Friends who are irreplaceable...

[Guest Mel4072]

Yesterday, I went to a friends viewing. She was 97 but one of my best friends. (I'm 42) I've known her for 10 years. Also a widow. The first time I saw her after Mike died, she told me "you know there's no marraige in heaven?" She was blunt, forthright and loving! I will miss her!

Anyway, the viewing was at the same location as Mike's. In the same room. While there, I saw many of the same people who were at his viewing. One woman even commented. "The last time I was here."

I remembered sitting in the front pew, holding my kids and wondering what to do. How to go on. How it seemed so unreal. I remember ALL THE PEOPLE who attended.

When I left yesterday, I really remembered holding my kids. I thought "this never should've happened. " the pain of holding your kids when they lose a parent and you don't know how to go on, is intense. I drove and cried.

Within minutes, I got a text from my bestie "are you ok??!!" She was there and thought of me. I smiled and replied yes. I'm ok because of that friendship. If I had said no, she would've flown to my house. I am very lucky to have this friend. She is irreplaceable. She is the friend who has been miserable with me and told me she would be miserable as long as I needed to be miserable. She has supported me and listened to me. She has cried when she thought a date would be important to me or my kids. She is an amazing friend and I don't know what I would do without her! She has taught me to be a better friend!

[Jess]

I have a friend that I consider irreplaceable. She is the one person that still not only checks up on my consistently, but also actually invites me to go places. In the beginning of all of this, when I returned to work I was working from home. She had a work from home day one day a week and would drive 25 miles to my house and sit and work with me. Sometimes we would discuss grief stuff but a lot of times we wouldn't and I would get short bursts of being ME. She is a hero in my life.

[Carey]

Sometimes irreplaceable friends surface in the strangest ways. Before Chad died we were very close with a guy I dated (actually my first real boyfriend from when I was 16) and his wife. As a foursome we did everything and supposedly while Chad was in Saudi they were my support system. That came crashing down 5 days after he died and I've not spoken to either of them since (long story). Other than them, really I only ever spent time with my sister and Chad. I don't know why , maybe Chad dying coincided too much with my sister getting busy with her grandbabies because that relationship just died. And we were like best friends. Meanwhile, this guy that I could only vaguely remember from high school messaged me when he died.  And we started talking. Every. Single. Day.  He and his wife and his girls have become my world and my lifeline and I just don't know what I would ever do without them. It amazes me how someone I barely knew ended up being the one to save me. I told him early on I was having trouble getting up in the mornings and going to sleep at night because when Chad was in Saudi, he was getting off work as I was going to work and he'd Skype me, and was going to work when I was going to bed and he'd Skype then too.  So John started texting me awake every day and good night every night. He's missed less than probably 5 days in 15 months. He's a rare breed for sure.  He knows when to coddle and when to call me on my bullshit too lol

[Amor]

Irreplaceable friends are such a blessing.  I have had a few and I do not know where I would be without them.  One of them is my husbands best friend and his wife.  I had never met either of them until my Love died.  Cling to your best friends that are irreplaceable and thank them for being there always.  Then do the same in return. 

[ieh21]

She sounds amazing. Texting without prompting, just knowing that it must have been hard.

 

I have a few friends like this. A few times since Joe died I've broken down and declared my love to them. I can get a little emotional and I am always big on declarations and meaningful gestures. So once in a while, I will declare to these friends that they are like my family (I'm an only child). I love you like a sister. You are like a brother to me. People aren't used to these declarations of "friendship love". Despite the obvious depth of their friendship with me, they are usually kind of surprised and don't really know how to answer, other than to say "that is really lovely."

 

One of my friends (also an older woman) knows exactly what I mean. She's in a similar situation: her husband had a stroke and she has to care for him. Her children all live in the US and are very busy with their own lives. So she too relies on her friends a lot, she too is constantly conflicted between caregiving and her other obligations (the same way I feel about my children and the rest of my life). She's the only one who always listens to my declaration and answers "I love you too, ieh21, like a sister".