ManutesGirl Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 to be doing better than ever but depressed at the same time? A week or so ago I realized that I was the new version of me. I still had a way to go but felt so much lighter than any time since DH was diagnosed 4.5 years ago. It had taken two years of a conscious effort to force myself to engage in something other than work and being home. It's been good for me and although I am still not super social I have met a great group of people that are becoming good friends. At the same time I'm thinking I'm more depressed than ever (lots going on so hard to distinguish between depressed and grief rearing it's ugly head again). I am having a hard time cooking, which means my eating habits are going downhill again. I've always loved to cook. After DH died it was hard to do and rarely did it but I had gotten past that. Now I just don't see the point of cooking for just me. If I cook, then I have to clean up. It all seems so overwhelming. How can both be happening at the same time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIonlycould Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I don't know how that it can happen at the same time but it sure seemed that way for me pretty steady for a while and then off and on....it was a very weird feeling. Like I was me but unable to really engage with myself...I'm not making any sense! Just trying to say I think from experience I know what you are talking about...fortunately that feeling has gone away, but wow I think I felt that way for a few years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManutesGirl Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 That's it IfIonlycould! It's such a weird feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemysWife Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I actually had a similar conversation yesterday. When I look at my life's small picture (right now) I'm pretty happy. Lots of friends, lots of fun stuff going on, it's all pretty good. But when I look at the big picture (future) I'm freakin' miserable! This is not what I want for the rest of my life! So yes, I can be happy one minute, and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders the next. We had plans for our life, and this is not what it was supposed to be like. And I think sometimes the good times can just be a complete mindf*ck because THIS IS NOT WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE! Everything is just so complicated that even doing "better" can somehow still feel off. I also sometimes feel like there is an underlying sadness because of the time of the year. Which I really hope isn't a feeling that lasts forever...... Basically, I'm saying that I think I get what you're saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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