge you to talk to a therapist. Its so hard not to have someone in your life to talk to and maybe that would help. If you can't do that is there a nursing home you could volunteer at? People with dementia will listen for free and not judge or remember what you said. Some elderly are starving for someone to talk to and have a life time of experience. You can become healthy and whole. Its only then can you find a healthy and whole person to be in a healthy relationship with. Explore who you are, what you want to do. What did you enjoy as a child or young adult? Exercise, yoga something physical that you have on your calendar and you just go to whether you want to or not. If your job is so horrible and its just not a scapegoat for unhappiness in your life start planning and implementing your exit strategy. Are you doing work at home because its required or because you are lonely and don't have something else to do? Getting outside into nature helps, see the changing leaves, pick some apples, get one of the special lamps for the winter for the darker days. Get tickets to a concert you want to see or a football game or road trip to see the biggest ball of twine, what ever you want so you have something YOU want to do on your calendar that YOU are looking forward to doing.

Thanks for your responses. They didn't make me feel nothing as what some people have described. I guess it took the extremes out and gave me a touch of serene that I am missing now. I think to myself if it was for high blood pressure I would't just stop taking it, because then your blood pressure would go out of control. I will keep monitoring things and see. Hormones are definitely a problem to and they help a lot with PMS. I know I am doing better than I was, I think I will give it a little more time and in the mean time start looking for a new doctor.

I am at about 3 1/2 years out. 18 months out I just wasn't functioning, couldn't get out of bed in the morning, didn't care about showering, filled with dread and paralysis at the same time. It took at least a month just to get myself to make an appt to get antidepressants. They helped a lot! Kind of took the edge off, quelled the inner chaos, I was able to get things done, and I noticed my long standing nervous habits like picking at my cuticles and teeth grinding had gone almost away as well as I had always been an easy cryer and I could still cry but not at every touching ad on tv or song on the radio that reminded me of my husband. After being on them 18 months I weaned myself off and have been off maybe 6 weeks. I was at a point where I almost felt like I should maybe get a higher dose and just commit to being on for life or go off. My doctor closed her close to me office and it would mean making an appt and driving 40 mins each way when i currently work 60 hours a week and don't have time for that. Probably not the best reason to go off antidepressants. I had originally planned on using them 6-9 months, then it was holiday time and that didn't seem like a great time to go off so I stayed on until they would no longer refill them without seeing the dr. I am feeling very grouchy. I notice my cuticles are suffering and I seem to be grinding my teeth again. I feel a bit scattered. I am just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. I am debating if I should just get a new dr, go back on them or what? How long do you wait to be sure your body has adjusted to not being on them? If you went back on them, did the same dose work?

I have always been an even keeled person, calm and rare to anger. I found the early months (and to be honest even now over three years later)the absolute rage and mood swings were insane. No filters left. it seemed everything was amplified. Nature and exercise are the most helpful to me and getting enough rest. That definitely makes things worse not getting enough sleep or not eating regular. The smashing of things is cathartic, screaming when no one was around helped. Hope you can direct it into something that won't be harmful to yourself or others.

So sorry to hear that

Totally not horrible. I don't know if you are the first born or the only child. I am a middle child so I received little scrutiny but the oldest, my sister and my mom had that kind of dynamic. It would drive her crazy and I would say why do you let that bother you and of course easier said than done. I think we tend to act like children with our parents and its hard to get it to an adult/adult level. Work on your communication techniques for shutting her down and work on taking a deep breath and stop taking it personally...its her "stuff" not yours you are doing a fantastic job don't let her push your buttons. This is what I had my sister do: say "thanks, I am glad you are concerned" or "thanks for the input"and then do it the way you want. Also, "glad you worry so much about me still but you did such a great job raising me into a capable adult you really don't have to anymore" My mom was speechless after that one. She is the way she is and probably won't change so work on some strategies to mitigate her effect on you. You have no obligation to use or even consider her advice.

Everyone is different and you will somehow know when its right for you whether its tomorrow or 50 years from now. You may take them off and change your mind or wear them on your other hand. I wore mine for over two years then it was summer and I was kayaking a lot so I would take them off for that. After a three day camping trip I just left them off. Also was horrified one day when someone asked me if I had remarried. I want to make a ring out of the diamonds from my ring and his so I can still wear my beautiful diamond.

Trying you really summed it up well. WW we have never met, spoke or interacted otherwise but you have been such an inspiration to me at so many points down this road. So glad you have received a great report again, so wonderful to hear good news.

So sorry you are having a bad day. Hugs and solidarity.

I think what your son is the truth and not inappropriate. The other kids parents should be talking to their son about its ok to make a mistake and then say 'oh I am really sorry to hear that" or " so sorry that must be really hard" My son was 15 and went back to school about a week after his dad died and one of his classmates said that exact same thing "what? you are joking" It is actually pretty common for teenagers not to believe stuff like that. So when the second day he went back he asked if he could take the obituary with him I said of course. I also found my son didn't want to talk about things, went about his life as usual. A lot of times shut me down when I wanted to talk about it. Now at 18 we have had a few more discussions. Its more the teenage thing. Desensitized sounds bad. He has been exposed to death, he has seen it, doesn't mean he is desensitized. Maybe more life experienced than others his age. My son lost a dog, 3 grandparents and his dad in the span of 5 years. I think it has given him more empathy for others.

Toosoon, its totally fuck worthy. I taught college 12 years and loved the students, hated the academic machine, that just kills your soul and doesn't really care what kind of teacher you are just who you know, play golf with or run with, its ridiculous

I don't think anyone here thinks "poor pitiful soul". But I know how much of that you get with people that don't get it, haven't been through this. How no one wants to talk about your spouse anymore, even mention their name much less talk about them. If you start to talk about him there is a quick awkward switch in the conversation to something else. I have all these memories of the minutiae of life with him that are so wonderful. Now when someone mentions a loss I say tell me about them. I mean it and enjoy hearing about it. So tell away we understand.

I really fight being bitter about this. Bitter is not a good place but I will an additional fuck fuck fuck for all these people. I know some completely fucking waste of oxygen people that should in no way be alive

Struggling is nothing to be ashamed about. Honestly I still struggle and I am further out than you. I too feel like I need physical contact more than oxygen, ugh there are still ups and downs even further out. Solidarity!

Ugh, I am not on here a lot anymore but when I haven't seen old timers post I am hoping they are off enjoying their life not facing terrible medical crises. CBB I am so sorry you have gone through so much. I hope you are on the mend now. I too am circling. It will be three years on Wednesday. This morning my sister called me at 6:15 am to tell me her husband died in his sleep. Unfortunately it is a second time for her. I am thankful to be far enough along to be able to support her in this. We have had so much death experience we were consoling the first responders. They were so uncomfortable with the whole thing having to wait for an hour for the dr to sign off on it so his body could go to the funeral home. So many days I still feel really fucked up but today I felt strong, being able to help and be supportive.

I have been analyzing this a lot after a hopeful flirtation went blah. I miss the level of relationship I had with my husband but nothing starts like that things have to organically happen. It might take a few dates and getting to know him as a person. And does anyone know what to do with a 50 year olds hormones? Some days I have no interest in a relationship other days I would run away with the first man I see on the cereal isle.

Your accountant should file an amended return right away and pay any penalties because he screwed up. Of course you will have to pay some of that refund back. Or you could work something out with your sister and leave it the way it is but as much hassle as she has given you seems easier to amend your return and let her claim her this one time.