Two Months Tomorrw

[Elbel66]

Tomorrow will be two months since I said goodbye to my husband.  I am not really young, 49, my husband was 54.  Although he was not in the best health, his death was from a fall which caused a brain bleed.  It was unexpected and unwanted!  I have read many posts on this site which say all that I feel.  I sleep but am exhausted, it is never enough.  I go to work and pretend I am fine, I usually am while I am there but can dissolve into tears without warning.  I am constantly overwhelmed by so many things...bills, work, housework, grocery shopping, cooking (of which i have done almost none since that day), the list goes on.  So many friends want to help, want to get together but I can't keep track of it all.  I'm alone more than I like but want to be alone sometimes, and never.  Sometimes I feel like I want to wallow in my own grief, I don't want to be happy because then I will be letting go of him.  We were married for 25 years, 26 in December.  We didn't have an easy life but we chose eachother over and over again and I miss that, we were in a good place.  I just want him back, I know I can't have him back but that doesn't matter, I want his arms around me again and I cry just wishing it.

[WifeLess]

Elbel66,

 

Again, welcome to Young Widow Forum and sorry for your loss.

 

At only 2 months, of course you are feeling as you describe in your post. At this point it is normal to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. And it is perfectly ok to be alone when you want, cry when you want, and wallow in grief when you want.

 

But be assured that it does get slowly better with time. So please hold onto hope. You will not always feel as you do now.

 

--- WifeLess

 

 

 

[Mizpah]

I'm alone more than I like but want to be alone sometimes, and never.  Sometimes I feel like I want to wallow in my own grief, I don't want to be happy because then I will be letting go of him.

 

This horribly painful experience is full of so many contradictory feelings.  It's enough to make you feel crazy, on top of all the raw, intense, unbearable pain.  You're not crazy, though, in case you're wondering.  I think we all understand exactly what you are going through inside.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  It is so hard.  I'm thinking of you. 

[Jen]

So many hugs. Just my 2 cents, but I think anything less than 90 is too young, and there are probably some nonagenarians who would argue that!

 

Not wanting to be happy because that would mean letting them go... yes. That. I still feel that way sometimes. It's normal, but it still sucks. Of course they would want us to be happy. Not one of our loved ones would want us to be miserable for the rest of our lives. So why can't they just bloody well come back and tell us that themselves??!?

 

I'm so, so sorry you lost your sweet husband. Lots and lots of hugs... keep breathing, keep talking. We're here.

[Elbel66]

Thank you all for your kind words.  I know it's all normal but it's just nice to say it and know people understand!  Thank you!