Beatitudes For Survivors After Suicide

[WifeLess]

The following was written by LaRita Archibald, founder of a network of support groups for survivors of suicide (SOS). Although the content may at first appear to be religious in nature, it is really not. I think it may speak to many of us who are SOS regardless of our spiritual beliefs. Parts may also resonate with some others here who are not SOS but whose loss is nevertheless associated with shame, stigma, or complicated grief.

 

---

 

Beatitudes For Survivors After Suicide (by LaRita Archibald)

 

BLESSED are they that recognize suicide grief is compounded; that we grieve the death of a beloved person, but first and foremost, we grieve the cause of the death.

 

BLESSED are they that give us permission to mourn the loss of one dearly loved, free of judgment, censure, and shame.

 

BLESSED are spiritual guides who relieve our concerns for the repose of our loved one's soul with the truth that God is All-Knowing, All-Loving, and All-Forgiving.

 

BLESSED are they that don't offer the meaningless cliche, 'Time Heals', because, for a long while, the passing of time holds no meaning or value for us.

 

BLESSED are they that don't say, 'I know just how you feel' but instead say, 'I am here for you. I will not tire of your tears or your words of sorrow and regret.'

 

BLESSED are they that have the patience and love to listen to our repetitive obsession with WHY? without offering useless answers or explanations.

 

BLESSED are they that reaffirm the worth of our deceased beloved by sharing memories of his/her goodness and times of fun, laughter, and happiness.

 

BLESSED are the mental health care providers who explain to us that, very probably, our loved one died of a terminal illness called depression.

 

BLESSED are they that challenge our sense of omnipotence with the reminder that no one has enough power or control over another to cause them to end their life.

 

BLESSED are the first responders to our loved one's suicide who try to relieve our sense of guilt and responsibility by assuring us, 'This death is not your fault.'

 

BLESSED are they that lend acceptance to the value of the relationship we shared with the one who died by allowing us to speak of them and 'what might have been'.

 

BLESSED are they that allow and encourage us to use our loved one's death in a manner that gives our loss and grief meaning and purpose.

 

BLESSED are they that do not expect us to find 'closure', 'grief resolution', 'recovery', or to 'be healed', understanding that these terms define 'grief work in progress' that will take the rest of our life.

 

BLESSED are community caregivers who direct us to suicide bereavement support groups where our anguish is understood, our loss validated, and where we are encouraged by the example of others who have traveled this road before us.

 

BLESSED are 'seasoned' suicide survivors who role model not only that we can survive, but, in time, we can thrive, we can regain peace of mind, restored confidence, renewed productivity, and a revived zest for living.

 

BLESSED are all who honor our loved ones by remembering how they lived rather than how they died.

 

[ATJ]

Thank You, @WifeLess for being so thoughtful in posting this. It should bring comfort to those who have gone through the hell of becoming an SOS.

 

ATJ

[WifeLess]

A Tout Jamais,

 

I greatly appreciate your very kind words. For the 5.5 years that I have been a member of YWBB and now this site, you have been a source of great support for both myself and countless other SOS widow(er)s. On behalf of all of us, I say THANK YOU.

 

--- WifeLess

 

 

[WifeLess]

Bumping this up in recognition of International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day.

[Trying]

Thank you for the timely bumping of this post, a teammate of my son committed suicide this week and has brought up some feelings in me that I am not particularly proud of.  Attending a candlelight vigil at his school opened my mind and heart and Monday is the funeral.  I will read this over many times in the coming days, weeks and months ahead.

[Amor]

Trying thank you for posting this.  Many of these points go for all loss.

 

[Amor]

I thought this could use a bump for all people who have lost someone many things do apply. 

Amor