Courage to start dating again

[SailorGirl]

How did you get the courage to go on that first date again?  DH passed away a year and a half ago, and I was recently in a bad relationship with a close friend.  I moved to a new town to build a life with NG, but it quickly went south.  I haven't been on a 'first date' in over 15 years. I'm tired of sitting home alone, but for some reason I'm scared to make that move.

[Mizpah]

My first dating experience after DH, I forced myself into.  I wasn't ready and knew it, and told the guy.  I chose someone who I wasn't interested in and knew I wouldn't have feelings for, but who was very very nice and a good person, and he was going to deploy, so I knew there was an end date.  It was safe in all ways, and that's exactly what I needed.  It was a good transition for me.  I got the courage by choosing this safety option.  I got a lot of stuff out of my system that way - my first kiss after DH: I cried and ran down the street.  He gave me flowers and I chopped the heads off.  After he fell asleep at night, I'd wander outside for hours.  I was emotionally avoidant and unavailable.  Etc.  By the time we were done, I was ready to truly engage with someone I did/could have feelings for, with all the scariness that comes along with that. 

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Wow does that ring a bell. About going south. Don't have any advise, but wishing you the best : )

[Captains wife]

I went on my first date about 14-15 months after my husband died. I wasn't 100% ready to meet someone but I was sooo lonely and just wanted to get myself back out there. I joined 2 dating sites (I personally prefer the paid ones as the free ones can get some real characters) and started corresponding with a few men and then went on a first date with a guy that seemed very nice (and he was in some ways). I usually talk to the guy on the phone to screen before I actually go on a date - so that made me feel more comfortable about going out with him. I drank far too much on this first date and probably talked about my sad life too much but I was happy to get my foot in the door. There was no second date but I then started casually dating here and there and just had fun with it. By that, I just used it as a means to meet different types of men and have some company. I wanted to find a "steady" boyfriend eventually but I also knew it would take a while and didn't want to get discouraged. Since I didn't take it too seriously in the beginning, it seemed less daunting.  So I also went out with guys that weren't necessarily my type but seemed nice, or funny (to see if there was anything there) - and it was nice to just get out and have some good company. I had some very nice dates but with not the right matches for me - and this also helped build my confidence. It can seem overwhelming but take baby steps with it - and if you get dating fatigue, take time out. Admittedly, I had some very bad dates and may have cried after one or two of them but then just dusted myself and moved on. Nothing ventured, nothing gained : ) Wishing you all the best - you can do this Sailorgirl!

[gracelet]

He gave me flowers and I chopped the heads off. 

 

You're brilliant.  This made me laugh but i so get why you'd do that.

 

For me, the solution to getting back into dating was going on no pressure dates with people who I already knew weren't quite going to be right, just for practice and company.  Wine also helped ;-)  I found my confidence growing.

 

Although I'm young, I've never dated before (wife was my first date!) so it's been a bit of an adventure.

 

Do note though that it's really important to stay safe. Contraception (if yuou get to hanky panky stage), tell someone where you are etc.