The lasting impact...

[SoVerySad]

One of our cats has been diagnosed with cancer. She has a horrible looking wound on her belly where the aggressive tumor (we had no idea she had) actually burst through the skin. I've spent the last week waiting on info from the Vet and Oncologist, etc. to put together the best plan of treatment. While my husband didn't die from cancer, I know the prospect of losing the cat will be very sad for the kids. In our home, our cats are part of the family vs just a pet. This particular cat was in love with my husband - completely adored him. I know that makes this all feel worse, because it feels like we might have to lose that connection with my husband. I've prepared the kids that we may have to have the cat euthanized dependent upon how things go as I won't let her suffer.

 

What I never really thought about and came to light last night is that my kids (both teens) are completely freaked out about the possibility that the cat might unexpectedly die at home just like their dad did. Both of them are really scared this will happen. I can see that this situation has triggered strong memories of the day my husband died and the horrible, chaotic aftermath of trying in vain to save him.

 

Even though we will be 3 years out from that day next month, it still has risen back to the surface for both of my kids. I wish there was a way to wipe that day from their memories.

[MrsDan]

SVS,

I am very sorry about your beloved cat. I completely understand how something like this can trigger memories of "that day." Today I was thinking about my FIL's diagnosis, and I thought about how he was the one who caught me when I buckled when the surgeon told me they could not save Dan. I understand your kids' fear of the triggers, and how like so many things, this is about so much more than what it is. It's a cat, but it isn't. It's a member of the family of course, but it's also a thread. Like so many things inextricably connected to their loss. You tug on it just a bit and it pulls you right back there. I get it.

[Trying]

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved cat. I can see why this would be triggering to all of you.  My heart is with you and your kids as you wait for more information and face the decisions ahead.

[twistedmensa]

I'm sorry about your cat. We had to euthanize our cat last summer for the same reason. He had a large protruding tumor in the exact same place as DH...it was very surreal. The kids were sad, but they handled it very well.

[CJF]

I am sorry about your cat - we recently had to put our dog down.  We had her for ten years and we all considered her a link to my husband.  It was difficult to let go of that connection, but the kids actually handled it better than I expected.  Good luck with the decisions you have to make.

[trying2breathe]

Sorry to hear the sad news on your cat.  We lost our dog this past summer, she too was a link to DH and it was so much more than just losing a pet.  Hugs ~ 

[Guaruj]

I'm so sorry about your kitty. It sounds like this is traumatizing for the whole family.

 

I've spent the last week waiting on info from the Vet and Oncologist, etc. to put together the best plan of treatment.

 

Please proceed carefully when deciding on this treatment. This veterinary oncologist may be an outstanding doctor, but he or she is different from your own doctors in two significant ways:

[*]S/he is not bound by the same code of ethics as your doctor, and is less likely to caution you against unnecessary or inappropriate medical treatment.

[*]S/he does not bill through your medical insurer.

Consequently, you may find yourself spending thousands of dollars to keep your cat alive and even prolonging her suffering in the process.

 

I have so far put two cats to sleep. In both cases, I may have kept them alive longer than I should have. And, sadly, the veterinary hospital I took them to enabled this behavior in me. They were always eager to take heroic measures, even when the outlook for the cat was poor.

 

I drew the line on my first cat when they offered to do "exploratory" surgery for the sake of a diagnosis; it was more than likely she would die anyway. The second cat was Catherine's cat, and I really didn't her spirit to be broken while she was in cancer treatment. So I kept him going for well over a year on prednisone tablets and insulin injections. Near the end, a doctor at the vet's office (not the vet hospital) actually scolded me for keeping him alive while he was so thin and frail.

 

I realize that it's incredibly painful to let go of your cat, and that you consider her part of the family. But, please remember, you cannot expect this cat to live as long as you or your children, and that your children's welfare and future must take greater precedence.

 

And, again, I'm sorry that your cat is so ill after your children lost their father.

[SoVerySad]

Thank you all for your support. I'm sorry so many of you have had to endure the same heartbreak.

 

Guaranja,

 

Thank you for posting your experiences and for your wise counsel. It is sometimes hard to use your head when your heart is acutely hurting. Thankfully the Vets I've seen have been pretty good about presenting all treatment options and doing their best to give what might be reasonable expectations, acknowledging that there can be no guarantees. They've told me it is totally up to what I feel is best for her and for our family situation. I had already written off chemo/radiation. Today I decided not to do any surgery to remove the tumor either. They did x-rays that don't show any noticeable tumors in her organs, but tiny ones would not show up. They did feel additional smaller likely tumors along the mammary chain from where the tumor is, so it clearly has spread. Surgery would not cure anything at this point. I don't see the point in putting her through it. The tumor doesn't seem to be hurting her as she doesn't wince cry when it is touched/manipulated. The Vet says she doesn't feel she is in danger of suddenly dying on us, which put the kids at ease.

 

She's eating good, getting around as she always has, purring, coming for love and attention, etc. She's not showing signs of pain, so we are just going to love her and enjoy her as long as we can. Should her condition decline to the point she's in pain or her quality of life is diminished, then we will do what is in her best interest. The kids are comfortable with this plan as well.

 

This has been an emotionally exhausting day for all of us. Thank you to each of you again for posting your support.

 

 

[widowat33]

I'm so happy she is acting as she normally does and isn't in pain.

As humans we know we shouldn't let another being suffer, but again as humans it is natural to not want to let go of someone/something we love. It's a hard decision, as I'm sure many here know.

Thinking of you and your children. I know to some they are just pets, but I consider mine a part of the family too, and when they are gone there will be a void left just like any other loss.

 

 

[Abitlost]

I'm sorry SVS. Pets are family and going through this is gut-wrenching for everyone.

 

hugs,

 

abl

[donswife]

I am so sorry to hear about your cat

they are more then just our pets and the connection to your husband

glad to hear your cat is eating and purring

[ieh21]

I'm glad that the situation seems to be a bit better. Cats become part of our lives (all pets really). Our cat got ill when DH started being very ill. Then DH died and the cat died soon after. My only relief was that he was euthanised as I held him in my arms and I told him to let Joe know that we miss and love him. He was my furry messenger.

Good luck to you and your kids dealing with this.