Social anxiety

[Trying]

I've always been on the shy side and not great in new social situations.  I don't know how to make small talk and I have a terrible memory for people's names and well, a terrible memory in general.  I hate when I know I have met someone before, can't remember their name or anything about them and they know me by name and who my kids are too.  I think I come off as rude or standoffish when the truth is I'm just embarrassed and uncomfortable. DH was very outgoing and had an amazing memory. My entire adult life I relied on him to help me through my social awkwardness.  Now he's gone and I have become increasingly isolated.

 

I'm trying to work on this because I miss the social life we had. Last week I went to NGs work holiday party and did ok.  Tonight I am bringing him to a party with people I only know casually.  There will be a lot of people whose names I should know but won't remember so introductions will be very awkward.  NG doesn't understand my issues the way DH did and he thinks I am being rude when I struggle to introduce him.  I've tried to explain it to him but he really doesn't understand. 

 

Does anyone struggle socially like this? How do you manage without the crutch of the one person who helped you to cope?

 

[Portside]

I can't remember folks names well at all either. One way around it is to ask NG to simply jump in the conversation and say "Hi, I'm New Guy, pleased to meet you." and stick out his hand for a handshake.

 

That way, you aren't left scrambling for anyone's name.

 

Mike

[Guest rae]

Trying,

 

Me too.  My LH was very social and I relied on him completely for that aspect of life.  We had a huge social circle and were always busy doing things with other people - dinners, parties, vacations, helping out when people needed help. 

 

New Husband isn't very social and the old friends I had drifted away.  I miss the busy life, but don't really know how to rebuild it. 

[Trying]

Last nights party was way too big for my taste, probably 75 people at a house party!  We stayed for less than 2 hours.  It was an eye opener for new guy.  There were literally groups of women pointing and talking about me being there with a date from across the room.  He said one would point, the others would all turn their heads, mouths open, then turn back excitedly talking.  A woman I know only very superficially grilled him with questions when we got separated for a few minutes.  "How is she, really?" "How did you meet?" " how are her boys handling you dating?" And on and on.  If you add up all of the conversations I have had with her in the past 10 years it isn't even half of what he endured. 

 

As I looked around the huge party I realized that NG was the divorced person and I was the only widow.  No single or recoupled people in the crowd. Not a great situation for someone like me who already isn't comfortable in social situations. 

[Guest TooSoon]

This summer I took adp to the pool at my parents' country club.  We are not members but my daughter is on the swim team there and there are a lot of couples my age who i either grew up with or whose children M has gone or goes to school with.  People there are generally pretty polite and cordial; it seems to be part of the coda and I appreciate that.  They say hello, ask how my parents are, etc and then pretty much leave me alone with my book.  But the day we went to the pool with adp, I was suddenly a hot topic.  Everyone was watching us; front page news!  I found it hilarious, really.  I'm so often persona non grata, but they sure were interested in my British boyfriend that day! 

 

We are interesting specimens, us widows! 

[mmg19]

Wow! An at home party of 75.  I would have anxiety and be uncomfortable too.  NG took me to a dinner party(business related for him) and although I did not know anyone there personally most were polite and stayed within the graces of social amenities. 

 

We are both comfortable when attending church or civic social activities that have a mix of friends that are not particularly interested in whose doing what with whom.  Fortunately the friends that were social with DH and I have remained friends with me and the same is true for NG.  NG knows I do not enjoy large affairs and am more comfortable with small groups.  Tonight we are going to dinner with 2 other couples who are long time friends of his and his DW.  Hope they have Christmas goodwill and we relate.  It's not easy starting over again but I feel NG is worth it.