This dichotomy

[Forgottenwife]

Just looking for acknowledgement. An understanding from some fellow human beings. 

 

Coming up on 4.5 years here and wow, tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. It was our day and each year since the death of my husband our anniversary is the hardest day of the year for me. I find at this point in the time line, my friends rarely ask, my parents are afraid to bring it up as ?it upsets you.? I don?t blame them, they don?t want to see me cry and there just isn?t any way for them to understand that I exist in a very happy life, yet I carry the loss of my husband with me every day. Sometimes I still cry. I have a memory or I just miss him. A lot. Yet I?m ok. I have real joy in my life. A job I love. A man that adores me. Two really cool and easy kids. A beautiful home and loving family. I have built a whole new life and career that I am fiercely proud of. No one in my office here today has any clue of my past. So everyone just acts like it is a normal day. No one even notices? many would think I should get over it?

 

But I have seen it here and I know you all will understand ? I am not the same person anymore. This week especially, its like there is this membrane over everything that dulls the joy just a little bit, an emotional limp. My sleep is a little disturbed and I lack focus. I have been trying to push through and now I just want to let it out!! I miss him. So much. He should be here with me. I know you all understand. I will raise my glass tomorrow in memory of my beloved and for all of us that carry on. Say a toast for us all.

 

[marian53]

Forgottenwife, this pos really hits me hard. Last night I posted about the dichotomy of widowhood, and then you post this today. The membrane analogy is perfect. This week is hard for me- this Friday it will be nine years. I woke up on my birthday on the 23rd and thought I am now eight years older than he will ever be. Yes, missing them will always be a part of us.

A toast to you tomorrow and to us all.

 

 

 

[Forgottenwife]

Thank you marian53. Our journeys are on the same unsettled path for a little while today.

[Euf]

I'm sorry to be so late in responding to your post. I guess this is part of the good news/bad news of beyond active grieving.  The good news is that you no longer spend every second of your free time on the widow website. The bad news is that you sometimes miss responding to posts that you would have liked to respond to.

 

I relate so much to what you have written even though my Jim will be dead 10 years in August.  Although I've not dated, I have built a new life too. A new life but sometimes a strange life.  A life with pieces that just don't always fit together. Sometimes I live here and now.  Sometimes I live in the past.

 

I'm a little late but am raising my glass today. Toasting us all.

 

(((Hugs)))

[Forgottenwife]

Thanks for the toast Euf.

 

Yes, the pieces of my life don't quite fit some days, that is well said.

[Amor]

I will raise my glass.  To your anniversary and all to come.  May everyone have fond memories of their Love's and not forget to celebrate their lives.

Amor

[Forgottenwife]

Thank you Amor.