Kids (not just mine) no respect for my home

[Sugarbell]

You all have heard me gripe a lot about housework I know...for years. When DH and I bought this home we were so proud. We entertained had cook outs, adult parties frequently. We did this up until our second child was born then quit because we were overwhelmed.

 

I am listing the house in April...I have a carpendenter and a contractor coming out to do lots of work to get it ready. The amount of work needed is insane...probably 20-25 thousand (that includes new roof and AC)..

 

For the past 8 years my house has been the kid hang out. Birthday parties, weekends, every weekend I have at least a kid or two who isn't my own stay. I figured it's good they are comfortable here. The favor is rarely returned. People don't want kids in their homes on weekends...hence they stay here. Now including my daughter friends (I had 3 girls and 4 boys here just last night).

 

To the naked eye my house isn't that bad....until you see the holes downstairs in the wall...the broken ping pong table...the ceiling tiles half out...the rotting carpet in 2 bathrooms. The light fixtures missing parts, drywall chipped....I could go on and on.

 

I have spent the past 2 hours cleaning after the kids left (my kids are helping me)... glasses, bags of food...hundreds of BBs shot downstairs after I went to sleep. I am done. Told my kids "No more...time for your friends to start having you over I have to get this house ready to sell"

 

My oldest son complains that I never have adults over or adult parties. I am just embarrassed of this house now. So I don't. I have decided there are kid entertaining houses and adult entertaining houses. My next home in my hometown...I will have adults over and be proud again. Occasionally they can have one friend...but it will be rare.

 

And I often think "Is it because there isn't a Dad here??? That they think it doesn't matter?"

 

"Cool house" is permanently closed. I am done.

[Trying]

SB, our house was always the hang out house for adults and kids. We would have Christmas, New Years, Super Bowl, pool parties all summer and lots in between.  I tried to continue it after DH died but it was too hard, the kids friends however were still always over.  When it was time to put my house on the market I looked at it with a more critical eye and yes, the fun times we hosted really showed in the house.

 

I think there is nothing wrong with putting the stop on your house being the hang out so you can get it ready to sell, you have to do what you need to do.  I will tell you though, don't expect the invitations to have your kids over from their friends who have enjoyed your home.  I was shocked by all of the people, my adult friends and their friends parents who never extend an invitation.  My 11 year old misses the parties we used to have and is already complaining about New Years Eve.  I would like to entertain again at some point but on a smaller scale.

 

Good luck with the repairs and the clean up, it's incredibly stressful but I hope you will feel as good about your decision to move when it's all over as I do. 

[twistedmensa]

Being the house the kids all hang out at is a blessing and a curse. I liked always knowing where they were, but the wear and tear on the house was remarkable. Holes magically appeared in the walls (interior and exterior) and nobody has any idea how it happened...lol. I get it. When I prepped our home in Florida for sale, I shipped the kids off to my mom's in AZ. After that, once I cleaned something, it stayed clean.

 

Now that we have moved into our new home, the damage has already begun. The toilet paper roll holder has been pulled from the wall....and nobody knows how it happened...(rolling my eyes).

[trying2breathe]

SB  I feel for you, prepping a house for sale is a lot of work and can be expensive.  I've had the pleasure    of doing this several times.  It's so hard to keep things tidy and organized with kids in the house. 

 

When the For Sale sign went up in our yard on our Texas house, I remember an agent pulling into our driveway unexpectedly at dinner time - we picked up our dinner plates off of the dining table and walked out the back door!  Worth it though - that was the showing that sold the house.

 

Good luck!   

 

 

[Sugarbell]

My realtor whose a friend of mine went through the house yesterday afternoon giving suggestions on how to stage it. The handy man work is unreal. I have put off fixing certain things because I thought "What's the point?"... Yes I have enjoyed the kids over...but not the wear and tear on my house.

 

And I know my kids won't be invited over for sleepovers. No one does them much...of my kids friends...because they live in nice immaculate homes. Just annoying now.

 

And 8 years solo....with everything from babies, toddlers, preschoolers, school age, preteens and now a teenager...it's definitely taken it's toll. The birthday parties (they all want them here-not at another place) you name it..it's been here.

 

The good news...I only owe about 10,000 on the house...So when it sells I will be able to pay a good deal down on our new home and hopefully not have a huge mortgage like I have had for the past 8 years.

[trying2breathe]

SB  It sounds like a coat of paint and some TLC will make a nice difference.  Staging is a good thing too, I always laugh at how a stager sets things up, sometimes doesn't make a whole lot of sense but it looks really nice! 

 

I also want to say that your kids will remember your house as being a welcoming place for them and their friends - can't put a price on that!   

 

[keeptrying]

I always had the question of, is it me, my house, the way I live, or the people who come over...

 

  I am not dirty, but I am messy. I don't mind a few things out of place and I don't panic if my house is a mess. I clean up before people come over. -  Once they are here, the kids, the parents... I wonder... is this how they are in their own house? Leaving their garbage around, pouring out the toy box and walking away, just like a hurricane. The parents leave their cigarette butts outside (I don't smoke) and their empty bottles. I go to the back porch and I see mountain dew bottles, big gulps (my kids aren't allowed to drink those) - all over. - So I decided to leave them there, and pile up, so when the parents come over, they can see their kids stuff, because they give me a hard time that I don't allow my kids to drink that, so they KNOW it is theirs. They don't care at all.  have seen them step over them in my garage and back porch. I can't imagine they act this way in their own home. I know some of the parents would FREAK if this was done in their own house, so why do parents think it is okay to do in mine?  -  If I (rarely ever) go to someones house, I make my kids help clean up and pick up their mess. - This has always baffled me.

[Freelancing]

I also want to say that your kids will remember your house as being a welcoming place for them and their friends - can't put a price on that!   

 

Agree!!!  ;D 8)

My kids are young adults now, "we" including me love reminiscing about those days when the upstairs was filled with friends, laughter and mischief. My kids needed their friends close back in the grief days. Yup, lots of damage. Should've bought a run down house or a warehouse!

On the sitcom, Everybody loves Raymond, his mother, Marie, had plastic covers on the livingroom furniture. Always gave me a belly laugh remembering most every household in the neighborhood had them.

I got lucky some years back when a youth group from a local church stopped by to offer neighbor services as I was laying in the front yard crying trying to pick weeds. I continue employing them for house and yard work. Nice things about them is they accept donations in the form of payment, have never asked me to join their church and they do good work.

BTW, back then it helped motivate my kids to start picking up after themselves when they found their peers showing up with the youth group to clean their messes. 

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"I hate housework! You make the bed, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."  Joan Rivers