Amor

Rising above chos, I like your username. You are trying to rise above this. A word is just that it is how you see yourself. I choke on the word because for me I do not want it to be true with all of my heart. I want my love to be waiting for me or sitting in the chair next to me when someone asks where is your husband? Widow does not need to define you. But it is a reality now. One that is more painful than anyone can imagine. Say what you need to say at the moment you decide to say it. It is ok to not talk about it at times too. Wishing you peace beyond understanding. Amor

Hi Gem, I am so sorry you are going through this. Winston Churchill " When you find yourself in hell keep going. I have found this helpful. It does not seem to move on but having to go through grief in our own journey. This hell on earth is unbelievably hard. Treat yourself as if you are healing from a really bad burn. The pain will lessen but you will always have a scar. Wishing you peace and comfort through these rough days. Amor

I am in Alaska sometimes. Where were you thinking?

I still wear his clothes on occasion to bed Look at the empty chair next to me often and think you should be sitting there. Wishing no one would sit there but my love. still have a hard time saying or admitting the W word. Like it would change, if I do not say it then it is not true mentality. Like watching movies we enjoyed together.

Yes, trips can be very addictive.

I do like the silence. Alone where no one sees the tears. Making is easier to hide the pain.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ― Washington Irving

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Amor

I am sorry you are having a hard time sleeping. The strangest moments caught us and the waves hit. Sometimes knocking us to the ground others for a moment of silence with our beloved. Wishing you sweet dreams and restful nights with peaceful days. Amor

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.” ― James O'Barr

I am happy you were able to savor the moments you had together and that he could be in your life! Wishing you peace today and fr years to come. Amor

Sadness comes even without a reason. We lost the Love of our life we have every right to brake down. (((hugs))) Amor

Hi (((Jen))), I wish our Loves were here by our side right now. I wish we never had to feel this pain. I am reminded of a quote you shared with me some time ago. "When you find yourself in hell keep going." We are still in hell please help me find a way out. With Love your friend, Amor

Ruth, I hope you can have peace with decision you had to make. Yes, we have to make so many decision alone now. Wishing for comfort and peace during this painful time in your life. Amor

Kate, Thank you for that perspective. (((Jen))) Wishing you peace in where you are in this healing process. I wish this would go faster but I know healing takes a lot more time. It is good to cry in your safe place, it helps. Amor

Hi Shannon, Please be patient with yourself. It is okay not to be strong, right now your will have emotions that come from the depth of your soul and you can not stop those emotions. With time you can control the emotions better but it is okay to cry, scream, or deal with these feeling in the way that works for you. Remember you need this time to heal, like a burn it will not hurt as much over time but it will change you. Here you can vent as needed without judgement. There are some jewels out there that will help you through this, appreciate them. A lot of people do not understand and will say or do things that will hurt. Most just do not understand I would never want them to have to understand. Wishing you peace and comfort, Amor

Wishing you peace. One wise person here once posted grie is like waves sometimes they are small and sometimes they knock you off your feet. Wishing you peace. Amor

I am glad you are able to have God pull you through. 1 Peter 5:6-11 has helped me at times. (((hug)))

Big events in or lives will change us. For better or for worse or both or neither we change. The love of our life is gone and there is nothing anyone can do to fix that. Now you and the people that knew him well are the part of him that is remaining. By continuing to live you can have him live as well. People will say many thing that will hurt you or just plan not help. There is not one way or another to act. Emotions most of the time are not control and never just have emotions because someone tells you to. Emotions now come from the depth of your soul. If you need find a place you are comfortable/ safe and let out your emotions. Cry, scream, laugh, talk, yell which you am need to do all of those in a matter of minutes. Being a widow/ widower is a personal journey only you can determine the path. Please forgive yourself often. Amor

I talk about my Love all of the time. I helps me get through the day to think of my Love and the good times we had together. For me I think of this as healing for me, not a set back. The best parts of my life were shared so why would I leave that out? Let others know about your Love, that is the best way to honor their lives is to let others hear about them. Amor

Summer lost, I am glad you found a place where you can vent, read, or take advise. I hope we can help in some way we can help. Some wise person on this board once said. Grief is like ocean waves sometimes they are minor and sometimes they knock you to the ground but they just keep coming. Here is a (((hug))), tissue, and a group of people willing to listen. Amor

Thank you for thinking of us all. (Hugs) Amor

I found it helpful to have a dinner with special people. Do what you feel will help you get through this day, the events before and after. Remembering the special times has helped for me to continue our anniversary. For us it was the most special day we celebrated, I want that to be what I remember. Wishing you peace on this very sad anniversary. Amor

Thank you for the hugs they are much needed today. Yes it is surreal. I am still wishing this is a bad dream but now knowing this reality bites. Hugs back. Amor

08/04/14 The last time I felt my Love. The last day alive, last moment I held him in my arms. The last time..... The pain, screams coming from me for him to stay here to be with me. I need you here and yet I had you slip through my fingers. Why, why can I not have our dreams come true together forever? Why can I not be with you, holding you in my arms. I love you and yet you no longer hear me. I hope you remember when you wake up from my nightmare of you no longer here. Thank you for the sweet years together. I miss you so much! Until we meet again on the other side. With All my Love, Amor