ManutesGirl

This was the first year I didn't post a picture of us on our anniversary. I may do that in the future but who knows. I always post on the anniversary of his death. He mattered and I want people to remember that. For me that's about all I do...some cause I like keeping it to myself but some because I don't want to deal with people judging.

It's hard to believe that it's been 5 years since DH took his last breath. So much has changed along the way and there is so much that happened that I never could have imagined. Overall I am in a good place but I have to admit this month was hard...the death day crazies haven't happened like this since the first 2 years. This year his anniversary is the same day as his death and I think that has messed with me. The flashbacks and remembering exactly what happened 5 years ago that day were tough. Then there is this - I recently started dating for the first time and last night I had my first kiss. Today is DH's angelversary. The contrast of something good and something bad is just bizarre. Happy & sad at the same time for two completely different reasons.

I'm in! See you in a few weeks.

This week was challenging due to a calf strain. Substituted deep water running for my normal runs. Will be testing it out tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. Other than that planning & making my packing lists for Lake Placid. My first Ironman is only 8 days away...I can't believe it is almost here!

Background first...I'm about 4.5 years out. Have always been open to the idea of dating but at the same time have had no desire to date. If I notice a guy paying attention to me or flirting I have always freaked out a bit and not known what to do...but never have given it more than a passing thought... But...I had a guy start flirting with me...when I realized what was happening I started freaking out but since I was on my bike and climbing a tough hill couldn't freak out for long. So started flirting back. I sort of liken it to the kids opening up to you in the car. You can't look right at them so it makes it a lot easier. Of course I went out and bought a few new really cute cycling tops, done a bit of obsessing over every conversation we had, etc... Who knew that a little attention would turn me into a teenager again? Regardless of if I ever run into him again it's been fun having a crush...who knew?

It's been awhile since anyone has posted on this thread. How's everyone doing? I've been very lucky with my training...cooler than normal weather has made long runs and long rides so much more enjoyable. Today's workout was a 30 mile bike ride and a 6 mile run. Lucky enough to have friends join me which always makes it so much easier. then home to eat, shower and nap. I've decided that naps should be a required part of any workout

How's everyone adjusting to exercising in this hot weather? I struggle with the sudden change in temperature & humidity but it is nice to not have to bundle up to go out for a run.

I'm biased but do it. The cabins are great. Letchworth is one of my favorite places on earth! I grew up not far from there and camped there most summers. Some of my longest lasting friendships are people I met as a result of our families vacationing the same weeks each year. There is still a core group of about 5 families that camp at the same time each year. My sister & her family are part of it and I try to get up there when I can. It is so fun seeing the next generation enjoy it like we did. If you camp there Stony Brook State Park is close and worth the day trip. No extra entrance fees to visit other NYS parks if you are camping at one.

Less than 3 months to go before my big race. Today I rode 70 miles. THis is huge for me. I'm relatively new cyclist and this was 25 miles further than I have ever gone. The last 15 or so miles was painful but I pushed through. It wasn't fast by any means but I did it! Hurting girl tonight. Tomorrow's run is probably not going to be fun. I still have a long way to go to be race ready but it is so fun doing more than I ever thought possible.

Yes, it is normal to feel conflicted after being a caregiver. Just remember, no decisions have to be made today. Give yourself time to figure out what you really want to do. If you want to date that's great, if not that's great too. And some people date and then decide they aren't ready and that's ok .

Great job Arneal!

So sorry Jess. I had to deal with that about a year ago. It is so hard when yet another connection to DH is gone.

It was a beautiful morning for a long run along the Potomac. Spotted a bald eagle sitting in it's nest - was so excited to see that even though it was sort of far away. Ran with a group of friends that always push me to do more than I think I can. Got back home, made breakfast or maybe it was lunch by then. Did my strength workout and now I'm trying to find the energy to jump in the shower...

So three weeks till my first race of the season. The weather is not cooperating for outdoor bike rides. UGH! This week has been a great training week for me. I've been struggling with my running the last couple months and finally had a string of runs that are closer to my normal pace AND most importantly felt good. All of us have our own fitness journey but learning to celebrate your accomplishments is so important. It doesn't matter how big or small they are but it does matter that you are out there doing something. I'm hoping people start posting more. Seeing what others do is so motivating to me.

There's a Young Widow meet up group that I am part of. Activities seem to come in spurts. Sunday night dinners at a restaurant tend to be more successful than other nights for this group.

And that is exactly what I'm talking about. I get that some people want to share. But then all the others chiming with words of how special they are etc just gets to be too much.

This is the only place I can safely say this where someone might understand... I am 4.5 years out and it seems I have less and less tolerance for public deaths and the surrounding "support" from people who don't know that person from Adam. I am so tired of reading about how amazing their spouse is, what amazing things he is doing, how amazingly strong she is, how heartbreaking, etc...don't they realize that is what you do when you love someone? There is nothing that unusual happening that others whose spouse slowly died didn't do. I hate the glorification of it. Dying is beautiful and ugly at the same time. Quit acting like it's all rainbows and unicorns.

It's been awhile since I've seen a post here. Wondering how everyone is doing. I just came off of my hardest training week ever. So many times I wanted to not finish a workout or to change it up so it wasn't so difficult. But I did it. I told my coach it was a huge exercise in mental toughness. I'm glad I did it but am even happier that this week is a recovery week (which for me means fewer hours training). While I was struggling with my workouts I spent a lot of time wondering why I was doing this and what was motivating me. There is the obvious goal of doing something I never thought possible. Then there are the external things that drive me and inspire me and those are great motivators. This group is one of the reasons that I keep going....so thank you for the inspiration!

Tears reading this. You are amazing! Thank you so much for posting this update.

Yup, don't like that phrase either. There are some situations that I do say that but usually I say my husband died a few years ago. If that makes someone uncomfortable that's on them, not me.

I've always loved this thread (thank you Chemie/Helen) and it's been awhile since I've participated... 1. Earlier this week I ate dinner with a lovely wid that I first met on YWBB. We had such a great night and it reminded me of how lucky I am to have this place. A little over four years later and we are both doing well. Still miss our DH's but understand that will always be part of who we are. 2. Even though I've been sick I am getting my training back on track. Pushing through when you aren't feeling up to it is hard but so rewarding. 3. I tend to be hard on myself but somehow was reminded that I do what I can do and that's enough. It may not be what I think I should do, my house may not always be presentable to visitors, etc. but I wake up each day ready to go and go to bed each night knowing I did the best I could that day and that is an accomplishment.

That's so great that Mom offered to help and you accepted it. I think I mentioned it previously but my niece is a sophomore at KU. She has a car this year, lots of experience babysitting, gets the grief thing, awesome kid (no bias here) etc...PM me if you want her info. She may be able to help you both on a regular basis or when you are in a pinch.

I don't often come into this section but tonight I did. As I read all your stories it brought me back to my early days and all the support I received from fellow wids. The ones I remember most are - be gentle on yourself. - drink plenty of water (the not eating days and lots of crying dehydrates you) - make sure you eat when you can. PB&J, cereal, pizza, etc are perfectly good meals for you and your kids multiple nights a week - your grief, your rules...meaning no one can define for you the right way to grieve. your grief journey is unique to you. I'm so sorry you had to join this club but glad you were able to find this place.

Bummer...just saw this. Hope you had a good trip.

I struggled with some of this with DH. He wasn't Catholic and was divorced. The not Catholic part wasn't a big issue because he fully supported me and my beliefs. The divorced part was harder though. He applied for an annulment and it was denied. It was devastating for both of us - I think it was even worse for him. We wound up getting married outside of the Church and had a beautiful beach wedding. I continued to be a practicing Catholic and he too attended Mass with me. I know that there are those in the Catholic Church that wouldn't have agreed with how we handled it but that is on them, not me. I get that she may take it personally and not sure how to handle that part. There are things about all faith traditions that are difficult for those that don't practice that faith. I hope in time she realizes that it isn't personal. If I come across anything that might help I'll let you know.