My anniversary and my faith in humanity briefly restored

[lcoxwell]

Two years ago, Kenneth and I celebrated our very last anniversary together. We celebrated our very last anniversary at an Outback Steakhouse that was located near one of the hospitals, stopping for lunch on our way home from yet another outpatient surgery. That celebration was a bittersweet day, because I knew that it would be our last one together. Just a few short weeks later, Kenneth was gone.

 

Now that I live too far away to visit his grave, I wanted to do something special to mark the day, so I decided to go to the local Outback Steakhouse. It isn't the one Kenneth and I went to, but I figured it would be close enough, given the circumstances. At the time, it seemed like a BRILLIANT idea, just to take a little time to remember him. Little did I know, when I walked through the restaurant door that I would end up a blubbering mess, right there in the middle of the restaurant. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I made a serious spectacle of myself and drew quite a bit of attention with my public crying, embarrassing myself to the point that I was almost ready to just leave and go home. ALMOST.

 

Then something amazing happened. A waitress came by to check on me. As I was apologizing for bawling on her, I mentioned that it was my anniversary and that my husband had died and couldn't be there to celebrate with me. Without skipping a beat, she told me not to worry about it and asked me what his favorite drink was. After I told her, she brought one to the table and placed it there as a remembrance and in honor of him. Of course, this made me cry more, but I was grateful for her thoughtfulness.

 

A minute or two later, one of the waiters came by to tell me that the people at a nearby table wanted to buy me a dessert. They had seen me crying and had overheard the waitress talking to me. I went over to thank them. The man spoke a few words of encouragement and shook my hand; but his wife gave me a huge hug, right there in the middle of the restaurant. She just held on to me for the longest time, and it was just what I needed.

 

About that time, the two women at the table next to me got up to leave. They had seen and heard all that had transpired. Both women stopped to hug me and to tell me that they would be praying for me.

 

All these people, who were complete strangers, just completely opened their hearts and made a hard day for me just a little bit lighter. I am so touched; and once again, I am reminded just how very blessed I am, even though I have experienced such pain and horrific loss.

 

Have any of you had spontaneous outpourings of kindness from strangers that you would also like to share? I would love to hear about them, if you have.

[gracelet]

How beautiful.  I can't say I've had any gestures quite as grand as that but I remember standing in shock in the queue for Marks and Spencers (British store) about three days after my wife died.  My mum had taken me shopping for distraction.  I could barely function and my face was completely awful.  A lovely little Scottish lady said to me 'oh hen, I've got a 20% off voucher.  You should have it. Go on'  What a sweet person.

 

It really makes a difference, these small moments of kindness.

[Captains wife]

That is so thoughtful and sweet. I love reading stories like that.

 

For me, the one thing that stuck out in my mind was what a small boating shop in New Bedford did for me after my husband was suddenly killed saving a fellow boater. They heard what happened, knew I had a 9-month old and wanted to do something so started a collection for me at the shop. The amount wasn't a lot (and that didn't matter) but the thoughtfulness of it + the kind note that accompanied it in the mail is something I will never forget. I didn't know any of these people but they just wanted to help. And it was more support than I received from my husband's work place, which wanted me to basically go away.

[biscuit]

Yes, sometimes people's compassion is very surprising.

 

I had a similar experience when I felt like I was "doing better" and went out with a few friends to a club. However, while separated from my friends I just ended up breaking down outside, but still in a very crowded public place.  I was crouched down leaning against a wall in a short dress just sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

 

For me it is very embarrassing and humbling at the same time to put all your emotion on display to the world. Especially because everyone is concerned what's wrong (several people asked what did he do?) and then you have to explain why you are loosing it. Buuuttt, there was one woman who chose to stand by me for 10 minutes and just say its okay, while placing her hand on my head and this too restored my faith in humanity. What a kind gesture, to stand by a stranger, in their moment of despair.

 

Still, I really hate when I break down in public

[Jess]

I don't have anything that amazing, but I got a hug from a poll worker when I went to vote about three months after my husband passed when I broke down upon seeing his name on the list. It was a nice gesture.

[Amor]

I love these story they really help see some people can care. 

This treasure is from my husbands friend when he was younger I had never met and his wife which neither of us ever met.

They opened their home to me and their hearts.  They gave me a safe place to grieve without judgement for 6mth.  They did not even know me.  Their kindness is still overwhelming to think about.  I will be forever grateful. 

Amor

[lcoxwell]

Thank you all for sharing for adding your own stories. I think that, far too often, we see the stories of those who just don't get it or who treat widows/widowers in a way that comes across wrong (for a variety of reasons, whether intentional or unintentional). Sometimes, I think it is good to take a moment to recognize those people who bring kindnesses into our lives, whether great or small, and who make our lives just a little better.