Twice Widowed

[avarweth]

I was first widowed October 23, 2009, after five years of marriage. We'd had custody of his daughter, and her mother took her from me two weeks after his death. It was a very devastating double loss.

 

Two years after he died, I rediscovered an old high school friend, and found a love even sweeter and deeper than my first love, which I thought was immense. I never knew I could be loved so unconditionally, so deeply, and so well. Friends tell me now that whenever I wasn't looking, he never took his eyes off me. He told me he thought he'd loved me all his life.

 

On December 26th, just two and a half months after his initial cancer diagnosis, I lost the best part of me. I'm still numb. I'm still in shock. I'm staying with my parents because I'm afraid to go home.

 

I'm 41 years old, and I've been widowed twice, and I have no idea what to do.

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, avarweth,

 

I, too, am widowed twice.  I lost my first husband just before you lost yours - September of 2009.  Six months later, I met an amazing man who was also widowed.  We married a year later.  In 8 days, I will mark the second anniversary of my second husband's death.  We didn't even get 4 years together before he died unexpectedly of an unknown heart condition.

 

I completely understand the feeling that your world has collapsed....again.  How can this be?  Didn't we already pay the awful price once?  My second marriage was also stronger than my first marriage (which was also a good marriage).  I was happier than I had ever been with my second husband.  And then...that was all gone.  I had moved half-way across the country to be with my second husband.  Fortunately, I was surrounded by widow friends the day my second husband died. 

 

I was a member of a board that was a precursor to this board at the time of my second husband's death.  Today, I spent the afternoon with 13 others from that board and this board...10 of which were with me the very day my second husband died.

 

My advice to you...grab onto whatever widow support you can find.  I'm glad you are here, even though the circumstances are so very difficult.  The old advice from widowhood still applies.  Eat when you can, sleep when you can, drink lots of water. 

 

I'm so sorry you are part of this club...with a renewed membership like mine.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Jen]

I am so, so sorry... I'm 41 as well, your post hit me hard. Our stories are similar in a few respects, although I haven't been widowed twice-- my first marriage broke down after 13 years and I went through a divorce, which was traumatizing at the time (but looks like a cakewalk in retrospect). I also reconnected with an early love-- my best friend since I was 10 years old, but we hadn't spoken in 15 years when he found me again. It was like a fairy tale, a dream come true-- your description of your beloved sounds like mine as well.

 

We were married 4 years-- he moved to another state to take care of me and my three kids (their dad took off, we haven't seen him since). He was my everything and we were his. He turned 40 on April 7, 2014... on April 10, he threw a clot (pulmonary embolism) and died in our living room. 20 months later I'm still trying to figure out how the hell to keep going.

 

(((((Hugs))))) We keep putting one foot in front of the other... the best I can say is that we're not alone. Keep talking. I wish I could say we didn't get it, but we do. Again, I am so very sorry for your losses.

[MauiMermaid]

I'm so very sorry for your pain. Just wanted to send (((hugs))) to you. We are here for you as you take this journey...

[donswife]

I am so sorry for you and wish I had more to add

but wanted you to know we are here to help however we can