is it my job or is it me?

[Carey]

Long story, but I stumbled into this "career" if you can call it that 4 years ago. I had been a medical transcriptionist with my own business making very good money.  However given the advent of ObAMACARE and electronic medical records, that was phased out and I didn't have much schooling to fall back on. I had been office staff in several doctors offices in the past and that was really the only experience I had. I find myself working in the Audiology (hearing and hearing aids) department at an ENT office and at first it was novel doing things other than typing all day and I enjoyed it. However the pay sucks and without Chad's income that's no good. And I resent the amount of work I had been doing for a measly $10/hr.  I've gotten one raise in 4 years though they promised yearly raises when I was hired, however a year later there was a raise freeze put in place that has not been lifted since.  I find myself being totally irresponsible at work.  Sitting on this board too much. Playing Mahjong. Cruising yahoo stories.  ANYTHING but working.  And I am actually feeling guilty about it now but my heart is so not in it.  Truthfully my heart is not in ANYTHING.  I give myself the same pep talk almost daily that TODAY I'm going to get some real work done and it just doesn't seem to be happening and the work is piling up and my give a damn is busted.  But really it's not just work.  Only one friend to speak of, kids drive me nuts, I hate my house, just everything ... there's no drive to do anything at all really.  As I'm typing this I realize that sounds like depression.  Sad thing about that is insurance at said crappy job is not good and I can't afford to go to a doc.  My regular doc relocated so now I would be considered a new patient anywhere I went and that would take awhile plus the copay is  high.  Between health issues I'm concerned about, dental issues I can't do anything about I just feel like a mess. Pitiful as it is I can't afford to lose this job but no matter what I tell myself I find myself so easily distracted, or really, just not caring.  Has anyone experienced anything similar that you could offer some advice? Cause right now my office mate is out of the building and I'm seriously considering laying my head down on the desk and just going to sleep  :-\

[anniegirl]

When I need to get things done and I simply have no "give a damn", I make lists. Daily and really short. And I won't let myself do anything distracting or fun until the list is completed.

 

It's not foolproof. But often, I end up getting most or all of the things I need to do finished even if it takes me a couple of days to get everything crossed off.

 

However, sometimes, tasks just sit no matter what tricks I use and then, I have to ask myself why? I mean really ask and really honestly answer.

 

The answer is not always what I want to hear.

 

At work, maybe the list thing could help you. Or maybe there is another department you can transfer too? A change of scenery?

 

Outside of work, perhaps you need to ask yourself (or have your friend ask you), what has to change about life to get you involved in yours again?

 

I wish I could be more help. Jump-starting oneself is kind of an individual thing.

 

 

[Carey]

 

However, sometimes, tasks just sit no matter what tricks I use and then, I have to ask myself why? I mean really ask and really honestly answer.

 

The answer is not always what I want to hear.

 

Outside of work, perhaps you need to ask yourself (or have your friend ask you), what has to change about life to get you involved in yours again?

 

I wish I could be more help. Jump-starting oneself is kind of an individual thing.

 

You actually were very helpful though  you're right, it's not what I want to hear. Its pitiful to be stuck in something and be too tired or emotionally drained to take steps to get out of it.  I should find what TRULY interests me, not just something I fell into. Go to school. Find a giveadamn lol  Maybe then I wouldn't feel like such a hamster in a wheel.

[anniegirl]

Being emotionally too drained to take steps is not something you did to yourself. It's just something that happened because of circumstances.

 

And it's a huge thing to know the direction you would like/should head. Some people don't get that far in the process and never get off the hamster wheel.

 

You don't have to figure this all out by tomorrow and thinking/dreaming are an important in the process.

 

So start dreaming. Give yourself permission. If nothing else, it will fill the time more pleasantly.

 

It's hard. But you are probably doing better than you think.

[CBB]

Carey,

I so understand your head space! I am having similar issues and my give a damn got up and left the planet! I am going on 22 months now, no job, health issues, no insurance... all that jazz and more. I haven't figured out my next move at all.

 

Don't give up and like it was said before, this doesn't have to be figured out today. I am doing a lot of soul searching and trying to sort out what I want or need to do. I know I can't physically do what I had prior so making adjustments accordingly. I may go to school, take a class? Not sure, but eventually it will slowly start to make sense. Taking baby steps is fine. Start where you are and maybe write down ideas? We all have to start somewhere, right?

Good luck ! I just had to respond as I read your post. I could have written this myself.

 

Cyndi

[OSAAT]

I have a degree anf I am not currently working in my field. I HATE my job. It is awful. I am looking at getting a career in my field or in a related field. I just can not stay at my place of employment. I hope you are able ti find a solution to your employment issues!

[gracelet]

Carey,

 

Firstly, I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  From what you describe, yes, it sounds like depression.  I am bipolar and pretty heavily medicated so I'm afraid I can't offer any advice as to ways to help depression without pharmaceuticals :-(

 

Having a career as a widow is a challenge.  I blogged about it the other day because I was having to write my self appraisal form.  I then wrote a spoof about my technical skills.  It  probably won't help, but just want to let you know you're not the only one who is trying to find the right balance.  http://eerilycheerily.com/2015/03/08/part-one-a-self-appraisal-look-how-amazing-i-am/

 

Have your bosses flagged any performance issues with you?  I've found that sometimes we're worrying that we're doing a bad job, and wasting time, but actually, nobody else is noticing, or indeed they are actually quite pleased with my output!  Keep plugging away.  As I type, I'm at work, but this is me taking a quick break.

 

My widow brain has subsided but I certainly had performance issues early on when I returned to work (three months after Elle died).  I had to change roles but it was a lateral move within the company.  I simply couldn't cope with the pace at which I was previously used to and was worried I wouldn't have the stamina to keep up.  Making that move was an excellent choice and I'm really happy in my job.

 

I've had to revamp the way I work - I have lists, I take regular breaks, I outsource what I can to the woman I manage and on good days, I will go all guns a blazing at my work.  On days where I'm feeling meh, I'll do what I can and then bugger off out of the office early.  As a widow early on, keeping a routine is very helpful but not achievable every single day.  Do equip yourself with tools and people to support though.  Take a look at this page on some basic productivity methods and see if there's anything that will work for your natural personality: http://fijourney.com/get-more-done-a-few-favorite-productivity-methods/

 

I find it helps to have some inspiring quotes on my desk too.  mine are:

 

"They can't scare me if I scare them first" - Lady Gaga

"It's not what I do but the way I do it.  It's not what I say but the way I say it." - Mae West

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world." - Robin Williams.

 

They speak to skills I need to remember to focus on in my specific role (legal marketing).

 

Can you try out some new techniques?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest nonesuch]

Yes, it's partly your job.

 

The economy hasn't been great the last few years. 

 

Regarding your health, though, I would say, you don't ask, you don't get.  Call around to dentists, because I know that dentists sometimes have clinics for people who are uninsured/underinsured.  My neighbor needed dental work and was up front with the dentist in saying he didn't have a lot of money.  The dentist agreed to do it and only asked, "Please don't have me be the last to be paid."  My old dentist is retired and still works a couple days a month at a clinic. 

 

And with a doctor you may see the same thing.  Ask about a payment plan.  My old doctor (also retired) understood my situation and allowed me a fifteen minute check-up where ordinarily she'd have the office schedule a half hour physical. There's nothing wrong with taking medication to make you more functional.

[Justin]

There are some great tools in the link that Gracelet posted! (I personally really like the GTD system - I have been using a partially implemented version for quite some time.)

 

I want to add another link for the "tickler file" or "43 folders" system. This system is extremely low tech, and good to use if you have to handle a lot of paperwork:

 

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/back-to-basics-the-tickler-file.html

[Justin]

I had to search for this thread - hard to believe the last post was from almost 10 months ago!

 

I came across this short video that illustrates the Getting Things Done (GTD) principles very well. I'm still not fully implemented, but it does help :-)

 

[pms1954]

Maybe looking into something different might inspire you. Have you thought of court reporting? It seems similar to transcription and pays well. If it interested you maybe that would help get you motivated. There's never an easy answer tho.