Not use to early love

[robunknown]

Anyone doubting themselves if they are actually in love or not? I'm not use to feelings of love with someone I've only known for 3 months. My DW and I were together for 15 years (+1 day), and I keep asking myself,  "How can you be in love, you barely know her? "

I'm in a good place, I just find it interesting the arguments that sometimes go on in my head.

[MrsT85]

Oh yeah.  And I think for me personally, my emotional confusion was heightened by starting to date (not purposely, not really) very early out.  All of my emotions seemed to be ramped into overdrive, my affections for NG as much as my grief and depression.

 

I was with Tim 8.5 years.  We had our fights like all couples do, but the emotional and intellectual fit we had was so amazing.  I loved him so much, and I never had a moment of doubt in my mind that we'd be together forever.

 

Here's my "inside my head argument":

Love feels different now with NG.  We've been together a little more than 2 years now, and that perfect fit just isn't there.  It's not as easy as it was with Tim.  And I'm wondering - is this how "normal" relationships are?  Is this how less-than-soulmate love feels?  Or am I just not remembering what a 2 year old love and relationship feels like because the last time I did this I was still a college kid? 

 

I guess I'm not used to early love either.  Or any other love other than Tim's, really....

[merrylea]

I get this.

 

Widower BF and I just moved in together. I'm 19 months out, he's a bit less.  One topic of conversation early on was - are we just together because we are both widows.  When we've exhausted all the widow topics, will we still like each other? When we're no longer acting like horny teenagers, will we still like each other? 

 

Here's the thing.  It's not going to feel like it did before.  This other person is not your late spouse.  You are not the same person that you were when you met your late spouse.  I think as we get older, we know who we are better, we know what we want, and its easier to know if someone is compatible with yourself.  I'd say for me, I've lost some of the innocence I had the first time I fell in love; I've had the worst that can happen, happen.  But, I also tried to really embrace life again, to live life fully.  When you find a partner that is on board with that.... It. Is. Amazing.

[anniegirl]

Husband and I are were engaged by the time we knew each other 3 months. We have been married now for 8 years together nearly 9.

 

Trust yourself and don't overthink.

[Trying]

My biggest issue with my new love is the lack of time we have to be together.  When we are together, everything is great and I have no doubts.  When we don't see each other for a while, we tend to have stupid misunderstandings and I start second guessing.  Once I start with worrying if it's really smart to be in a relationship or if I really feel what I think I feel, my mind can get away from me.  We had a few days like that this week then he surprised me and showed up at my sons football game last night, as soon as I saw him everything was back in balance.

[klim]

Ah what is love?

 

To say "i love you" to someone can mean different things, i know that, but when it comes to a partner it has a very deep committed, binding type of meaning for me.

 

I know I've watched a few people here say they are in love really quite quickly and I said how can they do that? There is no way I could be "in love" that quickly. I could be happy with the other person, I could love going out with them, even move on to physical love but for me to say "i love you" I can't get there that fast. I think it depends on your personality. I tend to analyze everything, don't make any decisions quickly. I tend not to "jump in with two feet" Thus I think I go slowly even where emotions are involved.

 

So can early love happen....I think it depends on your personality.

[Wheelerswife]

Love happened very quickly for John and me.  We started talking...long, long phone conversations and then Skype.  We met three weeks after we started talking and by then we were already in love.  Hard to believe, eh?  Meeting each other just solidified everything.  Part of it, I think, is that we got very deep into sharing and we were both very vulnerable to each other.  Our first phone conversation happened because he wanted to tell me a story about how his college/grad school girlfriend had cheated on him after being together for five years..and that experience had continued to impact him 25 years later.  We ended up sharing life stories in an epic phone call from midnight until 6 AM.  It was a completely platonic phone call...we saw each other as friends, as we had mentally ruled each other out as potential partners.  Within days, however, we were realizing we had a much more special connection.

 

I think the bottom line is that each connection is going to be different.  I don't know if I could fall in love that quickly again.  My history is much more complicated now and I think I might hold back.  I've got more baggage and I know it is more to accept for someone new than the baggage I had when I met John.  Not only does this depend on personality, but it depends on circumstances.

 

Maureen

[DonnaP]

Early love can (and does) happen. In my case, the older and wiser version of me was much more capable of recognizing love than my younger self. It took less than a month, most of which was communication on the phone and email. When we met -- we were already in love.

 

It's not the same as the first time around. In some cases, it is better (example: we are much more expressive of our love, knowing how precious a thing it is). In other cases, there are special challenges (merging two households to form one family).

 

I wouldn't trade our "baggage" for anything. It's part of who we are. But there are days I wish things were easier. I am happy and content in my new life, and I adore my current husband but I still miss my old life.

 

 

[lcoxwell]

There have been times in my life, in which I dated someone for over two years, and never truly felt that I was in love. Actually, I had that experience with more than just one person. On the other hand, I knew almost immediately that I was very much in love with both my Kenneth and with my New Guy.

 

For those, who do not know, I met my Kenneth on December 18th, and by the end of March, I was moving across the country to be with him. Had my Kenneth had his way, I would have moved even sooner than I did. He and I had only spent one actual week together, at that time. All other communication was via telephone and personal messages on the computer. Most people would have thought we were insane, but we were happy together. Our life wasn't perfect, but it was a good one, and I would go back and do those 13 years again, if I could.

 

New Guy and I started seeing each other very early on. I knew right away that there was something special about him. In less than two months, I knew I was very much in love with him, and he felt the same about me (though we didn't voice our feelings, at first). Unlike my whirlwind relationship with Kenneth, New Guy and I took our time getting to know each other. We talk about getting married, at some point, but we are in no rush to get there, even after dating for over a year and after I moved to be close to him. For now, we are just enjoying the comfortable, easy relationship we have; and we are enjoying being able to see each other during the week and not just on weekends.

 

I agree with others, who brought up how each relationship is different. With some people, it is possible to know very early on, while other relationships may take time to grow and develop. Each of our unique experiences and circumstances have influenced how we approach relationships, now. Some of us are now older and wiser, while others may no longer trust our own judgement. Some of us have learned to jump in with both feet, because we realize just how short life can be and just how precious love is. Others have learned just how short life is and are afraid of facing loss again, in any form, so are afraid to jump in at all. For some, our late spouses were our whole worlds, our soulmates, and our perfect partners. For others of us, we have found this kind of relationship with our new partners. Regardless of your experiences, you have to trust your own judgement; and you have to look at your new relationship with new eyes, because this new relationship will be completely different from any you have ever experienced before.