Facebook Memorial Page

[hachi]

I have increasingly been reluctant to post on my memorial page for DH. In the past few years I have often posted on special days, or whenever I wanted to share a memory or a thought. I don't really post when I feel really sad, it is not sadness I want to elicit by the posts, but just to keep him in our hearts and minds.

 

Here's the problem. NG is part of the group that sees these posts. So I find myself censoring what I post because of his feelings. I am not saying that he has any problem with the posts, In fact, I know he sees every one of them and more often than not, "likes" the post. I have thought about taking him out of the group, but that seems a little harsh and I feel like if I do that, I am telling him that this is a part of me he can't share. On the other hand, there are days when I really do want to post something, but don't because I don't want to hurt his feelings, especially since so many of our mutual friends see these posts. I feel like it will cause confusion and they will think that because I still love DH so much and miss him that NG isn't enough for me.

 

I guess, at the end of the day, I am lucky to have this place to go to that belongs only to us who can understand this strange thing we call our heart.

 

[Lisa]

I empathize.  Communication is key. I hope you feel free to talk to him about it. If nit, here we are anyway. offering a hug

[Trying]

It is a very weird situation I think.  While NG might be very understanding about your feelings for DH and the love you will always have for him, I think it could be hard to see on FB.  I think openly talking about it is the best way to go.  Just like you said here, you want to keep him in people's hearts and minds but you also want to be respectful of your new relationship.  My NG admitted that it was awkward when I posted a wedding photo on our anniversary but he has no problem of wedding pictures in my house or if I post pictures of DH alone or with the boys on FB.  I don't often put anything on FB but going forward I can be respectful about not putting pictures of us embracing or kissing.  I think if you talk to NG you can come up with a solution that makes him feel respected and makes you feel like you are respecting the memory of DH too.

[anniegirl]

This is not unusual, imo, but if it's making you unhappy, it needs to be addressed.

 

I censor. In the beginning, I resented having to do this, but now my feeling is that my life is what it is and LH just isn't a part of my now. And it's sad and sometimes I feel bad for him until I remember that it's not impacting him at all. So why let it get to me? If LH is paying attention at all from the afterlife, which I doubt, he's likely rolling his eyes anyway.

 

My husband is fine with whatever I do or choose to bring up. He is widowed himself. But we rarely bring up the past because it's past, and we've been together for long enough now that we have a shared experience to reference.

 

Do what you need to. This is part of the on-going process.

[linda5]

I censor what I write on facebook because I don't want our daughters to think I'm not doing well and bring their spirits down.  I'd love to write exactly how I feel, but I stop short when I think of my daughters.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Exactly ^^^

[lcoxwell]

I censor. In the beginning, I resented having to do this, but now my feeling is that my life is what it is and LH just isn't a part of my now. And it's sad and sometimes I feel bad for him until I remember that it's not impacting him at all. So why let it get to me?

 

I have not had the opportunity to pop in for about a month, so I am late reading this thread. I don't want/mean to highjack things, but I wanted to thank you, anniegirl, for saying this. I have recently been struggling with finding a balance between holding on to my life with Kenneth and moving forward with my New Guy. I just truly needed to "hear" this today. More than anything, I needed to be reminded that it is alright to have a life that does not revolve around my Kenneth, and I needed to be reminded that what I do and say no longer affects him in any way. Again, thank you so very much!