Suicide...The walk...the speech...I want to hit something

[Sugarbell]

I had mentioned on here a while back about being asked to speak at our OODW next weekend.

 

I declined a few weeks ago. It's a super crazy weekend...ball games, homecoming, my oldest going to his first real dance, middle sons birthday party and that weekend is 8 years for me since Ben died.

 

Sent an email to one of our 2 organizers just confirming that I wasn't speaking and telling her I am leaving early due to my kids activities. She responds back "That is fine...M (the other over zealous organizer)...is going to speak (she loves it) and is going to tell your story and about you being a first responder to your husbands suicide and the impact on survivors when they are the first ones to find the deceased"...

 

I had to read it twice....I couldn't believe a person could be so arrogant and thoughtless. (to her it's not...she tells her story about her brother over and over publicly at speaking engagements any time she gets a chance)

 

So I responded back "You must have misunderstood...I have no problem with public speaking...I do it daily in my profession. I do not want to speak nor do I want my personal story shared. If I wanted to share it...it would come from me. I am rather insulted. Furthermore my sons refuse to come to this walk because it's always such a downer...and my 8 year old daughter will be there with me. She really doesn't need to hear me or anyone for that matter hear details about her fathers death. My kids are not in denial...they have known about his suicide pretty much their entire lives...But there is no need to rehash a private matter 8 years later. I know you are committed to this cause. I know losing your siblings (both of them lost a sibling when they were teenagers at a young age) But being widowed at a young age to suicide to with 3 young kids is entirely different than losing a sibling. Not that one is worse than the other....But this has never been about me or my ego...it's always been about protecting raising my kids. "

 

I seriously do not want to even go now. I am going because Bens friends have raised tons of money and the team name is DHs name. I told his close friend I will not be back next year and to change the team name. He understands. This is worse than the egos who run our PTA (which is why I am not a member)

 

Who the hell does that kind of shit??? I want to throat punch someone.

 

 

[widowat33]

Wow. How insensitive.

It is your story, not theirs, to tell if you choose to. I can't believe anyone would even think that it would be ok. Thankfully she mentioned it to you beforehand so you could stop it.

I think your reply is perfect. Probably a lot more censored than I would have been!

[Sugarbell]

I think the 2 of them have gotten so wrapped up since they got a law passed that suicide prevention is mandatory in the schools that they think the world wants to hear them speak and they think every survivor wants there story on public display: They need reined in...but I am just no longer going to participate or be a part of this circus: if I got really nasty it would just cause drama...not going to feed the drama beast. Best thing for me to do is to have no contact and not participate in this mess anymore: And Sat I am showing my face..talking to Bs friends then bolting:

 

Unbelievable.

[AndysWife]

WOW.

[WifeLess]

How incredibly presumptuous.

[mmg19]

Thankfully you got a "heads up" and were able to stop it.  Presumptuous indeed.

[Sugarbell]

We aren't going.

 

My boys don't go....my daughter goes but doesn't really care.

 

When we started walking years ago...it was a different organizer. Her heart was in the right place...it was smaller...my kids younger...and it was good for them to see there Dads friends supporting Daddy. It was fun for them.

 

Since she left...the past few years the entire atmosphere changed. And I seriously do not want to be an audience to listen to the same 2 egos speak. I have a very busy weekend that weekend....and really being at the park at 7am....for something that isn't helpful up my kids or myself...on my 8 yr sadanniversary....then have a 10 boy sleepover at my home that evening? No. This was a sign to bolt. I will talk privately to the team members I am close with...they will get it.

 

I love mysel and my daughter too much to put ourselves thru that torture. Lol...And my son deserves me at my best on his birthday. Also I think often an absence or complete shun speaks much louder my feelings than any words I could say.

[linda5]

You handled the situation well.  I'm speechless.  I can't believe they would presume they could talk for you.