Damn Dreams

[Sugarbell]

Laying here with my kid trying to get her to go to sleep (we have like a suite separating bedrooms in this lodge)...And I had a dream last night about Ben-on a trip with NG.

 

One the way here I remembered taking this route quiet Ben to go to Clemson games (where he went to college) but I wasn't at all sappy...told NG and we were trying to find some cool outdoor spots.

 

Well last night...I am here...Ben is 24 or so...and we have just started talking and he shows up asking for my phone number.

 

And I am excited to see him and talk to him...because I am aware he's dead and am welcoming the visitation. But in this dream he doesn't know he's dead. And I have to say "You end up marrying me...we have 3 kids...this is the baby your daughter. She's now 8).

 

And he panics and says "What are you talking about I am not dead you're acting psycho we don't have a 8 year old kid we just started dating-"

 

And I start crying--no this is her...And his response...still panicky "Del...time gets mixed up here...yea I am dead but it went back to me being 24...I went back to being 24...and I start holding him.

 

Then I wake up.

 

Shit. I am going to have these the rest of my life. I love NG...it's been over 8 years.

 

And they still happen. Weekly.

[Guest TheOtherHalf]

To me it really smacks of slipping in and out of alternate realities. It also sounds like it's not fun for you anymore.

 

I'm not certain it isn't an alternate reality you're vising, but I'm going to treat it like a dream and give it my arm-chair Freud best shot.

 

Well, maybe not so Freud, but more based on my hunches and feelings.

 

The fact that he was young and could not remember marriage and children with you, seems like he's starting to let you go. He's getting ready to incarnate again. I guess I'd watch out for forth coming dreams for confirmation of that, if indeed I'm in the ball park at all.

 

It could also be that he's not letting you go at all, but taking the position of your new beau, by reverting to someone who is dating you, rather than the father of your children.

 

Do you believe these are really dreams? I know you couch them as dreams, but do you believe this really is something entirely different?

[Sugarbell]

What's alternate reality??

 

I guess they are dreams-I have always had vivid visitation type dreams from dead people since u was a child. My Mother has premonition dreams--my dreams are never premonitions but dead people visiting. Too many to count.

 

I guess this one upset me because it's the first one I have ever had that the person in the dream didn't know they were dead.

 

 

[Guest TheOtherHalf]

Just reaching out, trying to help, trying to comfort, but missed the mark. Maybe some better responses will be forthcoming. Hope you're feeling better soon. Take care.

[Guest TheOtherHalf]

Just to add one more thing, for whatever it's worth.  It's the part about having these dreams for the rest of your life and the frustration at that.

 

Trying to relate to that from your point of view, I would imagine (and again I might be wrong), that having these kinds of dreams all the time would make me question what's going on in my real life all the time. I would wonder if some change is around the corner that I need to be getting ready for, and I would fear that it's a bad change. Maybe that's not the impact it has on you, but if it were me, I would probably feel that way.

 

I also relate to the part about having to deal with something for the rest of my life, when I assumed complete recovery should be the trajectory - but did not happen. It is frustrating and upsetting when things go on forever unresolved.

 

Not sure if that's any closer, but thought I'd put it out there. Once again, take care.

[marjoe]

Sugarbell, you're not the only one. Except, now that I think on it, I don't think I've ever had a dream where Joe admits he's dead. It's always me (in a dream within the dream) who freaks out, thinking, omg, but you're dead! Frankly, he doesn't seem to give a shit whether he's dead or not. And you know, another thing that occurs to me - it really doesn't have a lot to do with NG. I mean, think on it - your life with DH stands on its own, so the dreams you have will follow that, don't you think?

[Sugarbell]

TOH-Thank you...I really do value your insight into this topic. It was just stramge...the whole not knowing he was dead and then him freaking out. Just bizarre.

 

MJ-True-it is like 2 separate lives. The dreams don't scare me-but they are always sp vivid and I am shocked I still have them.

 

I have heard people say they forget certain things after so long. I haven't-the voice mannerisms everything is clear as day in my dreams.

 

And I have had these since I was a kid. From the time I was 10.

 

Not quite sure what to make of it but I value and appreciate all input.

[Captains wife]

A vivid dream like that about your LH understandably throws you. Interesting how these dreams of your come to you on regular basis.....I don't tend to interpret dreams too literally but they can really be unsettling. I have these recurring vivid dreams at weird intervals (ie. every couple of months) where my LH is alive and I warn him that he is about to die. Makes me really unsettled for a while.

[Abitlost]

Dreams like that rattle me and I feel shaken for several hours. I hope you were able to shake it off and enjoy the rest of the weekend!

 

abl

[Trying]

I have been having dreams about DH every night since Thanksgiving when my MIL had a melt down.  Most of them have been that it was a mistake and he never died, I'm upset and he is not.  Last night in my dream he was getting upset about decisions I made since he died, that I should've known he'd be back and that I need to pick him or NG.  I've been upset and unsettled since I woke up. 

[Abitlost]

I have been having dreams about DH every night since Thanksgiving when my MIL had a melt down.  Most of them have been that it was a mistake and he never died, I'm upset and he is not.  Last night in my dream he was getting upset about decisions I made since he died, that I should've known he'd be back and that I need to pick him or NG.  I've been upset and unsettled since I woke up.

 

((Trying)) I have had almost that exact same dream where it turns out DH wasn't really dead and I had to choose between him and Ex-BF (who wasn't an Ex at the time). In my dream it was a no-brainer (DH) but I still felt a great deal of guilt and remorse over leaving BF (isn't that ironic...) It is unsettling to say the least. You know though that in reality your husband would be exceedingly proud of all the decisions you have made.

 

abl

[Sugarbell]

I have never had the "choose me or NG dream-It's probably coming though Lol.😳I just wonder like how long this will go on. I haven't had one since our trip..but it's only been a few days.

 

This last one did shake me up...Logically I know that we were talking about places Ben and I stopped on the way down and we did use to go down to that area for football games when we were in our 20s. But Ben and I were like gypsies when we were dating. We were on the road for work during the week and took road trips almost every weekend. Seriously-I have found anywhere I travel to within a few states north or south-pretty much are places I traveled with him. Some I forget about until I am on the road.:(like this one)..

 

It's why I love traveling with my kids-because I literally have more memories/places/stories to tell them there than I do our years together in Stepford. We were never in the community on weekends-even after kids every weekend we took them somewhere-they weren't in school yet so it was easier.

 

But him not knowing he was dead was disturbing. And him being upset at that moment was disturbing. I wonder in the afterlife if our spirits ever float between different time frames? Because when I communicate with him daily it's always present/here and now. I will stop there and not elaborate. Not really in the mood to be mocked for my belief system. (not by anyone who responded I appreciate your input.❤️)

[Sugarbell]

Ok this is weird.

 

Last night NG came up to help us get a weight bench for my oldest sons bday present. (We used his truck).. one the way home we were talking about one of his teachers and I mentioned that one of his Dads friends years ago had the same full name as his teachers. Out of the blue my son says "Yeah I remember him I remember Dad taking me to his house after Tball one night and he had a big bonfire going...I don't know why I remember that ibur I do" (He was only 4 and has few memories)

 

This "friend" was his Dads pot dealer. He grew it outside..it was very potent and expensive pot. Very distinct strong smell.

 

So I was a little shocked his Dad took him there but brushes it off cause it was years ago and my kid had no idea he was a pot dealer.

 

So later that night...NG and I are in my room...I opened up my closet and from the top plastic bin on the shelf I smelled the distinct pot smell. Like I said it's very potent. NG asked "Are you stashing weed up there?"--got out the bin and looked through it-nothing..but a distinct smell of this potent weed. I would've thought I was crazy but NG smelled it too.

 

The smell was gone this morning. Ben used to hide his weed in the top of the closet until I made him put it in the garage because the smell was so potent. I didn't tell NG anything about it..or that he his it there. There has not been an ounce of weed in this house since he died over 8 years ago.

 

WTF? Just odd...very odd.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Not odd at all. I smelled her favorite perfume several times, once being our anniversary date.

[Bear Tomás]

Not odd at all. I smelled her favorite perfume several times, once being our anniversary date.

 

same

[Torn]

On the dream subject...

 

  I have vivid dreams that are frequent aswell.

  The odd thing to me is that during my dreams all things are normal, our relationship & health..etc everything is as if nothing is wrong,as if she's still alive.

  For me the painful part is waking up, Every one of these dreams as I wake up its as if  I was just trying to finish telling her the important part of whatever we where talking about and I wake up with the feeling that she's still alive and I'm eager to tell her still.Then once again the realisation of reality sets in upon waking and my day starts off missing her deeply.

    My only "grip for sanity" is that when my Mother passed 25 years or so ago is that I had similar dreams for decades, with less frequency as time went on.

       

  It's tough to say but if I stopped having those dreams,I'd miss them.

  Mid day after having a dream like these,I often wish I'd never have another dream like these.

  There has to be a simple psychological association with these dreams, possibly our humanities coping mechanism.

 

  I've also been in the middle of sorrow & suddenly smell the scent of her perfume,while comforting I feel like I'm in limbo and unable to separate myself from the reality that she's gone, obviously there's no 'deadline' to meet with grief but often I feel I'm not moving forward.